Assalamualaykum, Alhamdulillah

So,



It is not something fun. Honestly it is a damn big thing in my life. Love life. Whenever it comes to love, it's never easy. You get me, right?



Well, i had been thinking. A lot of thinking since we made it official.



I want to be happy. I do. And i want you to be happy too.

It's never fun to be broken.

So hear what i had decided.

Dear, TYFF

For the pass days i had been unhappy with us. I was mad and sad. And you seems to make it worst. It's never fun to be upset while being with you. I became so confused.

I watched my favorite show. HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER. Because i missed them so much. Just like how much i missed our happiness. It had 9 seasons. I literally grew up with that show. I had watched it since I was a kid.

Well, its about Ted telling his children how he met his wife. It's a very damn long story. He met Robin. That was the first episode in the first season. Then there are a lot of conflicts and whatever. In the end, the last episode of the last episode, he decided to marry Robin. It got me thinking.

Once you met someone that means the world to you, no matter how many wrong people you meet, you were about to marry, you felt for, but in the end you will still end up with that particular first person that means the world to you. Even if it took years for you to actually end up with that first person.

So, hear me out.

I am not going anywhere. I will not waste my time to find someone else. I am just here. Standing and waiting for you. I might be the first person you met. I might be like Robin.

What I am asking right now, can you wait?

I love all of our time. Being with you is a bless but right now its just not right. I do love you but there is a bigger love that i have to achieve before loving you for real. I have to get myself ready to be a good and great girl for you. Improve myself.

When I met you, i was in the phase of being better. When you came along, I stopped. I was scared that people said I am being hypocrite. As i looked back, meeting you is not a mistake as all. If it is something wrong and you are not meant to be in my life, you had left me because I am the kinda person that never push anyone aside but people walked away from my life because they want to. So, meeting you is something special. You are meant to be with me but you have to wait.

You may hang out with the wrong chick but eventually you will end up with me. If you want to.

You know how to find me.



I just love this quote.



I have a path that I have to walk through. But I have to walk it alone. I can't always hang out with you. I can't always remind you of our love. But what I can do, be with you forever when you marry me.

As we married, we can do everything and anything what we will be missing now. Nothing is forbidden. You can have my everything. Anything.

All I asking is, wait. Can you?

I am not ending anything but I am slowing down it. It's like a pause button. We can still continue later.

But you are free to walk away from my life. I will never force you to stay.

Once you enter someone else's life, please, never enter mine again. That's all.

Well, HELLO EVERYONE MY NAME IS TYLER OAKLEY!

Guess what, today I am going to talk about him! He is not famous in my country but still, I KNOW HIM. LOVE HIM TOO!! He is so inspiring. Seriously!

I am not here to support LGBT or what so ever I am here to support someone who live their DREAMS!

He is the very damn popular YOUTUBER! And... I JUST LOVE HIM.

Here is his history of life. You can check him in youtube. Just click, Tyler oakley in the search engine and the rest, is HIM!

https://youtu.be/IsQ75Qdq5fU

Why do you have to love him? Why do you need to support him?

Let me tell you, i found out about him from TeensReact (Fine Brothers Entertainment). He is one of the YouTuber who do the react stuffs. I waqs so curious about him because he seems fun! Soooooo energetic! Like, seriously!

He always post fun videos of him doing fun stuffs. It good for people who need to laugh and smile. Seriously, you will fall for him.

He is super nice! He do charities and he appreciates his fans! He made the slumber parties to spend time with his fans!



Honestly, you can just Googled his name if you want to know EVERYTHING about him. He is literally everywhere except Asian.

I was hoping to find his BINGE soon but unfortunately, he is not known in MALAYSIA! WHY!!!!!! Well, that is what Internet is about, shop it online.

Once you watched his channel, you would crave for more! Trust me~

I know some people in my own country hate gay people because they say gay people is wrong and they should be ashamed of themselves. Even in my religion, we don't prefer gay or LGBT stuff but, haaa there is a but. But that does not mean you must oppress them. They are still human but they are slightly not in the same road as us.

I see many celebrities who are very proud to announce that they are gay or whatever.

What I am trying to say, we need to look at the good side of the people. Why we have to waste our time making fun of them when actually even we realize that they are better than us. For an example, i bet Tyler Oakley made a lotttt of greens along the way to achieve his fame! He never let words let him down.

Even it was hard for his father to accept his, interest but eventually his father came and support him in his live movie Snevous.

https://youtu.be/uJJP5AfCTX8

He is the MOST SUCCESSFUL YOUTUBER EVER. He is just so legend!

I do support Malaysian's YouTubers like Matlutfi, Tarbiah Sentap, Maria Elena and etc. It is because they wanted to make the society a better place.

In the meantime, tyler show me something else.

A good in a person. I know that most people prefer to see the dark side of everyone. That is the problem.

He inspires me to have fun in life. You only live once to make the most of it.

Tyler graduated with degree. He just think being a full time YouTuber is his passion. Because that is what he loves to do so much.

Yeah, he taught me lo live my dream. Look at him now! He had his own book.



His own movie.



His cute cute friends, especially Troye Sivan!



They look cute as couple. I can't help it! *blushing*

He made the most in his life. We can make it too!

Well, i want to have my own charity. I want to write a book. I want to travel the world too!

Oh yeah, Tyler is just 26! OMG He is soooooo young yet he had achieve so much!

He is not the best student in his school. The most popular guy. He did not made the best of himself in his past but that does not mean he have to drag it to his future, right!

history does not show how someone is suppose to be, it is just a back story. A story that shape someone to create his own future.

Let me give some examples, Katy Perry never graduated her high school. She had been in a lot of trouble before her debut song, I kissed a girl. But she is a legend as she was the second person who had 5 of her songs on top like Micheal Jackson.

Taylor Swift wad not a popular girl back in high school. Her Fearless album was not her first. But she managed to create something new and now we never have enough of Taylor!

I can list more but let us get back to the topic shall we.

In conclusion, let us all show our love to Tyler Oakley!

p/s: maybe i will talk more about Troye Sivan in other post because he is also my favorite!

Assalamualaykum

I had wrote a simple story about how much a child had kept from her father.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey, my name is Sara. I had just finished my high school.

You know, my friends used to say how cool their dad is.

But i barely know my dad. I mean, he is always busy with work. He will be gone in the day and he come back after we had dinner. I barely even see him.

Yeah i have sisters and brothers. We will get there about them soon.

My dad? well.... let us go down the road a little.

My dad sent me to Convert of Majesty for girls only. A BOARDING school. I was 13 by then. I had no friends for about 2 weeks but thank God, my roommates started to talk to me. They understand how timid i was.

