Assalamualaykum people!

Have you ever wonder how insecure you feel when people look at you or a crowd looking at you. Straight at you. So scary right! So today im going to talk about being insecure.

Each individual has their own phobia of something. Something that when people look at that particular thing or do that particular thing or whatever that is going to make us uncomfortable.

Let me take myself as the example.

What i am insecure of are

1. Being a girl. Especially if i am in a crowd full of boys. I can senses the lookings and scannings. Its not because i am pretty or cute or wearing shorts. It is just because i am just a girl. You girls know what i mean. Its not like i like to be in that PARTICULAR situation but sometimes i just have to be there....




2. My face. To be honest i have a lot of acne and some skin problems. I am not flawless (duhh). Especially when people acknowledge 'it'. Make up does not cover it all. And sometimes it can make it more obvious. Thats why i dont usually wear too much products on my face.

3. Grades. OMG! Being in the first class really stressed me up.. Some of my friends would said how lucky I am or whatever. We got more advantages than them. Well, the pressure for good results was killing me. Especially if my friends had As but i ended up with Bs. Plus my dad. He expected so much from me. All of it makes me insecure. The comparison.........

4. Clothes. *cry emojis* I am so damn bad at fashions. Really *fullstop*

These are the usual teenagers problems and insecure thingy. What makes it worst... When you actually read that

1. people age 18 already had so much money and own company. *Aiman Banna*

2. people age *younger* already achieve world record

3. people age *younger* have higer IQ level

4. people age *younger* have so much make up than up (LOL) *adik neelofa*

5. etc

Don't you feel insecure? You will start to reflect you life all along. What had you achieved. ETC

Well people, no need to feel bad nor sad.




You are not alone in this 'insecure zone'. There are people out there includes me, suffer more insecure.

BE positive with life. If you keep on living, good times will come.

The war between your insecure and yourself are worth a fight. If you win it, you will feel much better about yourself and your future. Trust me.

The most powerful weapon in this war is, ignorance.

Heads up and show everyone that what they thought is your weakness is actually your power!

How i use my IGNORANCE.

1. In the crowd of boys, i look down and distract myself with something else. phone or foot tapping. Anything helps.

2. I look people when they talk to me even i know i have such face. Just face them. If they cannot handle it, its their own problem. Talk like a professional. Trust me. I even became a debater. You know how many people i had faced with this face.

3. Grades? If i got bad grades. I just thought to myself, maybe good results come later after i suffer a lot of failures. Belum rezeki.

4. About my clothes? I just wear decently. I may not be stylish looking but at least i am wearing like normal people. Even if i already wore the same shirt for ages.

Some people who may be younger or same age achieve so much in their life because they are meant to be examples for people like us. To show that its not impossible. We can achieve the same goals but maybe not now. Its because we are in the different journey. Sooner or later we sill reach our destination.

Being insecure is ok. We all have it. Just strive. :)

Assalamualaykum

So yesterday i tried this new blog app. I thought i could published one post through it but i could not publish it. It was really really frustrating. I wrote a LOT about my make up reviews but i did screenshot it and tweet about it. I hope some of you guys saw it. I guess...

Today back on the keyboard. Then i thought i wanted to share about how it is for me to be 18 and all the damn expectation from most people especially my parents (duhh).



LIFE

Nothing different for now because i am still waiting for my collage applications to turn up. I already got matriculation application and if i decided to accept it, i will be in Gopeng in 7 June. Honestly, that was my last option. Kinda. Second last option. Let me review my expectation after SPM.

(DREAMLAND)
I thought SPM would be less hard or the gred would be rational but the reality is just so sad. Sadder than any love story with bad ending. Well, back to my dreamland. I imagined of getting excellent result (duhhh like everyone else) and i would prepared myself for any interview (which for now, non). I made a list of expectation and places for me to further my studies.
1. A-level at intec or kyuem with a holy scholarship
2. Foundation in um or uitm with JPA or MARA loan
3. Matriculation
4. Diploma

After i got my result, well there are changed of plan. *sigh Maybe a slide of change but i was totally wrong when i saw the requirements. *double sigh But i did saw a new option. Which is IPG ( where all the primary teachers got their degree before sign for their duties). By that time i just saw a different angle of options.

1. Foundation in ums or unimas
2. IPG
3. Matriculation
4. Diploma

A bit about IPG. After you got your degree you will be teaching primary schools which means you will be teaching student age 7-12. Then you will be in that institution for 5 years. You will get allowance every month. Job is guarantee. But you have to complete 3 phase. The first phase is, do you match all the requirements? 50 thousands are. Second phase, writing and physical test. Im in the 25 thousand lucky teens. The last phase, the interview for 5 thousands lucky teens. But only 1600 will be selected. So, you see how the competition. *sigh

My result match the foundation in ums and unimas but my parents dont want me to go out from peninsular of malaysia.

My result allowed me to enter intec but i dont have any scholarship or loan. *sigh

My life, for now, is just some housekeeping jobs and internet. Sometime i was happy because i dont have to wake up so early everyday or whatever but i did felt bad. Some of my friends already got interviews to earn scholarships or fast track whatever. I guess i have a whole different path from them.



EXPECTATION

MINE
1. Go with the flow.

I go on whatever chances i get and make the most of it. Then continue degree. If possible, i want to get degree from oversea because i want some adventures in my life. Get a job and be a good girl. Honestly, i am looking forward to work oversea. Even singapore would be great.

MY PARENTS

Go on matriculation. Full stop. Of course with the pep talk about life. Take some risk in life because IPG is too sweet. "You could do better than just a primary school teacher".

My dad had a LOT of high expectations. He is the one with the most disappointment as i got my result.

SOCIETY

"Follow your dreams"
"Learn things that you have passion"
"TAke course that can have guarantee in job"
"Bla bla bla"


My true dream

I don't ask for my family nor my friends to understand me. Or what i really want in my life. What i really want in life is to sacrifice my life for adventure. Maybe do charity work for like for UN or any other charity society. Maybe used my pocket money to travel to one country and work there as whatever i can be (good jobs like waitress or cashier) then i spend my weekend go on side seeing there. Use my paycheck to go to another country and do the same thing all over again. I could learned so much about life and be independent. I don't know but for me, travel is the only thing im so sure of. Something that i never want to give up. Im not from a rich family. I can't ask my dad for a europe trips. If he did agreed, it would require year of paychecks and so much hard work.

I am not planning to give up my TRAVEL plans yet but i know i have to delay it.

If you guys feel the same, think about it, maybe there are some changes in your life plans. But never give up the one dream that you can achieve. Just don't.

Well, thats all for today. Thank you for reading until the end. May Allah bless your life and have a great life. :)