I know these episodes are not as informative as I wish it would be. I'm just spilling my 'keluhan'.

Today my dad told me the stories about how he wanted to be a policeman back in the day. He sent his applications and got accepted. He was a teacher applying to be superintendent. "People had many choices during my day, even there were teachers who work at banks. One of my friends became forensic, he was a biology teacher." 

The point of his stories, he wants me to appreciate my job. He kinda knew that I'm having a rough time adjusting to the working environment. I assume. 

First paycheque. Kinda make things feel less shitty. I mean, I feel kinda great, now I can give my card to pay for the groceries items. I can feel that I'm more financially independent and a better child. 

I had a meltdown during this week actually. It was my first time counselling validation and I didn't ace it as much as I hope I would. I felt super shit cause my officer is super nice and kind. It's totally my fault for not preparing as well as I should. I know I'm being hard on myself. Without those shitty days, I wouldn't put extra effort.. As stressful as life is, I always remind myself that these bad days will be over and start better tomorrow. Mistakes are part of life. 

As much as I want things to end fast, I really need to learn everything within this period. 

Love hate feelings just always finds me wherever I go.  

 I've only been working for 5 weeks and tomorrow will be the 6th week. Of course more coming. 

I just don't understand why I feel very heavy and dreadful to be working. Is it the idea of adulting that makes me hate going to work? I mean, people don't bother me in any way that makes me uncomfortable. I was told to do things that I must do, they didn't rush me into anything with a whole lot of pressure. The pressure is there but bearable, I've been in worst situations before.

I started my degree life with this kind of feeling but it doesn't feel this shit after a month. I do feel better and kinda okay. 

Or is it because I still didn't have a proper buddy to talk to. No shoulder to turn to whenever I feel blue. 

I still don't know. 

Am I going to feel like this all the way for a year? This miserable? 

Yes, the word is miserable. I feel awful and ungrateful despite knowing some friends are actually in a worst place. No one really forces me or bully me. 

I don't want to feel like this. 

I need something there to make me feel better. Something secure. A supportive friend. At least, a person that can make me feel, a little happy. 

As I'm about to get used to a place, I go to another department. Hurm, at least after 4 months I'll rotate back to the same place. So yeah, maybe I'll find comfort by then. So far, I'm looking forward to March next year because I'll be back to the first department I work in, the place I feel safer and a bit welcome. I feel included for some time.

Pray for me. Pray that I get to finish PRP on time, without too many problems, and avoid any types of conflicts.   

 I should start preparing to sleep by now, its freaking 10pm. Yeah, I'm at the age where sleeping at 10pm is crucial but today, I'll give myself a break. I've been pilling up too much. I need to release some of those thoughts in the air. 

I'm kinda mad. I have 3 grown ass siblings but non of them actually sit down and have the 'reality check' conversation with me. Non of them told me how hard it is once you need to be the adult. The decisions you need to make. The 'i-need-to-figure-yourself' phase. All they ever told me, you just wait when it's your turn. Yeah now I have, what's next?

No one really tells you what's next. No one really wants to have the conversations like it's worthless or something. 

It's probably the caffein's talking because my shitty ass just decided to drink nescafe at night as I felt so lethargic all day long. Now I'm too pumped and probably will be hard to sleep. 

Growing up sucks. I wish someone makes a pill to ease the pain of adulting. 

Not only the fact I barely make any friends (like a lunch buddy) after almost a month here, everyday driving there also feels like shit. Its actually not bad but when you have nothing to look forward, it feels numb. 

I drive 30 minutes and feel like this, I can't imagine my dad who used to drive for almost 2 hours, there was a time, more than 2 hours to get to work. Omg..

I guess, at least it makes you appreciate what your parents ever did for you. Also the fact you understand the value of each penny. 

This may sound selfish but some part of me wish I just stayed at home and do nothing. Just live off my parents' money. I guess when you barely have time for anything else, you see 'doing nothing' as a luxury. Imagine waking up at 6, get ready by 7, work from 8 till 5pm, arrived home exhausted from working at a bit before 6pm. Then, eat, pray and rest, sleep at 10pm. Out of all the waking up hours, you only spend like less than 5 hours of not worrying too much. Yet, you still worry about tomorrow, lol

I know, reading those already make you feel dreadful.

Mindset is really important. Besides making yourself extremely busy to make the time (at work) go faster. 

Im sorry if the first phase of adulting sounds full of crap but each word is true. For me. 

Thanks for reading.

 Warning💥 : Heavily with certain sexual content. I'll be putting the fonts in red colour so if you're not interested in those scenes, you can skip ahead. The language will be more direct and forward.

It had been 2 weeks since we dated. A little update on Lily, she's hooked with Franky and it seems like Franky decided to transfer to our school. I get it, long distance totally sucks besides the fact rich people can do whatever they want. 

Franky is still a bit of pain in the arse but I'll manage it because I love Lily. 

Their relationship is not in secret like mine so Franky hangs out with A LOT with us. Sebastian would use Franky as an excuse to join us sometimes. No one dares to speak anything as my deathly glares kept them away from our table. 

We all know how Sebastian used to date hot girls and those relationships usually involve more than just kissing. When he decides to be with me, he has to be in control of his urges. I totally understand how sex could be so addictive. Again, Lily told me about it. Unlike me, Lily just goes for it on their first 'blind date'. I respect her decision. 

I know this shouldn't be my problem but yesterday as I was walking in the hallway, I saw Oliver at his locker. He was re-reading those notes I gave him, I could see sorrow behind his eyes as if he's so disappointed. Some part of me wishes that I could take those notes back if I know he could get hurt by it. We barely know each other, yeah, the same excuse.

*text*

: Hey, you free after school? :

= Yeah, why? =

: Come with me after school ^^ :

= Where are we going? =

: just trust me. see you later, babe 💓:

After school, I sneak by the corridor that only the janitors use it. It's the shortcut to the valet parking lot. Steve always knows where he should park to ensure I get into the car without being seen.

"Hello Steve!"

"Hello Beth, you kinda scared me for a minute."

"I thought you're used to it. (laughs)"

"I thought the same thing here. Let's move."

From the valet park, we head to the drop-off point to pick up Sebastian. 

- Sebastian got into the car -

"Hey babe, you're fast today."

"I sneaked out from English, Mr. Jarret totally bore us with his life lesson."

"Cool! I should do that sometime."

"Where're we going anyway?" 

" You'll see as we arrive. Just enjoy the ride."

"Can you at least give me a clue?"

"Well, somewhere outside the city and nearby our family lakehouse."

"A cabin? Wow, I've always wanted to see those."

"You never been to a cabin before?"

"My parents and I barely when to any 'nature' vacation as my dad always work in the big cities. Let's not switch the mood. *opens the window* Aaahhh... the smell of greens.." I close my eyes, continue to admire the natural scents as it blows my face.

= Cabin =

The Moy owns this private area. The cabin is literally right next to the lake while the cottage is located a bit more down the road about 10 minutes walk away. You can see it from the Cabin.

"This is breathtaking!" I am mesmerized by the surrounding. Without any hesitation, I enter the cabin.

The whole building is fairly small, being only one floor with the exception of a small loft. When you first want to enter the house you travel up a ramp that extends the length of the house, which leads to the front porch that stretches across the front. This porch leads to a beautiful uninterrupted view of the lake and is the perfect place to sit down and relax. A hummingbird feeder also hangs from the overhanging roof. The door to the interior rests at the right end of this porch, you can finally take in the beauty of the interior. 

"Sebastian, this is amazing!" I can't stop grinning, my heart blooms as I saw like a picnic set up right outside the porch. "Is this for me?" a surge of hotness flows directly to my cheeks. 

"Happy belated birthday!" Sebastian screams with enthusiasm. He starts to sing 'happy birthday' while clapping. I just stood there, smiling like an idiot. "I'm sorry it took me two weeks to prepare for today. I wanted to be here alone, with you. That and the fact it took me a whole week to surprise you. I suck at planning so-

Swiftly, both of her hands grab his t-shirt pulling him closer. She pressed her lips on his. Lips sealing together as his hand tangles in her hair while his tongue flicks across her bottom lips. She lets him in without hesitations, allowing the wet muscle to slide against hers. He groans.

I break apart from him, panting for air. 

"Thank you, I love it." His entire face lights up when he heard it, a relieved smile curling on his mouth. 

We both sat on the cute blanket as we indulge the food that Sebastian claimed he prepared it himself. We have apple and oranges slices, some mini cheese in cubes, a mini Korean cake, also a bottle of soda serve in champagne glasses. He knows that I don't drink but he never asks why. To break the silence and stop myself from chewing everything, I start the conversation by saying, "This is so peaceful, I never knew a place like this could be so near yet felt so far away."