They were very good friends because they gave positive influences to me. They encourage me to study and have good grades. Joined the co-curriculum activities. I was the school's long distance runner and a soccer player. The captain actually! Even my couch asked me if i wanted to train the junior team as i graduated while i was not in any university yet. Well, i am considering the offer.

I was in the student counselor.

The juniors respect me. Teachers know me. I am not the most popular girl but I am famous for what i had contributed for school.

I did came back for Summer or any long school vacation like christmas. My mum would be the one who would be as happy as lark to see me. She would cooked my favorite dishes and we would gossip.

Meanwhile, as usual, my dad was always not there.

If he saw me, he would say, "Go study!" or " Finish your homework".

Thats him.

He never fetched me but i understand the distance. But if my other siblings want to come back, he would take a day off and drive for about 4 to 5 hours. Their universities are so far!

My dad never know about how good i perform at school. Sometime i felt like my teachers were proud of me more than my dad. My dad even asked me to quit soccer! By that time we made it to nationals. He said it distract me from my studies.

When i came back, there was no celebration. We even ate dinner separately because he came back late. But it my other siblings were at home, he would came back early and we had dinner at fancy restaurant that they love!

I did not realize that until one day, i was at home and it was my birthday... We did not had any party because most of my friends live away and my neighbors had small kids which ......... you get me. I mean, it was my sweet 16! I didn't want to celebrate it with kids! My dad, did not came back early. I blew my candles with my mum and my granny. Nice..

I tried my best to be positive. Every time i'm mad with my dad, i would remember all the nice things he had done even it was not much. His smiles that i barely see. His silly jokes that were not funny but we laughed because it was not funny. He would visits me some weekends. He would gave me some extra pocket money because he never want me to starve. His motivations before all of my examinations.

He is a nice person. But I am just not his favorite....

I made myself a conclusion.

Maybe he was working late because he wanted to make sure he can afford to pay my fees. I had friends that transfer because her parents couldn't afford to support her fee anymore...

I believe he has his own reasons to treat me like this.

Because he is a nice guy.

It is breaking my heart to see my dad argue with my other siblings. They seem to ignore the love my dad is giving. You know, i always show how much i appreciate them. I told them i love them and i say thank you most of the time.

My dad being cold does not mean i have to act cold too.

Once my sister argue with my dad over a boy. It is worth it to break a person who raise you for a person whom you only know for about 2 to 3 years?

They were so blind. They never realize that i am making myself a fake story to consult myself. When you were given gold, you wanted diamonds. When you were given nothing, even the rocks can make you happy.

I know that sometime, my dad do look at me while i was not looking at him. He did smile looking at my grades even he never congratulate me.

i just know. I have to be positive.

I know its hard but its even harder for me...

If you out there, open your eyes and keep on loving your parents.

They are human like us. The are not perfect but their love is beyond our imagination.

There are some people who had lost their parents. Some don't even know them. So, appreciate them while you can. You just have to.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thats all for today. Thank you so so so so much for reading until the end. I hope you get my message. Again. Thank you for reading!

Assalamualaykum peeps!

It had been a very long time since any news from me. I was busy with my SPM. Yeah people, i already END MY SENIOR YEARS!

So, here are some stories I want to share.

EX SEMESTIAN

Yupe, i am a semestian. Used to be. Sekolah Menengah Sains Teluk Intan, Perak, MALAYSIA.

It is a boarding school. I had been there for 5 years. 5 legendary years~

I was a prefect. A bitchy one. Haha!

Honestly, I never imagine my 5 years would be quite an adventure. I learned so much from so many people.

Pain. Betrayal. Love. Happiness. Just name it. I had felt it.

I realize that now i have to be independent. Make wiser decisions. Do the best for myself. Life just move on. This is just a small part of my life. There are more adventures awaits me.

TYFF

Well, let's just call him TY. He is one of the top student that i am seeing right now.

We have more differences than common things that we share.

He is my batch mate. Nice. Kind. Weirdo like me. Understanding.

We talked about the future but, we expect separation in spite of the distance. It is because both of us target different courses and university. We understand how busy both of us will be facing and the limitation of time to spend together.

He accepts my flaws. He said, we complete each other with our differences. I get it. I mean, that's what love effect you. You become different.

We never fight. We don't really argue.

Sometime i think, that can be a problem. Yesterday, he said something kinda harsh for me. I got scared. Like, really scared. It is the new part of him that i just knew. It got me thinking.

And....i started to doubt him. Is he really the one? Can i handle him?

Am i ready?

We both already agreed on one thing.. Which is, no high hope for future together.

We are still too young. Anything can happen.

I am too young to be attach to someone.

You know what, i need more thinking to do about him.

DRIVING LICENSE

I just register for it yesterday!!! Overall it cost RM900.

I know its very expensive so i am going to kill it!

Next time i will update about how it go.

Friendship

That is my long distance relationships. RELATIONSHIPS.

Most of my friends are away from me. TY live kinda nearby.

So social networks make it short distance.



In conclusion, life is moving to the next phase. I am going to the next chapter.

Wish me luck~

Today, after a very long silent, here i am! Assalamualaykum!

So, my English paper will be very very soooon! So i decided to post an essay or whatever you guys wanna look it as. Technically i really enjoy to write love stories. Usually with sad ending but this time i have something else in mind. I am going to write about US.

******



It had been about three to four weeks since the day we accidentally came back in the same bus. If I was not mistaken. How are you feeling about it? Annoying? Heartless? Let us just be honest and admit it. I am feeling great and trilled about it. We can never thought that one day we would somehow be as close as we are right now. I am shocked about it too. Well, let's review some moments.

The first time I saw you, i felt annoying. You were the new kid who suddenly became now of the top student. You were invincible as I never realise how amazing you actually are. We never talked. We did not even had anything to deal with each other. The only thing I knew about you was how thin and genius you were and still thin and freaking genius.

I did realised that sometime we took the same bus but it never occurred to me that actually you live nearby.

After sometime, it just happen. You and me.

We had a fantastic conversation together and we started to be friends until now.

Honestly, I never thought that you would be so open about yourself to me. I did not even expect you would talked to me in the first place because we never talked before. I realise one thing for sure, "don't judge a book by its cover". You were so different!

No matter how prefect you imagined your prefect spouse would be, you will never get one but usually you would meet someone who have flaws but actually their flaws make both of you flawless. You are meant to complete each other. That what makes you guys perfect for each other. Me? I admit that both of us are very different in every angle that you see. Physically and interest. What make us still stick with each other, the way both of us try to make sense of each other.

" I know it is hard to be together but not being together is much worst"

His tristful voice that was so expensive and I can barely stop smiling as I heard it throughout my cell phone. I just wanted to keep your voice as my top tracks in my playlist. Your did not had any charms in your looks but it seems like I look something more than that. Who would ever thought your geek attitude drew my attention. Being yourself and just never change it, was enough.

