Adulting phase 1

 I should start preparing to sleep by now, its freaking 10pm. Yeah, I'm at the age where sleeping at 10pm is crucial but today, I'll give myself a break. I've been pilling up too much. I need to release some of those thoughts in the air. 

I'm kinda mad. I have 3 grown ass siblings but non of them actually sit down and have the 'reality check' conversation with me. Non of them told me how hard it is once you need to be the adult. The decisions you need to make. The 'i-need-to-figure-yourself' phase. All they ever told me, you just wait when it's your turn. Yeah now I have, what's next?

No one really tells you what's next. No one really wants to have the conversations like it's worthless or something. 

It's probably the caffein's talking because my shitty ass just decided to drink nescafe at night as I felt so lethargic all day long. Now I'm too pumped and probably will be hard to sleep. 

Growing up sucks. I wish someone makes a pill to ease the pain of adulting. 

Not only the fact I barely make any friends (like a lunch buddy) after almost a month here, everyday driving there also feels like shit. Its actually not bad but when you have nothing to look forward, it feels numb. 

I drive 30 minutes and feel like this, I can't imagine my dad who used to drive for almost 2 hours, there was a time, more than 2 hours to get to work. Omg..

I guess, at least it makes you appreciate what your parents ever did for you. Also the fact you understand the value of each penny. 

This may sound selfish but some part of me wish I just stayed at home and do nothing. Just live off my parents' money. I guess when you barely have time for anything else, you see 'doing nothing' as a luxury. Imagine waking up at 6, get ready by 7, work from 8 till 5pm, arrived home exhausted from working at a bit before 6pm. Then, eat, pray and rest, sleep at 10pm. Out of all the waking up hours, you only spend like less than 5 hours of not worrying too much. Yet, you still worry about tomorrow, lol

I know, reading those already make you feel dreadful.

Mindset is really important. Besides making yourself extremely busy to make the time (at work) go faster. 

Im sorry if the first phase of adulting sounds full of crap but each word is true. For me. 

Thanks for reading.