"My mom discover this place incoincidence. She had a fight with my dad so she would go out for a drive. She had a punctured tire out of nowhere, it was dark. Suddenly some stop by to help her, that person brought her here, he was the helper of this cottage. The owner was selling this place so after spending one night, my mom just knew that we need to own this place."

"When was that?"

"10 years ago? I think so. We would come here when we want to celebrate important moments in our life and new years."

"I barely remember the last time the three of us sat down for a dinner. My dad's always busy so to hide the frustration my mom would do the same thing. I would have my dinner in my room because at least I don't have to see them bickering or making up excuses to not come to the table. It's sad to see how my mom and dad would avoid each other's presence." My voice shakes as I wipe away the tears escaping from my watery eyes. I hate showing people my vulnerabilities. It doesn't feel necessary. 

Sebastian wraps his arms around my torso, he brush my back to calm me down. He rests his left cheek on my head. The warmth of his body wrapped around me brings such comfort that I had never felt before, is this what 'hug' feels like. I lift my arms, slide around his back while my face buried into his chest. This feels nice. 

Gradually I pull away from his warm embrace, tilt my head back just a little. I want to kiss him badly! He's leaning towards me and I meet him halfway, lips slanting against one another almost desperately. He decided to take the lead this time, one of his hands coming to rest on the back of my neck while his tongue creeps pass my teeth. 

You know where this is going almost immediately. When you two pull apart for air, you can see in Sebastian a telltale gleam in his eyes that makes you go a little bit weak in the knees. There's lust and something else in his gaze that makes your heart soar. 

You're head is spinning almost certainly as he kisses you again, slowly this time. His body is pressed against yours, you feel like the world has ceased to exist. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing but this right here, the feeling of having you reciprocate his affections. 

You move a few inches away. He looks at you as if he did something wrong, 

"Am I moving too fast?" he asked, voice dripping like honey, and all you could do was shake my head 'no'. He place my right wrist on his shoulder, he wraps his hand around my back and another hand around the bend of my knees, he lifted me from the ground. I let out a tiny scream of distress. He carries me inside, close the sliding door behind him and head to the bedroom. Gently he drops me off on the bed. I lay on my back, Sebastian crawls onto the bed hovering over me.

Sebastian locked my lips with his once more. He pressed his lips carefully along my neck. "Do you like it?" There is gentleness in his voice as his breath hits your ear, sending shivers down your spine. The way my body twitches each time he touched, made him snickering. This is the first time he sees your vulnerabilities. You release a loud moan as he sucks your skin, leaving a purple mark, your first hickey on your collarbone. 

The flicker of lust in his eyes as he lock his eyes on yours, he slowly started trailing his warm hands underneath your shirt, making you skip a beat. His warmth, his scent, just his presence is intoxicating to you and you looked at him through clouded eyes as you gave in. Sebastian is experienced in bed thus he yanks your bra and throws it carelessly over his shoulder. You raise your arms as he pulls up your school uniform. You looked away, no one ever saw you half-naked before, now everything is about to change. 

"You're beautiful," those words flew out from his throat before he yanks his own shirt off, exposing those Hercules build that was hiding underneath. You are amazed by his perfect built even though you knew he has abs by the rumors going around school. The staring you gave made him blush. 

You lean on, but this time not to kiss his mouth but his abs. You caught him by surprise, his eyes bulge with disbelief yet those kisses are seductive, he groans just a tiny bit. The sound is music to your ears, you managed to turn him even more! You grab his shoulders, he falls right on top of you, before he could gain his balance, you roll and sits right on top of his waist, where your hips meet his, you could feel his erection press against you through his jeans. While locking eyes with Sebastian, you unbuckle his belt. 

"Do you bring any condoms with you?" 

"Er...I'm not sure, we can buy the pill after this," Sebastian said with eagerness. Yet, it totally turns you off. You swear that for the whole 2 seconds, you see your future flashing over your eyes. Pregnant- cant continue to college coz the baby - mad parents - stop school because too embarrassed.

"I can't do this!" I jump off the bed and rush to the bathroom. 

Text Lily

"EMERGENCY! Do you use a condom for the first time?"

= No, I took the morning after pill after that. I do that each time we have sex, =

"Seriously? Why not use condom?"

= Franky hates condoms. He said it makes him feel uncomfortable. He did pull out, sometimes. =

Franky is 100% a douch bag. 

I'm pretty sure freaking out like that would make Sebastian break things off with me. I am even scared to get out from here, half naked. 

*knock on the door*

"Hey, you wanna talk? Here's your shirt and ... er..bra.. Just come out. I'm not mad." 

I took my clothes, dress up properly. I step out, slowly. Sebastian literally sitting on the bed while staring at my slow-motion walk. 

"So, you wanna say what freaks you out? I wouldn't force you to do anything that you're not ready to do." He sounds calm and concern. 

"I'm sorry.. I just, I have tons of doubts about .. erm .. unprotected sex.. I mean, STDs and - " my voice has some shakiness as I say 'unprotected sex'.

"Wait, you think I have STDs?!?" 

"I have doubts okay. Maybe we both should get tested and meet an expert before going all the way." I try adding firmness in my tone, despite still shaking. 

"Why do you always make things complicated?" Sebastian frown in disbelief. "First you say I have STDs then you want me to meet experts about sex, after all these, what else do you want me to do??" He storms out of the room without looking back.

"Sebastian, WAIT!" I rush behind him but I slip over his t-shirt on the floor, the next thing I remember was seeing the ceiling before a loud BANG sounds. 

I woke up in bed, I feel kinda hazy. 

"Hey, you okay?" Sebastian said while he's holding my hand. 

"Yeah, I feel fine just a bit dizzy." 

He looked me in the eye, I saw desperation, anger buried beneath those dark eyes. 

"Sebastian, listen. I want you. (deep inhale, exhale through mouth) I just want to do it safely. I want to enjoy each second without worrying about anything else like I might get pregnant or the condom might slip while in me or whatever that might go wrong. If this is too much to ask then, we can't do 'this' at all." While i wrap my fingers between his. 

He nod his head in silence, he gazes down like a sulking kid who couldn't get candy.

I tilt his head back, lean on to land my lips against his. Our tongues move like it's meant for each other. 

= the next day =

I went to the clinic that provides sexual health services. Sebastian agrees to come along too.

Firstly we do the STDs test accordingly. Blood and urine tests, followed by some physical tests. As soon as the results are out, we meet the doctor who then interprets our results.

I asked her some questions;

Beth: What type of protection should I use?

Doctor: We have variety of contraception, birth controls, diaphragm, IUD and you can always use condom during intercourse.

Beth: Well, what do you suggest for me? 

Doctor: You can choose which one you feel is more convenient to use. If you want to use the pill, you need to make sure to take it every day for 21 days at the same time of the day, then have a break for 7 days where you will bleed. The side effects may vary according to people. Sometimes certain things do not work for some people, you might have terrible side effects while your friends don't, then you can opt for a different types of contraceptives. 

Beth: Do I still need to use condom even if I'm on my pills?

Doctor: Well, you can still use condom to protect from STDs and other types of infection. If you don't used condom, you are still well protected as long as you're taking those pills religiously. 

Beth: What if I forgot to take my pill, like, should I take 2 pills the next day?

Doctor: You can take the pill immediately when you remember or just take it as usual the next day, either way, you are still protected from getting pregnant. For extra precaution, you can use condom. 

Beth: That really helps. Thank you!

I got out with a happy heart. I waited for Sebastian and we pretty much discuss what we just know.

" I just knew that there's another type of condom that girls wear it. I thought condoms are only for men." Sebastian said with full of excitement. Kinda funny to see how invested he is with this whole thing.

The conversation goes on, both of us are free from any STDs. We decided to wait for the right moment.

"I'm sorry, about yesterday."

"No, you shouldn't be. I get it. At least now we know better. Oh, I need to stop by the pharmacy."

"Steve, can you stop by at the pharmacy?"

"Yes, we will be there in 5."

" What do you need?"

"I need to buy some tampons and pads. You wanna follow?"

"Should I?"

"I dont know, haha, you can stay here."

"Wait! I think I should at least know about it."

"Ok, come."

I show Sebastian the things we use for the period.

"This is the tampon, this is the menstrual cup and those are pads."

"Why are there so many things??"

"We use it based on how we bleed. I mean, the flow, like heavy flow, normal flow."

"It doesn't make sense." Sebastian scratching his head.

"Imagine the water, heavy flow is like the waterfall or heavy rain, a lot of blood rushing out while the normal flow is like the calm water by the river. Does it make sense?"

" I kinda get it." 

"Well, in some days I used tampons, and other days I used pads. It depends on the mood. I guess this one depends on personal preferences. All you need to know, remember these brands. *showing him what I use* I use these things so if I ever need your help to buy it, you know which one I prefer."