The cling of your smile strikes my heart so hard that sometime I forgot how to breath. So dreamy and charming! You preferred to smile rather than laughter. You love the glimpse of my laugh. Knowing that was enough to make my day a wonderland! Nothing could make me blushed than your compliments. I wished it would last eternity.

I realise how much people talked about us. I could not help it but to apologise infinity times. I had made you visible to the society which was something you hate. It will end soon. Words could be deathly if you did not let it but it could be fatal if you let it. Be deaf and be positive. Sorry but I could not leave as your love was like nicotine and I am addicted to it.

*****

Ok thats enough of such an essay. Honestly i am dry here. I don't think i can continue it.

My writing can be very ambitious but full with grammatical errors and stuffs. I guess.

It is true? Maybe to maybe not. Whatever.

I need to polish my language and vocabulary badly.

Hope you guys enjoy. Thanks for reading till the end. Pray for me! #spmvictim #spmsoon #malaysian

Hey....

I don't know how to start this letter actually, but i will try.

Firstly, i want to wish, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY !!! Sweet seventeen! I am so so so so terrible sorry about the late wish. I tried to remember your birthday but i was so busy with other things. I know that you said its fine but I will try my best to make it up to you. I'll pray for your health, success in this life and after and happiness. :)

Ok. Let's cut to the chase. This letter will be long, so if you don't feel like reading it or whatever, feel free to tear it and burn it. Just let me know about it.

I've been longing to tell you these words, I admit that I am missing you. Honestly, I am not sure if I am missing the old you or just yourself, but I am sure that I am missing you. It is never easy for me to keep the feeling all along. I can't tell other people about it because it will make me look so sorry.

I am sorry. I tried to talk to you about what I had been keeping for awhile but every time we had any conversation, I don't see how to start it. My skill is writing, maybe by writing I can think about how to say it.

I remember how our story started, it was kinda hilarious. From a stranger to a friendship. Then things got complicated. I got jealous and misinterpret. Forgive my ladies' instinct. I always wanted to leave and disappear but you always have the right words to let me stay. Your patient your concern. Remember all those moments. I do remember it. The jealous, the silent, the the drama. I remember being so sick of us. How annoying i actually feel as you suddenly appeared as nothing had happen. Losing you was tragic but pushing you aside was suicide. I tried to make the most. Go along with your flow. Acting cool. Like nothing ever happen.

I used to tell your everything about me. Right now, i don't see how to be like that again. You always have the intense tone. You never tell me anything that happen to you. We used to share so much, but things changed. I get it.

Honestly, I don't remember how we used to have so much to talk about in a day. Now, our conversation seems short and limited. I can't talk to you if I don't have anything to talk about. I don't know how to be myself when I am around you. I am not saying that I act or pretend but, I just feel limited. Caught up.

I don't give a damn about your changes, from saint to satan but how we changed, that effect me.

Things changed drastically, I never realize how fast time flies. I used to keep myself busy to keep you out of my mind. FYI, time seems like slowing down every time we talk on the phone. That's how it used to be.

I am done with what so ever this is. I can't keep myself to stay.

No matter what people talked about you, no matter how much most of my friends asked me to ignore you, I am stepping back because I want to.

I am so so so sorry. I know we are nothing more than just friend. I am the one being over about about us. I prefer to be nothing. Not even your friend. You don't have to worry about me. If you feel like.

Your friend,
-anonymous-


How do you guys enjoy the short story? I guess I need to improve my writing. I should describe more. Anyway, thanks for reading.

Aiman Banna: Bakpo Ambo Atah Jalei Nih?: Faham tidak tajuk entri nih? Macam kelakar je, Macam hambar je, Macam tak faham je. Itu slang kelantan. Haha. Saya tiba-...

Well, is one of my favourite writer. So, enjoy it. Excuse his Malay~

Assalamualaykum, Alhamdulillah

I have the vision of this article yesterday. So, let's talk about simple. How do you define simple? Simple means, nothing complicated. Easy. How do you imagine your life being simple? A boring life. Seriously, a simple life needs to get off some limits. You life needs to have twist and turns in order to be more colourful and meaningful.

Is that what i want to talk about? Well, let me show you how simple an idea which leads a way to be complicated. Then, how simple you should be because being simple is the way you are.

How simple i am? I am simple in almost everything physically. I dressed up in a simple way. I look like a simple girl. For example, most of the girls love to wear various make ups. They will have many types of creams and eye shadows, bla bla bla. Me? Some face powder, eye liner and lip gloss. Sometime i don't even put on any make up. Just a plain face. Why? It is because i want to look as simple as i can. I don't need to put a lot of effort just to make a guy to compliment me. Or just to let the society to see how good you can dressed up. tbh, sometime i do put some effort to dress up. That only happen when I want to look like a proper person. A look that will make people realize that i am a seventeen years old teenager.

What i mean here, you don't have to put a lot of effort in 'looking good'. You can just be yourself. As simple as yourself. If you love make up, then go on. If you don't, then just don't force yourself just to be accepted into a group of people. It is not worth all of the effort. Don't fake yourself.

"I only show what you need to see." No matter how you try to gain people's interest, there will be people who is not satisfied with you. So, stop faking yourself for others. :)

Simple can get complicated. Really. It always occur when you want to choose something. Example, you want a yellow dress. Then, you see there are various styles of yellow dresses and different tone of yellow. It gets complicated. Am i right?

Usually we have simple plan but things just don't happen according to what you plan. Actually the twist happen for your own good. If it doesn't happen, i bet you will never learn anything new.

Me? I just want a simple relationship. Someone that promise me a future that he is really sure of. I mean, he meant every word he ever said to me, and all i have to do is be loyal with our vows. The thing is, love is never that simple. You got dumped, you had been cheated, you lost trust and so on. The chances of being break are a lot higher. I understand how some people used to say, without any rejections and arguments, you will never learn to appreciate and be considerate. It's true tho.

I failed in every relationship i had with guy. LOL
But i learned a lot. I learned to be more simple and relax. Never put any high hope. You can feel a bit sweetest but get really for a pile of pain. Love can never be simple even thought you try.



Here are some tips,



Conclusion, keep it simple. Just be yourself. Life is too short to fake it. Life is too short to regret what you never do. Feel like doing it, just do it!

InshaaAllah, with Allah's blessing, all of our decisions will be guided by Him. :)

Assalamualaykum Alhamdulillah

Well, i will be gone to school in a few more minutes. I had a lot in mind.

Currently i am listening to disturbing deep web stories. I knew about deep web this year. Well, i know that it contains dangerous stuffs. I just never thought it would be so horrified. Seriously! Have a peek on the stories in YouTube.

You will realize how dangerous technology can be. How cruel human can act and how much people ENJOY all the disgusting stuffs....

Killing for fun. Abusing kids. ETC ... honestly, why this kinda web have to exist in the first place...