I also purchase my very first 'pills'. 

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I insert some common knowledge that you can get through websites by simple googling. I personally think that going to a clinic or any health facility that provides sexual services or whatever your country call it, is appropriate before you start to be active sexually. You need to have the right knowledge about it so you can practice safe sex.

Also, your partner (male) should at least know about pads and tampons or whatever you prefer to use during menstrual. There's nothing to be ashamed of about menstrual and he also needs to be responsible to take care of you during your PMS etc. 

I know that this episode is kinda a lot but I hope yall enjoy it! This is probably will be the last episode for a long time. I just got a job and I needed to direct all of my focus on that job. I will be updating my blog less than usual. 

Thank you for reading! See you next time!

ps: pray for me!

 I woke up to the ray of sunshine that creeps through the curtain. I saw Sebastian sleeping facing me just like how I placed him last night. Tiny snores linger as he breathes. With a heavy heart, I rose from the bed and brush my teeth. 

Tiptoed slowly back into the room to see if Sebastian has woke up, he is still in deep sleep - that's what I thought- As I was about to turn my body away, in a flash, I fall back into bed. Sebastian pulls me by the waist while his eyes are still shut. In slow motion, he peaks through his left eye.

"Where's my good morning kiss?" 

"Your breaths stinks! I'm not kissing those." I pinched my nose and rolled my eyes. 

"I can't move. Will you brush my teeth for me?" He whines like a baby.

"I'll call the maid to do it for you." As I was about to move to the button, he grabs my elbow while his other hand reach for my wrist turns my upper torso closer to him. 

"Stay. Let's just stay here for awhile." He pulls my head to his chest, I could hear his heart pounding a rhythm against his ribcage. 

I could feel him exhale between the string of my hair, he brush my back gently. 

"Your hair smells nice, I could breathe in this all day."

Glad that my face is buried into his chest, he can't see how I'm smiling like an idiot underneath. 

Still curling in his embrace, I tilt my head to peep his lazy eyes that have been staring at me the whole time. 

"Let's have breakfast. Our first meal as a couple." I try to tone down the excitement in my voice.

He smiles.

"I could eat you for breakfast." Those dark eyes beam complements the devilish grinning. 

"Not today."

I push him aside and walk away. 

= Dining room =

There's no food prepared. I'm a bit confused.

"The maids usually don't prepare breakfast if our parents are not home. We can ask them to make something or just order delivery, anything is fine by me." Sebastian explains as he rubs his right eye. 

"I can make some pancakes. Just show me where's the kitchen." I start to look around, march away to other parts of the house. This gigantic mansion that I could easily get lost. 

"Hey, we can ask them to cook. You don't have to bother about it. Ina cooks are amazing!"

"Ina?" 

"It means mother, she's the oldest maid here. She practically raises me ..." There's sadness beneath his voice. I get it.

"I grew up alone too. My parents move a lot so I don't really have friends. My mom tried to get pregnant again but she lost two stillborn babies.. It took a toll on her mental health so she decided to stop and I don't blame her for it. Where ever we settle down, I would spend the most time in the kitchen, I learn cooking for the chefs or whoever we hired as a helper in the house. No matter where I go, at least I can make home-cook meals." I lay my eyes on the feet because I know it sounds stupid, I don't want to see him making fun of me.

Instead, he cupped my cheeks and press his forehead on mine as he whispers," That's very beautiful."

My face overheated, he chuckles as he saw it. 

= Kitchen =

"My child, what are you doing? I can cook for you. Anything you craves dear?" Ina appears from the backdoor.

"Aunty-"

"Just call me Ina ."

"Ina, I want to make some pancakes for Sebastian. It's been awhile since I cook in the kitchen. Take out foods are boring, I miss cooking for myself. Can you, assist me?" Ina held my hands, "Of course dear, any time." Her motherly gesture with sprinkles of loveliness in her tone touched my soul. I feel warm just by standing in the same room as her. 

I mixed the ingredients, heat up the pan. I was really in the zone, I didn't realize Sebastian observing each move I made. He looks astonished by a simple meal I prepared.

"You should learn cooking sometime, it really helps to distract yourself." That made him awake from his daydreaming. 

"I don't trust myself around a fire or any other kind of heat, I get all sweaty and start-

"He could barely crack an egg," Ina says sarcastically before both of us explode in laughter.

"Ina!" 

--- meal is ready ---

"Dig in! I'm starving!"

"Wow, it's good!"

"It's just pancake, I bet other girls you dated cook better meals for you."

"I have girls cooking for me but never dated any of them," he wicks at Ina and he stares at her with the corner of his eyes. 

"No one you dated had cooked for you before?" Now he sounds ridiculous I bet he's just trying to be modest. 

"Ask Ina if you don't trust me," he says with his mouth full of pancakes with strawberries. 

"Sebastian never let any girls stay until breakfast, they usually left before the sun rises. (Sebastian coughs, he choked some of the pancakes) Excepts the last ones, Leela? I never saw her eating. She's always on diet," her eyes widen as if she saw a ghost. Her expression turn bitters as she mentioned Layla.

"I told Sebastian that he should find good girls. The ones that care about him." Ina continues as her hand smacks the back of his head. 

"Ina! I'm eating. I just choked-

"You'll live." 

"Layla cares about me." Sebastian tries to defend his taste on women. Even though he knew what Ina said is true, each word. 

"You young people use this word often, 'my ass' (?). "

"Ina! That's not appropriate. "

"Let the woman preach." I just love juicy stories.

"Layla always comes after school with her friends. She always boss around the house like she owns the house." Sebastian froze as he listens to Ina.

"She even disrespects us.. She would ask Steve to pick up her dry cleanings, she asked Melati (I assume another maid in the house) to walk her puppy each time she's here with her puppy and always nags me about my cooking."

"Ina, why you never told any of these before? I could do something about it." There's guilty in his tone. 

"Why should we? It's our job. I also don't want it to become an issue. She's our guest. We treat the guests of this house with honor.

I would love to stay but I need to do the laundry, miss-

"Beth ;)"

"Such a lovely name. Beth, I wash your dress. Don't worry I know it's silk so I sent it to the dry cleaning while you were sleeping. I saw Sebastian was at the pool house so I decided to pick up his laundry, I'm sorry if I interrupted your sleep."

"It's fine, no worries."

Ina left us alone. Sebastian left his food untouched since Ina told him bout Layla. 

"Hey, finish it up. You don't wanna waste good food." I try to ease the tense of the atmosphere. 

"Oh, yeah. Sorry.." He looks withdrawn and pensive, hardly speaking for the next hour. He is probably still surprised. For Sebastian, the maids and driver are more than just helpers, they are his real family. The ones that made him feel at home. The ones that love him for who he is without him needing to prove anything.

"Oh btw, can you call a car for me? I need to go back. I got some assignments to do this weekend." I blurted out something just to snap him out of his deep thought. 

"Steve can send you. Besides, I'm coming with you! How about you let me stay in your room this weekend?" Sebastian begins to smile the moment he suggests we spend the weekend together in my tiny room. To be fair, my room is actually a bit bigger than his room because my parents paid extra money to put more unnecessary closets that filled with clothes I barely wear. 

"I don't think that's a good idea. I'll be busy with work and you will be left in boredom." I insisted to deny his request.

"Or, you stay here. We can go out, I'll buy you the clothes you need." 

"How about, I go back to school and you stay here. We spend the weekend just like how we used to do before we met each other."

"Are you pushing me away? Is that what you want?" I can hear a string of disappointment in his annoyingly attractive voice. 

"No, I just.. If you come with you, you need to sleep on the sofa. You're lucky I have a sofa bed for you to crash on it. Still, you'll be bored. I don't have any tv or those fancy pinball machines in my room."

"I'm fine with sleeping on the sofabed. I want to get to know you. We're seeing each other-

"IN S.E.C.R.E.T. remember?"

"Oh shoot! Why did I agree to that before.." He swings his palm right onto his forehead. 

"I can't let people see you with me, at least not in school."

"Then, stay. Let me get to know you. Let's spend time together like a couple. Let's watch a movie, eat dinner, have a nice long walk by the beach, let's start doing things together." He reaches for my empty palm and laces his fingers together. Those dark eyes filled with loneliness stare directly into my pupils as if I could illuminate his world. 

"I'M A VIRGIN!" The look he gave me made me say it. 

"Oh.. I think you told me that before." 

"I did but I'm not sure if you remember it. (I took a long pause) Sebastian, I have a feeling that you want me so bad last night but when I pushed you away, you felt like I PUSH YOU AWAY literally. I'm sorry about that. The truth is, I'm not ready to do 'it'. I want you too, my lady part certainly agrees as I know how 'she' reacts each time you kissed me. Just, not now. 

If we are spending the weekend together, you need to obey the limitations." 

"I'm on board. I want you to feel safe with me." Intermediately he places kisses on my knuckles. 

"Ok, I'll stay." 

My hands clutch at his color shirt, bringing him closer. I press my lips against his. The kiss felt right and sweet like the maple syrup he had with his pancakes. 

I spend the weekend with him. I did my assignments while he's playing on his phone. I managed to force him to do some studying with me as we BOTH will have a quiz on Monday for Biology. We slept in the same bed without being naked or dry humping each other. 

The relationship continues as a secret. Oh, we made Oliver promise to keep the secret as well. Surprisingly, he came on board without asking any questions.

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This chapter is a bit boring as it is filled with talking and less intimate actions. I think we need a break from anything intimate. I'll bring some actions in the next chapter! Thanks for reading! 

I'm taking a bit of a break from my fanfic. Even the whole day, I'm distracting myself from thinking much about those young boys.

Let's get back to this 'segment'. I had encounter some people who tend to bring me down and some of them did. If you scroll down, a few years ago I had come clean about how I was bullied in school. I didn't realize those actions were 'bully' until I reach, maybe 20. I told my close friends about how I was treated and how it affect me. 

Thinking back, some seniors did pretty shitty things too. 

Well, let's focus on the ones that actually AFFECT my future. At least, what I thought would be the future. 

Back in 2012, I wanted to be the school team player but I was unsure what sport I want. Eventually, I became a track runner for a few events but never train properly. It was just for regional level. I tried 'bola jaring' before this but there were tons of better players. Not to mention how the couch discourage me whenever I played. I saw disappointment on her face, crystal clear. Some of my friends wouldn't agree but they were better than me of course they were treated better. It's fine tho. I totally understand. 

Then, I saw my seniors playing basketball. I thought to myself, wow, girls playing basketball?? That's cool! So I started to play, for fun during riadah. One day they have selections for the junior team, I gave my all and I was picked into the team. I practise and train like everyone else. When my seniors saw my improvement, I felt great so I play more. 

My teacher who was in charge of handling our team also recognize me. He got us a few gigs to play friendly with different schools. One of the schools was in Penang, so we went there. During our time there, my friends and I did something wrong. Due to tradition, 'SENIORITY' plays a major role. We didn't take the balls after practise or friendly, I don't remember the exact thing, back to our dormitory. It causes my seniors to feel like we had disrespected them because they were the ones who needed to carry it back. 

Hence, the tension began. 

We (juniors) must greet our seniors (every freaking seniors) whenever we saw them, 'assalamualaykum kak sekian or at least assalamualaykum kak' while nod our head out of 'respect'. When we were in Penang, there were just us, as the team so I didn't greet them properly so I offended them MORE. 

When we got back to school, we (juniors) were scolded due to how we behave. How we 'disrespected' them. I was barely 14 so I got scared. The captain of the team and only like 2 others if not mistaken that scolded us. I became demotivated and it affected how I played. I was too scared I made tons of mistake....

Before HKSBP Utara 2012 was held, they made the last selection of teammates. The ones that will represent the school. I was chosen because my teacher had sympathy on me. I told him I tried netball but I was not selected due to high competition which lead to me joining basketball practises. There were only 3 juniors chosen (spoiler; those other 2 were the one bullied me fast forward in our senior years). Also, both of them cracked their legs from playing basketball. 

I tried to decrease the tension by behaving better but I kinda suck in playing as everything I did just went south. I could do better when I practise alone but totally suck whenever we play in the team. It was too late, my senior already made up her mind to hate me. 

During HKSBP Utara, juniors were the reserve players (duhh), we only got to enter the court last minutes. My senior and teacher said,"You will have more time playing in the coming years." (another spoiler alert; I didn't have the chance)

I had my first true devastating break up during the event. Shitty izzul decided that it's the best thing to do while I'm in one of the important events in my life. It was a few days before my birthday, btw. 

I spent most of the time on the side of the court. 

At least I did played for 3-on-3 Gatorade event that they held each year. Of course I lost miserably due to my shitty skills. I admit that I didn't play that well but so did a few others. At least they were not humiliated. 

I had been humiliated and had self-doubt growing up, this event of my life is the highlight of it. 

Honestly, I don't understand how some of my friends see me as a confident person. I guess I am very skilled in hiding my pain away. I swallow my pride and walk the earth like I had never heard any bad news.

Back to the story.

We won the 2nd place so we got the chance to go to the national level. Represent SBP Utara as the finalist. I was excited and pumped! I had always wanted to go to the national levels and meet up with more people. Of course I had the dream to be one of the senior players someday. I thought I will improve as I go. 

I didn't.

As we came back from the school holiday (the event was held in our school and during break time.), I heard that my back-then friends (other 2 juniors in the same team) heard rumors that the captain didn't want me in the team. The rumors amplify as more people talked about it, I mean, others started to notice it too. We had a break from practicing after the event so I didn't meet any of the seniors. 

While this shitty things were happening, one of my seniors introduce debate to me. Maybe my English teacher.. Well, someone introduce debate to me. I joined for fun. I had always love arguing with people.

One day, it was very clear that the captain didn't want me in the team.

This is what I heard, I still remember, each word;

"I heard the captain told the teacher that she will withdraw from being a captain if I stayed in the team."

It breaks my stupid heart. I fucking admire her as a player, a senior and her rep. 

I don't know if people made some of the shits up to make it sound worst but the point is, I'm out FOR GOOD!

I never step back to the court as a player. I did play again for fun or for representing Theta (rumah sukan). 

Just like that. I was pretty much banned. 

Yall must be thinking, what don't you wait for her to finish school and join again??

I can't. 

Basketball national and debate were held in the same event. I can't do both even if I wanted to. 

She eventually finished school but I was 16, I'm in my senior years. I don't want to be the senior who has skills of beginners. Also, I was humiliated when I quit. I'm not gonna pushed aside my pride for the game. Beside, I am the seniors in my debate team, I trained seniors too. I'm deeply committed to debate. At least they appreciate me. Those debate skills have become handy even up until now.

Debate opened a lot of opportunities for me. I met tons of other people and still connect to some of them until now. I went to various SBPs when not everyone was given that chance. I got offers to join more english related competitions. I gained respect for people as a debater.

Without that shitty experience, I might miss out on a lot of other things. I'm grateful but..

It doesn't change the fact I was banished, humiliated and scarred for life. 

I hold no grunge on the captain tho, I thanked her for the opportunities as a debater. 

As I said, basketball events and debate are held in the same place and time, so I still go to the place they played. We support each other if we had the chance. I was not hurt as I watched them play, I did wish I play but you don't get everything you want.

I hate it when I needed to go through so much shits to be where I am.

I know I didn't play well but I should at least get a better farewell. 

Well, the captain is not a b*tch but that event was a b*tch to me.

Sekian

 I decided to wait for Sebastian at the corner of the hall where no one is seating there. I enjoy being alone, it helps with the anxiety. I develop mild anxiety due to the bullying. I stop taking the meds as I don't have any attacks for more than 3 months now. I usually have Lily to ease up my anxiousness. Now, Lily is busy with her new boyfriend and I had no other friends so I prefer sitting at the corner while scrolling down Instagram. 

Text*

"Where you are? We're leaving for the afterparty at my house. Meet me near the exit."

"Okay, be there in 5." More parties? I don't even drink. Is this the first challenge as Sebastian's girlfriend? I groan as I stood up.

I could see Sebastian is waiting for me. His smile beams as soon as he saw me.

"Hey handsome, I thought you had left me."

"Never. Let's go!" He pulls my left wrist forward as he walks to the limousine that's waiting at the main entrance. 

"Where do you live?" I'm curious about it since he never told me anything about his house. 

"You'll get there in 20 minutes."

"I have something I need to tell you," I raise my voice a little. Sebastian puts away his phone and turns his attention to me. 

"I want to be with you but *a pause* I don't want people at school to know it. I hope you respect my request." I pour my heart out. I avoid looking into his eyes that could draw a distressing sight. 

Instead, he let out a huge sigh of relief. His hand cupped my cheek and leaned down close. I couldn't look away. His face is so close I could feel his breath. I shut my eyes as tight as possible, denying to face him. Gently he rests his forehead against mine. 

"I had only known you for less than a month in person but you're so addictive. You're like ecstasy to my heart. I would do, ANYTHING for you as long as you stay." The genuine earnestness in his voice makes me smile. I could feel his face moving close. His warm lips touch my upper lip. Just a smooch. The warmth of his touch made me succumb, demanding more than just a smooch.

I wove my fingers into his hair and he hummed in approval. He wraps his fingers at the back of my neck as he tilts his head. Surprisingly our movement compliments each other.