Looking through times, i guess living in old days can be pretty safe. I know series killers and psychopaths exist but at least the cruel things are not showed to the world. Urgh... i hope i will never have to come across anything that is link to Deep Web.

Ok let's look at the other side on my story.

I just finished my trial examination. That nigh, i made a decision to do something stupid. That i regret about it till now. What was it about? Let's just say that i had confessed to a 14 years old junior. He is near to perfect. Sporty and cute. Since then, i was so shy to meet him. I mean, hello, i am in my senior years but i confessed to a boy. Like WHAT! He did not became my boy friend or what so ever, just, i told him to be like my brother. No biggie. Just between us. Pffft!

Next,
Yesterday i watched about Muslim in the West side of the world. What i can conclude. When they saw hijabis, they'll be like, "why do you where that? Do you born with that? Do you wear it at home? Don't you feel hot?" Citizens get pretty creative with their weird questions.

If you see a man hitting his wife, who is wearing a hijab and talking in Arabic language, what do you do? Well, AreWeFamouseNow had done an experiment about it. The conclusion was, no one cares. Except for one white guy who stood up for that lady. While if you see a man hitting his wife or any woman who is not wearing hijab and covers, most of the people will stood up for them. My question is...

What makes us different? We are ladies. Own appearance can be different but looking like everyone else can be deceiving. Islam came with differences, in the end of dunya, Islam will turn into different and rare again. That is what the Prophet please be peace upon him, said.

One more wrong perception to all sisters... Wearing Hijab is crucial and a must! You read the Quran, search for surah Nur. Study that surah. You will learn about many laws that Allah had present to us.

It is not about waiting for the right time and bla bla bla... People, death is a huge MYSTERY. You can't simple be so damn sure that in the next minute you are definitely, 100% will be alive. If you are still alive, Allah is giving you the opportunity to repent to Him.

I can blab about this for hours but it will not change you unless you change yourself. It is okay to start with a baby step.

Imam Syafie said, we will always face changes in our life. Nothing will be the same. Either we are moving forward or backwards. Going to the right road or not.

Change the topic. My personal life?

Urm...i am still not sure about any of it. Maybe next time.

My country?

Have you heard of Malaysia?

Look up through Google. Alhamdulillah today is our Independent Day! Happy 58 years old Malaysia. Further comments? Can be very sensitive... i am not expert in politic but i have a very wide point of view about nowadays' politic.

I just pray for the best and focus on my studies. Seriously... Politic issues can be very annoying... You don't have the power of speech in you. So....better stay silent and act deaf...

Last advice..

Dear readers, based on the Quran, if you ever feel sad, express everything to God (Allah). Then advise people to live a positive life. And always ALWAYS...husnozhon towards Allah. Good thoughts.

People who stay patient (sabr) is someone who is worth being congratulate by Allah.

Remember, dunya are only temporary. When you are willing to give something that you love very much to someone because they deserve a lot more, is a sign you are not loving dunya so much. :)

InshaaAllah together we make a change. Repent. Pray.

Ok thank you for reading till the end. Assalamualaykum.

yeah! check out Harris J. ;))

Assalamualaykum

Hey. How are you? It is good to know that you guys are feeling fine. Me? I am preparing my gear for an important examination. My trial exam is just around the corner. 10 August. Pray for me yaaa.

When you want to know the meaning of words, you look up in the dictionary, right? You google up. You LOOK for a definition. But, do you ever make your own definition based on what you feel or look or whatever, as long as it is not from any books or website.

How do you define happiness? Sadness? Friendship? Love?Compassion?

Everything is actually based on what you feel all along. Let me give you guys some of my definition.

Love, a feeling that make you care about someone or something no matter what they had done to you or what their history look like.

Friendship, a relationship with organisms no matter it is human or plant or animal, as long as it is a living thing that you can see talk touch and that organisms accepts you for all your flaws and never want you to change your true self.

Brave means, go ahead and never look back.

There are tons of definitions. For me, my own, YOUR OWN, definition matter the most. Why? It is because you are feeling it. The dictionary is just a bullshit to make everyone to be robot.

In this world, changing is normal. The weather change everyday. Sometime it is windy and sunny sometime it is sunny and dry. It is the nature. Human do change but there are things that are always there. Like, even though it is raining, the sun is still there. You see that now is day, but that does not mean the moon disappears. Your definitions, maybe you have different structure of sentences but the meaning is actually similar to other in many ways. Something that is same is ALWAYS there where it cannot be change. Nature proves it.

That 'something' is the IDENTITY. If you cannot accept that 'something' in someone, don't expect someone to give a damn about you.

Sometime, you just need someone to get your 'something' to make you care about them. At least they try to accept it. They may complaint but they never want you to change it.

How to know what is your 'something'? If you change it, you will be a whole new person. Example, i used to laugh everyday, suddenly one day i stop laughing, people will look at me as i had changed. I have weird attitudes that sometime annoyed people, when i stop being annoying, the person who cares, will asked me why.

People that care about you is the only person who realise your change. If that person you thought care about you but they want you to change your something, they are lying. I mean, they actually never care. All they care is themselves. They are the selfish ones.


The lesson of the day, be yourself. Don't let others tell you what you have to be. Changing is normal. You will change eventually. All you need is love towards yourself. Find your own identity. Be someone independent.

Ok, wish me luck. Forgive me if i said anything that offend you. Thank you for reading. Love you'll. xoxoxo

It is heart breaking to actually use the phase, 'used to'.

"we used to be friends"
"we used to be close"
"you used to be mine"
"i used to get good grades"

A positive statement that turns into negative statement.

That is when you realize the world is changing. People change. Nothing is always stay as how it used to be. Actually, you have grow up. You are in a brand new adventures. People come and go. Some of them love to reappear and makes you doubt about your future. You never want to regret and feel back the past pain.

Pain. You will learn to get used to it. One day you will be immune with any pain.

Me? Getting over my jealousy. Jealousy is the main problem in any relationship. Between friends family. Whatever relationship you got.

I have no rights to say to someone that he/she must stop being with that other person because i am jealous. That is just does not makes sense.

I got this friendship. It was broken because she was jealous between me and her other friend.

I was so hurt. I suffer a lot of pain over that case. I tried to make it right but she never accepts me.

Looking my other friends win her over all our arguments, that is so not fun. Can you imagine, most of my friends back her up.

Next....looking at the person i have a crush on .... close to one of my friend. I know that the three of us are classmate and everyone have their rights to be close to anyone. It is just, just an a damn feeling.

Well in that case, i feel like throwing all of my heart into a dustbin.

I will not ignore my friend over a boy. So i keep it to myself.

Pffft! I hate boy problems.

I keep on reminding myself that i deserve better. One day, when the time is right, that person will come. I will NOT fight for any boy right now.

Everyone is free to do what ever they want.

Some people will say, "Memang lah kita free nak buat apapun tapi penting apa nak kene jaga hati orang".

To someone like that, If you tend to care for EVERYONE'S FEELINGS, one day you will realize how less you love yourself because that EVERYONE don't give a damn about you damn feelings. Honestly! It is better to care for yourself even though people called you selfish. They don't feel your pain. You are suffering the pain BY YOURSELF.

Then they will say, "Kau seorang je yang takde sape nak kisah perasaan. Aku ada je"

One day, that person who 'act like they care', will leave you. As long as he or she is not married to you, the chances being left is always there. Even you marry, you still have the possibility to divorce.

I am not here to encourage break ups or whatever. But i am here to remind you guys that, people DO leave.

As they left, the phase "used to" will hunt you.

Assalamualaykum, Alhamdulillah

Hey~ Well, it has been a very long month and the fasting month is in the ending season. I am not glad about it, i felt sad because only in the end of it i realize that i had missed some part of me.

The part me that love to forgive, accept everything, love to cry Allah.... There are so many parts of me that changed a lot since most of my friends changed along side with it.

I used to feel that i have a huge crowd of supporters but now i realize, the only loyal supports are Allah and my family.

I feel like a wake up call.

Things that i never expect that i never expect to happen in my life, happened. Well.... it is not good experiences, of course.

I don't expect people to accept me or back me up or just, be there for me. I used to but, it breaks my heart.

Changing into a better person is not an easy and hard.

All you need to do is just sit in a dark room and breath. Then you will realize that the only thing that you actually have is, life.

Of course you have the choice either to move on or end it. Everything is up to you. Just for you too know, you no matter what do, everything Allah already planned for you.

Nothing is a coincidence.
You have a choice in living, make your decision wisely. You don't know the future does not mean you cannot plan one.

I have a lot of stories about betrayal and broken relationship between human but i choose to put it behind my head. Telling and bragging about it will not change anything.

Having haters in your life makes you more caution in your decisions. You will know who is actually true to your or being fake in your face.

Live an extraordinary life. Discover your uniqueness. You will never know how great you are if you keep on being norma

InshaaAllah we meet again.

Assalamualaykum

Today i am going to talk about a person named, Aimaan Banna. Have you heard of him? He wrote the Henshin book and inspire people about da'wah and tarbiyah.

How to find him? Here:
- ig: Aimaan Banna
- fb:https://www.facebook.com/aimaan.banna
- ask.fm: @encikkopiah
- tw: @aimaanbanna
and the latest
- youtube: aimaanbanna

How do i know him?
www.aimaanbanna.com

Here we go.

A little bit information about his profile.
His age is around 20s.
He used to study in KISAS.
He is married.

Thats all i know.

Of course me is a writer, blogger, and so on.

I had been following his updates since a couple years i think. I never saw his face until early this year so that means i follow his updates because he is inspiring and not because he is handsome or whatever. He is not a celebrity but i know he have a club fans.

I don't have much to say about him. If you read his book, he wrote about changing. Be better. How to be better and he explained why there are things that we used to but it is actually a sin.

I can't further elaborate as my English is not that good. You will not feel it.

I hope Henshin will be publish in English one day because the world deserve the truth.

Moreover, Aimaan also collaborates with Tarbiyyah Sentap. Adnin Roslan.
Familiar with that name? You should.

Why do i introduce these people? It is because they inspire me to change. Changing is not about how much you change but it is about are you willing to change for the sake of Allah or for the sake of attention. If you change because of Allah, you see, you will not hesitate. You will try your best to be the best. Changing does not mean you are a saint but it means you are a better person. Sometime you fall back, be the old you but InshaaAllah you will wake up again and repent.

There are reasons why the Iblis does not want to prostrate to Adam A.S. and Allah allowed him to have followers (humans) that he can bring to Hell. But Allah promised, the Iblis can never take His obedience servants, the one that always repent, thankful, blame themselves for all the sins.

In this era, for a student like me, it is hard to go to Usrah and mosque because no one can drive me there. My family is not the type of mosque people and so on. So, in order to fill my soul with knowledge and awareness is to click.

TheMercifulServant. LoveAllah. Just watched YouTube channels that can inspire.

Be inspire. That is the key for Imaan.

If you just sit around and wait without any urgency. It is like, waiting for the moon to reply your songs.

Dude, time is running out. The end is just around the corner....

I am not saint. Far from that. Sometime i fall, sometime i raise, then again it repeat.

Stop finding reasons to NOT repent. No matter how much your sins, just repent. Even you don't feel like repenting, just repent. At first, you will not cry, but after sometime, you will cry in your sujud..

It takes time but it worth sending time for it.

InshaaAllah i hope to inspire. Wassalam.

Assalamualaykum

I am sorry that i cannot control my emotional. It had been a long time since any big shit that i faced.

Friendship sucks! Not all of it but.... it still a big problem. That is why i said, better to ignore and live you life like a normal person. Hide your sadness because it can never help you. It only help you to be stronger!

To have best friends are big blessing for me. They don't know i must i appreciate them. They have no idea about how much i thought about them. They just know nothing. Do i bother to tell them? The thing is, so they bother to know? Pffft. Whatever.

My friends are not my supporters anymore. I am glad to at least know about it. I don't know if it me the problem. Maybe i over react and stuff. Fine. That is why i prefer to stay silent. I observe their actions and so on. Try...keep on trying to be positive.

I have no problem with whoever they want to be friend of. They are free to do whatever they want. I never hold them back. But when it is not a good example then its a problem. We are people who people look and observe as leaders. But they do not take it seriously. Do you have to wait until someone who is a minor to go to you and remind you about being a leader. How do you react? You became mad like the other day.

I don't need to remind you of stupid stuff because you are old enough to know about it.

Before you tell people about how much you are sad about something or whatever... Please, be thankful for what you already have.

Loving friends.
Supportive friends.

Ingat tak kita pernah gaduh, FYI semua orang support kau. If you realize lah, aku yang kene minta maaf kat kau dulu. For the sake of pikah, aku sanggup rendah kan ego aku. Sekarang kau dengan pikah sama je.

Aku pernah back up orang sampai aku kene bash. In the end orang tu do me no good pun. Aku pernah dengar orang kutuk korang semua, aku diam dan tak join. Aku pernah nak back up korang, aku cakap benda baik je pasal korang. Ada korang tahu.

Almost everyday i heard you guys nagged about my class... Do i complaint about your class?

I had consider a lot of things.

But do you care? No, i just don't need that.

KOrang pernah ke sedar aku selalu sorang sorang. Pernah nak tanya? Pernah kisah?

*deep breath*

I know i am perfect.I am no one to tell you what to do. If you are not reading this, i don't mind. If you realize this, i don't mind too.