I break apart from his kiss to gasp for air. Both of us are panting. He smiles, underneath the smile I could see a little pain because he knows he needs to control himself.

"We're here," Steve announced as we enter the main gate to a huge mansion. 

My eyes were transfixed to the beautiful reflection of the moon in the midnight sky the moment I step out of the car. Loud music play at the back which reminded me of the party that I'm about to go to.

I grab Sebastian to the side, I pull his shoulder hard enough, he leans on his right side. I whisper vaguely, "Can I not go to the party? I'll wait in your room instead. err.. I mean ... the guest room.." My head spinning as I'm not sure if he gets my intention. 

"I can stay with you, *his fingers hooked my chin* if that's what you want." My face overheated with his gesture. 

"No..no..Oliver needs you tonight." I stutter as I nervously looked away.

"He wouldn't miss me. He would be busy partying, besides it's his birthday, not mine. We can have our own little party by ourselves." Grinning nefariously he simultaneously grasps my waist upwards. I let out a small scream before I shield my mouth with both of my palms. My heart skips a beat. (Is it happening tonight? Am I ready?)

"No!" I pushed his herculean chest. My hands are shaking against his sturdy physique. 

"I understand. Let me show you my room." Sebastian faces the front. I notice he sounded distressed. I started biting my nails. I only do it when I'm nervous. 

Sebastian's room

His room is huge and spacey. There's a bass at the corner of the room. The room looks clean and tidy for a man's space. 

"I had some things that Layla left, it's in that box. You can use anything you need. I'll be at the pool house for the party. If you need anything, you can push this button right next to the dresser, one of the maids will assist. I will sleep in the guest room tonight so you wouldn't be interrupted." Just like that he closes the door behind him. Leaving me alone, again.

I could fathom the frustration he's feeling. I push him away. We may share the same age but his lifestyle and expectations lay beyond mine. I'm still a maiden. I would like to 'do it' with Sebastian however I just knew him. I don't even know his middle name, his favorite colour or if he has any allergies.

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POV Sebastian

Am I not enough for her? Does she not want me? Sebastian conceals the devastation deep inside his heart. He decided to drown himself with alcohol the whole night to take his mind off Beth. He totally forgets the fact Beth is still a virgin out of everything else he did remember in detail about her. He may pay attention to how she runs her hand through her hair as she's feeling shy, the blazing crimson ears each time he kisses her, the way she walks gracely but still stumbles. He chuckles by himself. 

The pain lingers back at the back of his head.

He storms out to the pool house. He deserves a break from the tension. At least. that's what he thought the best. Abandon Beth in his room like a hostage, even offers Beth the things Layla left instead of staying and try to understand. 

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 I wipe off the makeup, undone the dress, folds it neatly. I reach for the bathrobe which hangs close to the dresser. She's amazed by the view from the balcony. She unlocks the door and finds herself looking up at the sky.

The atmosphere during a moonlit night is reigned by calmness and quietness if we walk through the countryside, which is away from humdrum, noise and clamour of cities. Moreover, the cool air and the cool beams of the moon, kissing each and every object of nature, present a charming sight.

 She's easily caught in her own thought whenever she is stunned by the nature unnoticed by a figure watching her from downstairs.

I get back inside, freshen up before slipping into the comforter to sleep. I wear Sebastian's t-shirt and his boxer as pajamas.

BANG! BANG! BANG!  

I was awake by the loud bang on the door. 

"Who is it?" Slowly I twist the knob and take a peek outside.

It is Sebastian, drunk Sebastian.

I let him in. He tumbles onto me causes me to be imbalanced, thank God I manage to push him outwards gaining some stability. I drag Sebastian to his bed. He is indeed wasted.

"Hey you!" he mumbles angrily. "Why don't you want me..." Now he starts sobbing and whining. "Other girls would be dying to be with me..but you...I want you....." more tears run down his cheeks, he covers his eyes with his forearm. 

I'm not sure what I should do.

"Should I call the maid?"

I choose to tug in Sebastian as soon as he passed out. He did.

I unbutton his vest, took off his shoes and socks, and layout the comforter on top of him. I lay next to him. I stare at his good-looking face, the face that robs girls' hearts. I saw the smiling lines, his freckles, those uneven brows, also the seductive round-shaped lips. I'm not sure how many girls did he kissed before me, it really paid off, he's such an exquisite kisser. 

Suddenly his forehead furrowed into an agonized frown.

"He must be tired.." I brush my fingers through his hair, hoping it could ease the nightmare. The wrinkles of distress stretches, he's calm now. 

Frozen in Time

That's the theme for Winter Dance this year. In conjunction with our main sponsor, Moy's family, it will be held on 7th March (Oliver's birthday) which is 2 days from now. Only Lily knows that it is my birthday too. 

I called my mom last night, I told her about how I actually have a date for the dance but I don't have a dress. My mom freaked out worst than I did. "I'll be at your school by tomorrow morning with everything! Just tell me what you want to wear. " Before I could say anything, she cut me off, "You know what, just trust me. I'll prepare everything for you! Okay, I got a flight to catch, see you soon. Bye bye muah!" just like that she hangs up.

I texted my mom,

"Please, no sexy outfits. I prefer green and long dresses. If possible, no heels?" *seen*

I don't really have much choice but wait for her. *ringtone* Oh, it's Lily. Finally!

"Hey, Lily. I heard you were too busy for me," while I rolled my eyes even I know she can't see it. 

"Franky is very light with his hand. I know we just met but I feel a real connection with him. It's like we had known each other in our previous life," Lily describing his personality after spending a few hours with this stranger while her index finger swirls her ponytail. 

"I see you're falling head over heel for this ... Freeky? ('FRANKY' Lily corrects me) Ah, Franky. Geez, can you chill for a minute? I'm the one who's having a crisis," I whimpered as I roll on my bed. "I had to call my mom to ask her help on finding me a set of outfits for the dinner." 

"I have tons of dresses if you want to use," Lily replies like it's not a big issue.

"I know but we are built differently, no offense Lily but I'm at least a foot taller than you and my boobs may slip from one of those dresses. I saw your collection Lily, I don't fit well in column and over-the-shoulder dresses. Besides, is Franky gonna be your date this weekend?" my curiosity builds up as Lily took her time to answer my only question.

"Well... don't be mad at me .... the reason I called you ... I wanted to tell you that I'm not going to the dance. Franky- 

"Are you kidding me?! You just met this guy and now you're spending a romantic getaway with the guy you barely knew. So you're ditching me?" naturally I raise to a sitting position while I scream at Lily.

"We didn't plan to go to the dance anyway so I thought I would stay in, with Franky, in ITALY! His uncle has a vacation home there. I'm skipping school tomorrow and Friday!! I'm already in his private jet to ITALY!! (miss please keep your phone as we will fly in a minute) Oh sorry, give me a second. BETH, gotta go! Muah! Enjoy the weekend!" Lily cut me off before I could say anything else.

Great.. 

As I was about to switch off the light, I saw my phone vibrates. Sebastian is calling.

"Hello." I say while yawning.

"You're about to go to sleep? I'll be quick." I could hear his concerned tone.

"It's fine. What's up?"

"About the dance. You said you don't have a dress so I thought I could help you pick one. I can call in some favors."

"It has been handled. I'm in good hands. Worst, the faith of my entire look will be decided completely by my mom. She's coming tomorrow. I'm seeing her after school for a fitting. I will probably wear green, like jade kind of green. Are you okay with that?" This is last minute so I'll understand if he decides otherwise.

"Green is fine. I'll wear a matching green bowtie to your dress." I feel relief as I heard Sebastian is completely cool with green. 

"Oh, great! I'm glad you're okay with that."

"I see you tomorrow. Good night, Beth." The way Sebastian spoke my name, his voice, deep, warm that melts my heart to the ground. 

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The day of the main event.

Winter Dance; Frozen in Time.

I'm super nervous about tonight. My mom picked such a unique choice for me. The make up and emerald dress compliments my pale skin well. I'll be making a statement wearing like this but I don't think I have any other choices. Sebastian will pick me up. 

Here we go!

As Sebastian stepped out from the car, I could literally hear other girls in the surroundings gasping for air. He looks sharp-looking and well-fitted in the black Armani tuxedo with velvet lapel suits his suave manners. The raven vest that compliments his outfit as well as his leather shoes. I saw his emerald bowtie still hanging around his neck. He smiles, a bit magical even in this dim light. 

He saw me standing a few inches away from the limousine. His jaw dropped, his eyes popped! I divert my glance elsewhere to avoid eye contact as my cheek's burning. 

"You look astonishing and breathtaking all at the same time. Your mom sure knows what goes well with you." He picked my left wrist and tie a bracelet corsage. Gently brought his lips to my hand, leaving a brief kiss on the skin just above my knuckles.