If you think you need me, i'll be there. But please, don't act like you care if you actually don't. I am not desperate.

Thanks but no thanks. Sincerity cannot be judge. So do I.

Assalamualaykum and Alhamdulillah

Praise Allah because of everything that he had grand us.

It has been quite sometime since any post and i know my blog is sooooooo childish and it does not symbolize like i am a 17 years old teen. Yeah people, i am 17 and proud of it.

It is not easy to be able to reach 17. I am lucky to grow in a country free from war.

You know, i had been through a lot of stuff lately.



Firstly, HK Bahas 42. Debate stuff. Well, it end well as we won grouping but we lose during octo. But still, its a good way to end my debate career. I dont think i will continue it in the next phrase of my life.

Then, 'perkampungan ilmu'. Hurm, it is like a study week where you will have class for 2 hours for each subject. One day we will learn 4 subjects.

Before all of that stuff happened, i had some friend conflicts as usual and all those stupid gossips that i had to deal in order to clean up some misunderstand about our prefect society. Whatever.

For what i can conclude from all the mess and what-so-ever that i had been through, i had a lot to comment which not all of them i remember.

*the weird thing about blogging is that you tend to have a lot of ideas as you are away from the keyboard than at the keyboard, typing*

Ehem ehem

I think, in order to live peacefully without any stress is, decrease your best friend.... It is just my opinion and i am not forcing anyone. But if your besties are in one group, like a gang of girls of boys, thats fine because you will spend time together right. But different best buddy that can't minggle, thats what i mean my many besties. it is because when you tend to have many besties, you have to deal with each of them. I mean, you have to spend time with them bla bla bla.... Some of them may understand some may not and conflict can easily happens.

Me? My so called besties now are just friend. I used to have 4 best buddies, A B C D. A is someone i used to hang as we are in the same dorm. B and C are my classmates. D is in other class but a prefect like me and A B C.

When i was in form 2 till 3, B and C are very close because we hanged out a lot. I am also very close to A in form 3 and 4. I went to her house once, and her family knew me. But as time flies, A, B and C were not as close as we used to be as we enter different classes. D and I became close because i sympathize her as most people hate her. B,D and me become close that cause C to get jealous.... Then the conflict started. D and C left, but me and B still okay. After sometime, B left and D get back.
This year, all of us entered the same dorm. At first, all of us were okay until one day, D made a conflict.
Then, i have been so close to E since form 4 but we don't hang out a lot but i do spend time with her sometime. In the same time, E is close to C.
Now, A,B and C are in a gang that dislike me and D. C got jealous of my friendship with E and E's relationship with her boyfriend.





So, conclude it all.... I prefer to walk alone and only spend time with D or E.

Now, i ignore what people think about me. Haters. Whatever, i push it aside.

Next story, aks....urgh....

Can i guy be rational with their life?! I have no intention to mess up with his personal life or whatever it is just that when it involve me..... Then it is a big mistake...

I don't care if anyone wants to be a player or whatever...

Having 'affair' with junior is nothing big but if you are an important person.... That is something big! People look up to you as a leader and a nice person... You should behave and try your best to improve yourself. It is not for the sake of yourself or people's perception but for the sake of your religion! Orang nampak kau macam alim dan baik, tak layan sangat perempuan tapi kau act oppositely. How is that helping? Yeah, everyone is not prefect, we have to correct ourself first before saying ,much bla bla bla...

You need to usderstand this, our Prophet Muhammad once said, listen to anyone's advice even if it is from a prostitute. Understand that first... You simple say, eleh, kau pun sama je.

Allah inspire someone to have courageous to advice you because Allah wants you to change.

Leaving in a society that not everyone is in the same path is not easy. You want to change. I want to change to be better but it is not easy as i cannot find someone with the same mission...
Not everyone understand my changes .... Sometime i don't even have any supporter.

Life can be hard if you never want to find happiness. Happiness will never come easily. Trust me! No matter waht, you have to stay strong and fight till the end.

Defend yourself if it can solve the conflict. Be silent because silent is the weapon to be patient. Smile, is the key of happiness. Be positive as an inspiration to be motivated.

Allah have best plans for you. If you try to find Him, He will never let you go.

Assalamualaykum,
This one is special for whoever that know me..

I just want to say, please don't put any high expectation towards me. As a friend, best friend, leader, guider or whatever. I will fail you. I mean, there will be moments where you regret or underestimate me. There will be time where you wish I should act differently.

Now, I want to be honest with each and every of my actions. I hate to act. I just need a break from all the expectations.

I need you guys to understand my situation.I need to act as fair as I can. Sometime I was hypocrite under some circumstances. There are moments where you prefer to act typically as you are lazy to be honest because sometime honesty can begin an argument. Mark my works, such argument always take a long time to solve.

Right now, I want to be honest and I also want an honest response.

If I'm doing it wrong, please, tell me I'm wrong.

I'm far from perfect...

Please guide me...

Assalamualaykum. Firstly, sorry for any typo and for the long silent. I just got the opportunity to be in this page and write.

It was a very tiring 2 months. Classes non stop. I am so tired until i got fed up with people who thought i never study or prepare myself for SPM. They thought they gave me spirit or whatever, i am just too tired. I got classes during the day and night. Even during the weekends. Plus i got lots of other things to worry about. Study. Juniors. Teachers. Bla bla bla..

Everyone has their own problems. OK I get it.

It was a long time since the last time I talked to Jackson. Then I approached him with a joke which he took it seriously. In the end the conversation stopped. It ends with my unwillingness apology.
A joke. Is it? Am I too harsh or what.. I am tired. Tired of myself that I still can't let him go. Still hope to be one of his friends who he never care. Still have a spark of hope that things can be like it used to. All of the things that even I can guarantee will never happen.
I understand he likes other girl. I can see that.
I think I have to force him to push me away like how he had done to me before. I should just delete everything. Move on.

It's hard. Hardest. But it's worth a try right.

I do miss him in person. I thought of him a lot. I just...just want him to realize that it's hard to let him go. How much I hope that it's just a dream.

I thought too much about other people until I forget about myself. My feelings. My responsibilities. I was drowned.

I know I'm far from being perfect. I am not as pretty as others. Cute like others. Brilliant like others. I'm just being myself. My true self.

If I am not being appreciated, then I should just leave.

Sorry for all the troubles.

Thanks for reading. May Allah guide us. InshaaAllah.

Mission 9 A plus is on!

Assalamualayum, Alhamdulillah

Here i am to express my opinion about being a leader.

Leader, why do you define it? I define it as someone who is give power to lead people in his or her society. Being a leader is not easy and it comes with a big price and responsible. That is why not everyone is given the opportunity to lead. But if someone is given the power to lead, it means, the society actually trust him or her. So what you must do? Do not failed them!

No matter how kind or generous you are, some people still do not like you, in other word, hate you. You can't simple beg or go down to your knees so that they will like you, adore you. That is so not true! You can't forced them to like you and it is not an option. They have the option to do what they want just like you. You must live with all the haters and all the bad comments. That is how we are going to realise our flaws.

People hate you. You get two options, ignore them and try your best to lead or hear them and cry until you bleed. Choose.

You will never lead a society alone. You got your friends and supporters. Your teammates especially! They are they one you should listen not the minors who knows nothing about your position. Some leader tend to look at the dark sides and cry about it like a garbage beg. While you can share your worries and troubles to people who actually can do something about it.

I know how it feels to be hate. To be ban. To be alone where not even my parents are there for me. I know the struggle and the emptiness. I felt it. I feel the pressure myself. I am being realistic. Now, do you see me crawling in the corner of dorm, crying about it? No.

Take one example, our Prophet, Muhammad S.A.W, he is the most perfect leader of all but some people still hate him. If he was alone, he prayed to Allah, asked for His mercy and guidance. He did not went around and asked everyone to like him. He did not tell the society his problems except for his best friends. He listens to what people wanted to say. He leads no matter what happen. He never gave up. Look now. Everyone knows him until now. Look at his success.

Everything back to Allah.

You can never realise how strong you are until one day, you have no option but to be strong. Pushing yourself away is not going to help you. Running away from your problems also will not help you as it will appear back in other condition or generation.

So, i am asking you leaders, do you really need to choose to be weak.

When the society see you being weak and useless, they mock you. They questions the people that had chooses you. Aren't you feel ashamed of yourself? While your teammates are struggling to fix things that you had done. Struggling to make you realise and pray that you come to your senses.

Walking away will not help.

Its too late to turn back. If before this, people saw you as their leader or saw your ability to lead, why do you failed to make people see you as a leader now? Where is your leadership? Did it wash away like your spirits? Spirit is what you must find in order to lead.

I know that it is easy to say that being done but i had gone through it so, it is not impossible.

Stop. Stop letting others to destroy you bids by bids. Stop doing things that should not be done. Stop. Stop being weak.

Ini baru perjalanan sekolah menengah. Belum perjalanan di peringkat IPT. Belum sebagai seorang suami. Seorang bapa. Seorang pekerja. Atau seorang boss. Leadership is important.

Assalamualaykum, Alhamdulillah

After 3 week ehh, here i am back.

I have to much to say but i can't recall back everything that i had in mind.

But what i am focusing today is about big city and big brother.

Currently i am in Kuala Lumpur which is the capital city of Malaysia. I am actually a city girl but, just a minor city. I spend my childhood in a medium life. Let me define medium life, i am not from a rich family but we can afford the living. We don't usually shop branded stuff but sometime we can afford some. Then we develop, my elder sister and my elder brothers, they started to discover the outside world. They expose me about what they had discover, which is a good thing because it opens my eyes. I guess that's why my mind develop faster. I mean, i have many opinions about the society. Ok back to the topic.

As they discover the world, they start to 'develop' themselves. They ..... urgh....sometime they take their friends as their priority. Well, city change people. People change just like the city. They develop.

If you observe the city, first they develop until they have everything. Then, it develop more and more and more until things become kinda worse. I mean look at the city yourself. The poor become poorer and the rich become richer, the medium are struggling to maintain their position. No matter how develop the city, criminal cases still increase and in my opinion, Malaysians are developing the wrong thing. They keep on develop until they forget to upgrade. Upgrade their weak spot. Find what is wrong and fix it. Just like human.

We grow and grow. But along the journey, do we ever look at our own reflection and fix what we suppose to fix. Or at least, be different. Walk away from the same thing. Instead of looking for fame and money, look for adventures and motivations. Find and know ourselves. Learn from the society's mistake. Learn from it not follow it and repeat the same drama.

Some people, they are keen of being easy. Everything they want, they get it. My brother is someone like that. but in the end, things turn out to be..... dirty. He forget to appreciates.

Just like the city, it forget that before it become a city, it was just an empty land filled with dirt. Then people come and polished it and one day it become a big city. Now, the city itself is killing the people. People are struggling to keep up with the city developments. I know we are not suppose to blame the city because it is not a living thing and 'people' themselves are the one created the city.

I am not blaming the creator of whatever. We have the choice to do something. We had been guided but, because of the sense of selfishness, we forget. The different between human and the city, human have brain which is functions, which means, they have the choice to be good or bad. The city itself is not a living thing but something human create by the sense of deed to greed. The city itself didn't had the choice to be good or bad but turns out into whatever because of human.

I know this post is kinda complicated but i hope you guys can sense what i wanted to talk about.

We have the choices. We must be wise with our decisions.

Assalamualaikum, Alhamdulillah

I'm back after for about two weeks. I've been thinking about updating since the day i arrived home but only now i urge myself to update it.

Well, during Friday's evening my mum and I went to 'pasar malam' aka night market. I bought all the foods that i craved for sometime.

Then I saw the same 'pakcik' that will always be there selling his 'penyapu lidi'. Let me be clear. He is a blind man. He will always be at the night market since i can remember. Dia peminta sedekah. I am not here to tell everyone that he is actually asked for sympathize and bla bla bla. I do felt so sorry about him. But i will get to it soon.

Then i saw a woman sitting by the corner with a box with money inside it... In front of the box written,'Sumbangan untuk rumah anak yatim.....'

After about twice walking back and forth, i saw many faces that i never realize until now. Faces. Faces that tells us that this is the only source of their income. Faces that want to earn money from the right source and want to give the best for their children. Faces of helpful children.

I felt touched. I felt useless. Because of what i felt, there is this spirit urge inside me. It said, you must change the society. You must help the poor. You must make a change. Make sure everything change starting from you.
It is not something easy, but it is not impossible.

If Khalifah Umar al-Aziz can make sure there was no one being poor inside his country, i can be like him too. Even i am a girl.

It is actually an urge to you guys to make a change. It is not about you guys, it is about the society.

Excuse my malay: Kalau korang rasa seronok dengan harta melambak dan tak rasa bersalah membazir, sedar lah diri tu. Akhirat nanti Allah soal macam mana korang spent harta korang di dunia. Ada menderma? Ada membelanjakan ke arah kebaikan?

I felt sorry because by that time i did not bring any penny with me. I felt hopeless by only looking at them with my not-so-pretty-face. I can't even give that 'pakcik' a smile because he can't even see me...

Ok done there.

School dramas:

As usual, school drama.

First things first, i went to Melaka for school trip. As i arrived school, it was about 9pm and after Isyak prayer, they urged me to go to 'the movie night' (malam tayangan). Well, that night people hated me because i forced them to go even we were still tired from the trip. For me, if i can managed my legs to walk, why didn't they shut the heck up and just go. Me, myself did not had any advantage. Just go with the rules.