"You're lucky I know how to tie a bowtie. Scootch a bit lower." My fingers dance step by step to tie that bowtie. "Done!" He gave a quick smooch that caught me off guard. "Thank you, princess." I can feel the surge of blood rose to my face. My pale face turns pinkish for a split second. 

For this event, they layout red carpet on the entrance for the girls to show off their designer dresses. Everything is important, from the accessories on the top of your head down to your toe. 

Sebastian stepped out of the vehicle. His stunning image sure attacks the attention of the entire crowd. Flashes of camera blazing as he offers his hand to another person in the same vehicle. People are freaking out because the infamous Sebastian brought a date! 

He held out his hand. The slight raise on her brows betrayed the surprise she was trying to hide as she stared at the empty palm in front of her. Her gaze traveled upwards meeting his, searching for certainty. She slid her hand into his hold. She didn't notice the curve that the corner of her lips made as soon as the warmth of contact settled in but he did.

Timidly, I stepped out.

the female companion is dressed in a jade green silk dress which compliments the cornsilk see-through cardigan with a cute hoodie hanging over her low shoulder. The skirt of the dress barely touched the ground, giving a glimpse of the red bottom, Christian Louboutin Impera Limited edition.

Her hair braided in the shape of 't', gives out the vibe of ancient dynasties. The hair coiled into a 't' line of the bun and the rest of the hair rested straight down to the shoulder, with Hanfu hairpin fixed. It exposed her neck accessorize a snake-like necklace with a dangling emerald. Paired with tiny emeralds on her ears. In the center of her forehead, a small gold flower was drawn to highlight the stunning colour of her olive eyes. 

The smokey gold with bold eyeliner surely goes well with her whole outfit. The light glossy lips highlight her natural pinkish lips.

Sebastian smiled while he seductively wrapped an arm around my waist. We walk together and pause a few times for a proper photo, together. 

"You surely steal the show," Sebastian whispers to my right ear. 

"Finally you arrive!" Oliver appears from the dance floor. He wears Gucci black lavender slim fit tuxedo with a matching bow tie, undone. "Since when did you know to tie your own bowtie?" Oliver looked at Seb's bowtie. 

"I don't. She did," he points at me. I was busy looking down on my feet as its hurting my damn toes.

"Wow! Who is she? She goes to our school?"  I was too occupied with the pain on my toes, I barely see Oliver standing by my side.  I walked past Oliver, leaving traces of my scent together with the trail of my hanfu.

I sat alone at the corner of the table as I hates to socialize with the other kids. I heard the hisses and snarks of the other girls while I was in the restroom a few minutes ago.  They say that I'm a gold digger and outsider shouldn't be allowed to join the event. I miss Lily.

They are announcing the winner for the best dress. I was about to take a bite of the cookies I sneak inside my purse, a bright spotlight position over me. Dammit.. Mom surely goes overboard with the outfit. I made 'cut-it-off' hand gesture. "Please come to the stage to claim your gift card."

Forcefully, I stood up and made my way to the stage. I accept the gift card and rush down the stage. I skipped a step and found myself being pulled by gravity. I closed my eyes as my face was about to hit the ground! Someone caught my wrist and pulled me close, against his well-built chest. I stumbled again as I was trying to stand up. I tilted my head to see my savior, it's your father, OLIVER MOY. Our eyes locked, I feel like the whole room was in silence for a minute. I gaze away to snap back into reality. I quickly move away from Oliver without thanking him. I can hear my heart beating loud and face as if I just finished a 10km run. That's how I officially met him.

I did run into him in the hallway sometimes. I lined up behind him in the cafe once. Yet, I never really meet  Oliver while he's facing me.

Dear, by that time I was dating his brother. (Mom, do things get twisted since then?) I did but I'll get there if you want to know what happens next. I already told you how I met your father. Well, he didn't know who I am as a person, he saw me as the girl who dated his brother. (Did he ever love you?) Yes, he did. That's how we have you! You're the symbol of our love. (What happened, Mom? Do you both not love each other anymore?) Hurm...it's complicated now.  If you want to understand, I'll continue to tell you the rest of the story. (Yes, please!)

Sebastian managed to find me catching breath outside.

"Can we go now?" I begged Sebastian.

"I can't go now. They need me for Oliver's birthday cake ceremony. Besides, we still have to attend the after-party at my house!" Sebastian shines as he smiles in delight. I know this event meant a lot to him too.

"But, my foot is killing me.. I could barely walk properly in these heels." I remove my shoes, showing him my toes that have been crying in despair since we came. 

"Worry not! I have it all prepared. What size do you wear? 6?"

"yes. What do you mean as 'prepared'?"

"Steve, can you please bring size 6 to the main entrance," Sebastian called up his loyal driver.

The limousine appears Steve rushes out with a pair of flat sandals.

"I know this will come in handy. I'm not sure what size you wear so I bought 3 different sizes before I picked you up. I noticed how you never wear heels even at school. I just have a feeling that tonight you might wear those (points at my heels) as you did mention your mom prepared everything.

Steve, please keep these lovely pairs inside the car. (my heels)

Lady Von Blues, your comfortable sandals awaits." Sebastian bends down, removes my heels and puts on the sandals. "There you go, my lady," he says while glaring at me. In slow motion, he raises his head without breaking eye contact. My heart took another 5km trip around the non-existent field. He buries his face between my chest," Your heart is racing." Grinning devilishly, Sebastian locks his lips onto mine. 

As things are about to get intense, someone appears from the inside, "Sebastian! Oliver is searching for you. It's time for the cake! Oh, er, I'm sorry."

Dreadfully, Sebastian pulls away and lets out a groan of disappointment. "We'll continue later." 

I was utterly dumbfounded by how my body reacts to Sebastian's touch. I could feel a rush of adrenaline through my arteries and veins. I could literally run a marathon. 

He walks back inside and disappears into the crowd.     

Both of them make me nervous. I hope I wouldn't be caught up between those two.

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The text bold are ideas from my fellow friend, ns__mf !! Shes so helpful in describing some scenes that I was unable to think of. That's why its totally different from the others. Most of the descriptions is also inspired by references in Wattpad and AO4

Outfit ideas;

Beth's

Oliver's

 Warning: Strong language and sexual content. 🔞 

I was still discovering the world of dating. Lily and I decided to go on a double date. Basically Lily is going on a blind date. Wednesday night, bowling alley. Both of us pick that place as we are bowling pros. We want to trash our dates. Bowling alley was the last place any rich kids in our school would go to. They don't have any special services for the 'VIP'. Everyone is equal here. This would be interesting! 

That's what I thought at first.

The night before our date, I had one of the strangest dreams. In that dream-

I saw a tall figure, well built, seems familiar. He moves close to me, softly kiss my forehead, made his way to my lips. It feels so real, I could feel his tongue deepen, taking my tongue in his mouth while he stole my breath away. As he moves away, I start to see his face clearer. He smirks as he wipes off some saliva from my lower lip with his thumb. Fak! It's Sebastian!

I woke up, my heart is racing! I pinched myself, OUCH, yupe, I'm awake now. 

That dream messed up with my head the whole day. I couldn't tell Lily about it because Lily is nervous to meet her blind date. I told her that it must be one of the pretty boys. That just made it worst.

Lily made effort to dress up, she even wore contact lenses. Sebastian better not mess up with this date.

Bowling Alley

Lily and I arrived a bit earlier than promised so that we can reserve the booth. There's only one booth that's big enough for four people to fit in. A few minutes after that, Sebastian arrived with someone with him. 

L: Can you see him? Is he good looking?

B: Why can't you see him?

L: I'm too nervous to look!!

B: He looks nice, take a glance. 

L: Wait, is that...Oliver?

B: I don't think so. I'll know if its him by his figure. Oliver is kinda hard to be missed. 

L: Are you sure?

B: Super!

Sebastian walks nearer..

B: Oh God, someone who looks like Oliver... His eyes and jawline are not Oliver's.

L: Wow, you're right!

B: Here they come, ACT NORMAL!

Sebastian and this guy came and sat across us.

S: Hi guys! Sorry, we run a bit late. This is Franky, my cousin who's visiting.

F: Hello! *British accent* Nice to meet both of you, ladies.

B: Franky, this is Lily. (Lily, close your mouth! psssst)

L: Oh! Hey! I'm Lily!

B: So sorry Franky, she's a bit energetic. That's why she's being loud! 

F: She's better than how Sebastian describes her.

L: Oh...wow...you're sooo- (I had to elbow Lily to stop her from saying anything she'll regret later). OUCH!

B: Shall we order?

S: We'll have whatever you girls have.

B: I'll call Mary. MARY! 4 cheeseburgers and large fries! Also, 4 diet cokes!!

Mary just raises her hand as an indication she had taken note of our order.

F: Are you sure you want cheeseburger?

B: We are STARVING! It's the best cheeseburger in town. 

L: Beth, maybe we should order something like salad?

B: Why? We both eat cheeseburgers here all the time.

L: She's just joking, Franky! You're so funny Beth!! *slaps my back

B: Gentlemen, could you please excuse us? We're going to the loo.

In the toilet

B: What the hell Lily?

L: I just want to impress Franky.

B: By becoming someone else? We both love cheeseburgers!

L: I do! But, I also would like to Franky to stay around for a bit.

B: Lily, we don't change for men. You barely eat any greens! You hated salad in the first place!

L: I KNOW! But, it doesn't mean I need to chew it. I'll just swallow it.

B: You know what, you can do however you like. I'm gonna stay out of it. 

L: Thank you.

I gave Lily my sharpest glare. 

We walked back to our booth. Our food had arrived.

B: I guess we need to send this food back, Lily decides on those 'salad'..

F: It's fine! I can have my cheat day today. I had always hated salad.

S: You heard the man, let's eat.

Lily and I exchange such confused looks. Did something happen while we're gone? 

Instead of asking more questions, we just eat in peace. No one speaks until-

S: Beth, you have some ketchup on your cheek.

*Beth wipes the right side of her cheek

S: No no, lemme 

*Sebastian wiped the left side of Beth's cheek with his thumb. Instead of wiping it off on a napkin, he licks the thumb and chuckles. 

S: That's better. 

*Everyone froze. I blushed so hard, I think my ears turn crimson. I remembered the dream I had last night. I stood up abruptly and rush to the toilet.*

(Beth! GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF!! It took like 5 minutes of inhaling and exhaling to calm down.)

I came back.

B: Nature call. Sorry. So Sebastian, do you play bowling?

S: Yes I do! In fact, I played last week with the boys.

F: I don't. We don't have a bowling alley near my school.

L: I can teach you.

F: You're very generous! Lily, tell me more about you.

B: Both of you have a nice chat, Sebastian and I will go reserve our lane and pick the shoes. What size do you wear Franky?

F: Any size Sebastian wears. Are you sure they clean the shoes beforehand?

B: They don't.

F: Excuse me??

S: Let's go Beth! *Sebastian pulls my arm. 

We booked Lane 6 and grabbed a few shoes.

S: I'm sorry if Franky being weird. He always thinks he's above some people. 

B: I can see that. Did you say something to Franky about the cheeseburgers?

S: Is it that obvious? haha.. I did. I told him if he's being a pain in the ass, I'll leave him here. 

B: pffft! hahahaha! I thought you would bring along one of your friends.

S: Most of them are busy with ... erm ... I'm not sure. I never ask.

B: If Franky becomes a jerk to Lily, I'll take him out myself.

S: He could be worst.

B: Are you serious? You picked someone worst for my best friend? Are you joking??

S: I'm-

Suddenly Lily came to us.

L: Sebastian! Thank you for bringing Franky!! He's fantastic!! *I can see Lily is really happy\

S: Oh, no problem.

Then, Franky appeared next to Lily.

F: It turns out we both have more in common! We're gonna ditch bowling, Lily's gonna show me around this town.

B: Are you sure Lily?

L: I'll text you once I'm home. See you tomorrow Beth.

B: Okay, be careful. I mean it! Franky, you better be good.

They left.

B: I guess just the two of us are going to play bowling.

S: I can't believe he ditch me.

B: If Lily got hurt by Franky, you better watch out.

S: I will be fine. I think maybe Lily will break his heart instead. 

B: Well, if that happens, I'm fine with that. 

By the way, I'm very competitive. You better bring your A-game.

S: Don't underestimate me. haha

We play for three games before our hands got tired. I scored a bit higher than Sebastian.

"I won!!" *I did the winning dance*

'Hahahahaha! I'll get you next time. Let's grab ice cream before heading home. On me!'

"Lead the wayyyy."

Basket Robin

B: I'll have that *points at Love potion*

S: I'll have that one *points at Chocolate*

While enjoying our dessert we talk.

S: Are you going to the dance this weekend?

B: No one asked me. I don't have any dress.

S: Do ... you... er... want to go with... me?

B: *stops sipping, looks at Sebastian

Are you asking me to be your date?

S: I am.

B: I'll think about it. 

S: Oh. 

B: Sebastian, if we go together, people will think we're seeing each other.

S: I want that. I don't care what people think, I want YOU.

B: *bites her lips.* 

Why do you want me so bad? There're other girls, prettier, sexier, curvier.. I can't compete with those. I don't even want to be popular. 

S: You are not, them. You have your own opinions, belief and you're genuine. 

B: Tell me, Sebastian, why should I say yes?

S: I can't. I'm not forcing you to say yes. All I can do is hope you change your mind and say yes. I'll be the luckiest guy to be your date! I know trust can't be built in one or two dates. I would like to build it with you no matter how long it takes. 

B: Sebastian, do you know how stubborn you are right now?

S: I learn from the best. *he points his finger at me* 

B: I'll think about it. 

S: I'll hold on to your maybe.

We made our way out of Baskit Robin. Out of the corner of my eye, I'd catch him watching, but when I'd turn, he'd make a quick getaway.

B: You can leave now. I'll get a cab back to school.

S: Let me send you back. It's the least a date should do. 

B: Such a gentleman but it's fine. I'm an independent woman, I can get things done myself. 

S: I insist. Steve will be here any minute.

I gave Sebastian a stern glare. 

B: Fine.. 

S: Good, he's here. *waving at a Mercedes driving through the parking lot.

Steve parks on the side road, Sebastian opens the car door and lets me in. "Ladies first."

We barely speaks during the way back as I was occupied with my phone. I need to make sure Lily is okay. She doesn't reply to any of my texts and even ignores all my calls. To keep my mind at ease, "Lily is probably having the time of her life. I would be distracting her." I mumbled by myself. I had totally forgotten that Sebastian is watching me. 

"Are you okay? I can call Franky to check on Lily," Sebastian expresses his concern. 

"Please," I say while still tapping on my phone. I just need to know that she's safe.

Sebastian begins to dial a number on his cell. 

"Hello, Franky! Is Lily with you? Oh, oh..OH..so sorry to disturb you. Thanks, bye," he immediately ends the call and made 'I-am-shocked' expression. 

"So? Is she okay?" 

"She's fine! They're getting busy. You can breath now."

I let out a huge sigh of relief. 

"We're here" Steve declares as we arrived near the hostel.

I stepped out of the car. I looked back to express my gratitude to both of them, Sebastian reach out to pull my waist closer to him. He kissed me. I gave in. He realize that I had completely wrapped my hands around his neck. He didn't let any moment for me to hesitate and pressed his lips down to mine. His soft suction and his tongue sliding against my bottom lips made my heart racing. 

I pull away from him to catch a breath. Sebastian press his forehead against mine, "Be my girl."

Reluctantly I say,"Yes." He moves closer to kiss my right ear as it's burning and whispers something.  I couldn't focus on his words because of the tender way his hands were on my cheeks. I buried my face into his chest to hide my flaming red face. He smells nice. Sebastian chuckles

I pushed his concrete chest away from my face. "You can go now," I asked him to leave as I started walking away. He waves back before he slides back into the car. 

That's how I started dating Sebastian, officially.

It took me awhile to snap out from my daydreaming and back to reality. I just agreed to be Sebastian's girlfriend which means he's my date to the dance. Shit! I was so sure that no one would ask me to the dance, I didn't find any dress for the occasion. I'm not even sure what's the theme of my very first winter dance. I have less than 3 days to find the perfect outfit with matching shoes and accessories. 

I knew that the only person who would help me would be ... my MOM..

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Btw all of the images are either from his official Instagram account or i googled it. Mostly google 😂

How do you guys enjoy reading it? I'm dying to write the next part tho.

I insert some descriptions on the intimate scene. Thanks to my friends who recommended such great and simple references.

Hope you're excited about what's next!! 

 As you know, I agreed on a date, unintentionally. I wanted to bail but I'm not a bad person. Lily told me that I shouldn't decline free food. I quote, "You never been on a date before, take this as an experience. Just go for it! What could possibly go wrong? "

She's right. 

That Friday, I went out with Seb. He picked me up at the hostel entrance with a limousine as I had requested. It was awkward because I wore a casual t-shirt with cute boot pairing to it while Seb was all suited up! Not to mention everyone was looking. 

B: Oh, I thought-

S: It's fine! We can go somewhere, casual.

B: This is a bad idea.. I just wanna go. Driver, can you please stop here.

Driver: Sure miss.

S: No Steve, just drive. Hey, it's my fault okay. I never told you the dress code before coming here. I'm okay with however you decided to wear.

B: Sebastian, *pause and took a deep breath* what are you doing? I'm not your type. I've seen you date other girls. This school is much more smaller than you think. People talk. I know that you just broke up with Layla just a few days before you asked me out. I'm not some kind of rebound girl. 

S: Beth, please. 

The reason I broke up with Layla was because I know that I want to be with you. I was with Layla before I met you. I wanted to end things much sooner but she kinda knew about it. She would come up with multiple excuses to ask me to hold it off. We put up an act because she wanted to ensure her fame stays. I know this may sound lame but trust me. 

B: *speechless*

I still can't date you. 

S: Why? Are you seeing someone else?

B: No but I-

S: Give me a chance. Just one date. If you decide that I'm just a creepy guy or make you uncomfortable, you can bail on me after that. 

B: (remembers how Lily say as a new experience) *let out a huge exhale* Well, what the hell. One date! Let's go creepy guy!

I tried to tell Sebastian that I like his brother. I can't really say it now, if things don't work out, he would know one of my biggest secrets. Worst, he would tell Oliver about it.

We went to the restaurant that Seb had made reservations. It was fancy as fak. I'm so not dress up for this place.

B: Hurm...are you sure they would allow me to enter this place wearing like this?

S: Don't worry, my dad owns this place. They could never say no to me. 

B: You should have at least told me what I should wear. I wish you would magically have a spare dress somehow in this car.

S: I know this will sound so clazy but, I do. It was Layla's, well, I bought it with my money so it was mine but, I don't want to make it sound more complicated. I have a set of dress and even heels to pair with it. If, if you want it.

B: I don't! But, urgh, I don't want more shits coming from my mom. Give me that! You get out! You too Steve!

S: You heard the lady. *both of them got out*

*Beth changes in the car. She even wipe off her eyeliner and put on a decent amount of lipstick. She then came out of the car.*

S: WOW, you look.. amazing!

B: It's the dress. Let's just go in and eat. I'm not having more lectures from my mom about the way I dress.

Your Grandma always has people she paid to look over me especially in public places. I'm pretty sure we were followed that night. No matter how many times I told her to stop, she never do. At least she promises to stay away as long as I'm not in danger. Annoyingly, she would nag about how I dress up in public. Claiming how I brought shame to our family's name, the Von Blues. 

Just like any other fancy restaurant, we were welcomed with hot towels and immediately escorted to our romantic dinner table. 

S: Tell me, what do you mean when you said you don't want any lectures from your mom?

B: My mom is overprotective. I'm pretty sure we had been followed tonight. She would hire people to report back to her. She always nags about how I dress up in public. *Beth mimics her mom's word* "Don't bring shame to the Von Blues with your dark eyeliner and jeans with holes." 

S: Are you telling me you're a Von Blues ? I thought they were joking about having Von Blues in the school.. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to offence-

B: Stop. That's why I used my mom's maiden name here.. I don't need people to see me differently. You can't go around telling people about me! Or, I'll ask my mom's spy to cut off your balls. I mean it.. I can do it myself but-

S: I get it. *laughs* You're kinda funny with that threat even if it's true.

B: *raise her left eyebrow* It is true. I mean each word. 

S: I guess it's an honor to date royal blood.

B: My blood is just as red as yours. Can we talk about something else?

S: Yeah, sorry. *pause*

You heard about the winner of the singing competition?

B: Of course, she sings like an angel. Jennifer deserves to win.

S: Nahh, your voice is much better than Jennifer's. You could have won the date with Oliver.

B: I did, but the different brother.

S: Tell me, do you genuinely like Oliver?

B: I think he's hot. I guess not hot enough to a point I needed to prove myself worthy to be his date. 

I want the person I like to like me back as he gets to know me. I may be an option among other girls but I want to be chosen for being me. I don't have to go the extra mile just to prove I deserve the throne. 

I can find other hot guys to be a crush on.

S: I would love to be the next 'hot guy'. 

B: We'll see about that. Can you do backflip?

S: Sure, once I learn how to do it.

B:*laughs

S: I may be less hot than Oliver but I'm definitely funnier.

B: In your dreams. *still smiling

S: I made you smile, didn't I? 

B: You're just lucky that I'm in good mood. Now, can you please let me finish this? 

S: I can cook. I'll cook for you next time.

B: I love sushi. 

S: I'll make sushi ;) Any allergies?

B: Nuts and sometimes prawns but I usually just eat them anyways. I love prawns.

S: Till death do us apart, you may kiss the prawn.

B: Nice try *unexpectedly smile*

After dinner, 

S: Where to next?

B: Surprise me! 

S: Steve, the location I told you about yesterday.

Steve: Buckle up. 

After about 20 minutes of drive, we are out of town.

S: I'm not sure if you're a fan of the stars. Tonight there will be a meteor shower. It will start *looks at his watch* any minute from now. 

B: I love stargazing! 

Sebastian lay out a blanket on the grass. We sat there while waiting for the meteor shower. He slowly takes off his blazer and puts it on me. "You must be freezing." I'm glad he didn't notice how red my face looks by the time he place his blazer on me. As the meteor shower begins, I was too occupied to see how close Sebastian was. I noticed how hazel his eyes look, he also smells nice. He realizes that I am looking at him, we locked eyes. 

Sebastian gentle lean on for a kiss and I did the same. We kissed! My first kiss. As our lips touch, i feel shivers on my spine and all my hair stand up. He tasted like strawberry. It must be from the strawberry ice-cream we had for dessert. My head was spinning for a split second as his tongue begins a quest to find mine. Naturally, my hands reach the back of his head. Sebastian begins to stand up which cause me to stand on tiptoes as he was at least a foot taller than me. Instead of bending down, Sebastian carried me back into the car. I screamed a bit as I was shocked. "You're definitely hotter than Oliver now!"

He wanted to unzip my dress but I stopped him. 

B: No. 

S: I'm sorry.

I stopped immediately. I move away from him.

B: Steve, school, please.

Steve: Right away, miss. 

B: Sebastian, can you seat in the front seat with Steve. I need to change.

S: Yes, sure. 

Hostel

*Sebastian went out to open the door for Beth but Beth already walked out of the car. Seb chases after Beth.*

S: Beth, wait! *Beth stops and turns around*

B: It was such a lovely dinner. Thank you. *she starts walking again

S: I'm sorry. I screwed up. Please, give me one more chance. 

B: I'm not sure what do you expect from me when I agreed to continue with the date. I'm sure sex is on the list now. 

S: I don't! It just...happens. I'm sorry I have no self-control. I-

B: Let me stop you there before you say more shits that will make it worst.

For you, this is just another date with some chick but, it means a lot for me. 

This is my first date.

That was my *touch her lips*..first kiss..

I can't just give my virginity away over too in one night. 

S: I'm not aware that-

B: I need to go. 

Beth walks away.

Honey, that was indeed my first date and how I had my first kiss the same night.

I told Lily all about the date. 

L: You should cut some slack on that poor guy. I mean, he has never been with someone as refreshing as you. Most of the girls he dated were divas and obviously sluts. 

B: That does not mean he can get into my pants on the first date. He's a jerk.

L: Have you heard about Jennifer?

B: What about Jennifer?? Is she so special? Even Sebastian mentioned her name. Who mentions another girl's name when you're with someone else?

L: Beth, stop being such a pain in the ass. That's not the point. I heard she got dumb by Oliver. It was such a huge scene. Oliver found out she lied about her birthday and she can't even draw properly. We all know no one can sketch as good as you. 

B: Good for Oliver but he can never found out about me. I just went out with his brother for God's sake!

L: I'm just saying that Oliver is back in the market. Maybe your cute notes can start again.

B: I don't think that's a good idea. 

Monday 

I saw Sebastian in the first period. He sits beside that time. We can't really talk in class so he wrote me a note.

"Sorry for being a jerk. Let me owned up to my mistake."

'NO'

"I got you sushi today" Then he handed me over what seems to be a lunch box.

"I made it myself"

'STILL A NO'

"Please. Just one bite. If you hate it, I promise you, I'll get out from your sight.'

*rings* he just left the lunchbox and got out. Urgh.. I hate men. 

During lunch hour, I tried the sushi. It tastes like sushi. Not the best sushi but decent. 

L: Just give that pal another chance. 

B: We need someone to take you out so that you'll stop busting my ass about Sebastian.

L: No one will.

B: I have a good idea. If Sebastian manages to get you a date then I'll go out with him again. 

L: Why are you involving me in your mess?

B: Lily, just embrace the new experience. There, SENT! I already told Sebastian it. I said I'll go out with him again you go out with me too. He needs to find a date for you.

L: I guess, there's no taking back.

B: Deep down you're glad am I right? hahahaha

L: Shut up!