Friendship sucks:

That is when the same person take a person you like twice. What is worst, she is your friend that you thought was your best pal. She is also your dorm mate. What is worst than what you can imagine, she knew about your crush that now safe and sound become her boy friend. That particular 'guy' is your classmate. No matter what you do, you can never get away from either of them. Bare your heart. Bare your eyes.

Responsibility. (Amanah lah siot!) :

I don't have much to say. If you think you can't hang with what you are asked to do, just hang yourself and die rather than going around telling people to love you and depends on you. Please, jangan nak susah kan orang lain boleh? Depends on your team rather than all the bitches that mock you. The end.

Wise words by Me.

In this world, you learn from everyone, seriously, everyone! Reasons. Lessons. Whatever.

But please, do not depend to much from any human being because everyone has their own problem. Depends to Allah (God) because only He can makes you fell calm and ease for you to get through it.

Pray. Repent.

InshaaAllah next post with photos.

Kepenatan. Just so tired of all the dramas.

Dulu kau susah aku tolong. Kau sedih aku pujuk, kau stress aku nasihat. Bile semua orang tinggalkan kau aku yang kau cari, aku fikir, ada sebab Allah nak aku layan kau.
Bila kau senang, kau selalu tinggalkan aku. Tapi bila aku tegur baru lah kau macam tersedar kan. Tapi bukan lama pun. Bagi kau aku ni kawan biasa je.
Aku selalu berusaha nak buktikan dekat kau yang aku ni someone yang kau boleh percaya dan kau harapkan sebab aku memang bersungguh. Tapi tak semua kawan aku nampak usaha aku.
Aku redha.
Ada juga yang aku korban sebab berkawan dengan kau. Tapi kau mana nampak. Tak nak kau perasan pun sebab itu apa yang memang aku nak buat atas kehendak aku.
Walaupun kau pernah banyak kali tikam belakang aku... Aku bangkit balik. Cari ubat, sapu luka tu... Nak sembuh luka tu bukan sekejap... Tapi bila dah sembuh, kau tikam lagi sampai sembuh orang lain pula. Aku rasa macam aku ni patung. Tempat orang luahkan dendam.

Aku sabar. Sabar sampai sekarang. Tak kire betapa lukanya hati atau perasaan aku, aku jarang luahkan sepenuhnya. Hanya orang tertentu sahaja yang tahu. Semuanya aku memang prefer nak simpan je. Malas nak luahkan. Malas nak orang tahu. Tapi sebabkan aku ni perempuan, aku mudah patah. Aku nangis. Aku lemah. Aku mampu doa supaya Allah yang bagi aku tenaga untuk teruskan kehidupan aku. Aku fikir, segala kesakitan ni aku dapat sebab Allah sayang aku. Allah nak aku sedar yang hidup di dunia ni sementara dan dunia ni memang penjara orang mukmin.
Aku tak salahkan Allah. Mungking aku pernah tersalahkan takdir sebab mental breakdown kan. Tapi aku segera bertaubat. Aku ni hanya manusia biasa yang teramat dan tersangatlah hina.
Aku hanya mampu cakap, aku sedih. Aku harap kesedihan ni akan hilang. Aku harap lepas zaman persekolahan ni tamat, aku berjaya menyepikan diri aku daripada semua kawan aku. Aku nak menghilang. Walaupun aku tahu kehilangan aku ni tak memberi makna kepada sesiapa tetapi aku ada menaruh secubit harapan, ada yang perasan kehilangan aku.

Hidup ini hanya sementara. Tarbiyyah diri selalu. InshaaAllah, hidayah milik kita.

Assalamualaykum and Alhamdulillah

It had been about a month since any news. Well, i was trapped in school and honestly, it felt like a new beginning for me.

I learned a lot.

Btw, i got a foster sister. I had to guide her during her orentation weeks. She is way taller than me and she looks very familiar with my twin in igop. She is a good girl and she never asked my help much. Very independent. Overall, i managed to scared the kids. Even some of them hated me, tbh, i love it. I don't care. I am just doing what i was asked to do.

Hurm...well i there were some dramas in the prefect team. So annoying and it hurted me a lot. I felt like i got a gun shot straight at my heart. You know the feeling of being betrayed by everyone! Urgh, forget it. I don't want to think about it..

This year, i got a new teacher as my class teacher and she taught me Malay language. She is quite scary but i think she will be just fine. InshaaAllah

Anything exciting happen?

I went to UM for some school programme. I learned so much about Japanese's culture. The aim of the programme, they wanted to encourage students to apply there and join them. We will learned the language. Then we willearn physic, maths and whatever fully in Japanese for 2 years. Hurm. I am just considering...

Tbh, i dunno what to tell yah guys. Maybe next post i will tell sonething more exciting!

Sorry for da lame stories.

Assalamualaykum, Alhamdulillah

Well, to be honest, today is like a new day for me. Actually everyday is a new day but for me, today is a little different from any other day. No its not my birthday, yet.



Yesterday i started to watch a korean drama entitled, scent of woman. It is the first korean drama that i watched about sickness. I know that cancer is a cliche sickness for the character to possess but this time it show us how meaningful life can be.

I know how cliche korean drama can be but it still touched me like i never know about it. They act so real that i cried hard yesterday. I had watched episode 1 till 12. Will continue to watch after posting this.

Lee did a bucket list of things she wants to do before she died. She accidently fall in love with someone she should not fall for. Well, the love story was complicated. For me, what i love about this drama, in the first episode you already know all the characters and the sickness. Even you could cry watching the first episode itself. Maybe i am being emotional but, girls, i don't lie.

What i really learned for it, appreciates life and people around you. It may be hard sometime, thats why you prefer to be alone and pushed away others, but nothing can change it. Its not like if you push away people, your problem will gone. Even when you push away people because you think its the best, actually you are just scared that they are not helping. Actually, maybe not all might help you but at least they can share the feelings. They can at least support you. Being independent is outstanding but ... we are just to weak to fight this war alone. Even the avangers, they are in a group. No matter how awesome and powerful ironman, black widow, hulk, and others can stand alone but in a group they are brilliant! each one of they have their own ability to complete the group. Don't blame your friend for not understanding you, allowing them to understand you is something that is your own choice. Sometime, we must always be the one giving up our egos because one day you will find that worth it. Eventually, they will come around.

I woke up today, there is a message in ws. Its like an advise about friends.

I just realize how i managed to push away all of my friends by watching movies and dramas. Sometime i tried it by studying. But now, i felt bad about it. Its like i am blaming them for not understanding me. Tbh, i don't even allow them to understand me because for me things are too complicated that they will never understand or they will act like they did. Or maybe because i thought nobody cares at all. Living a life alone without any friends really give a huge impact in my life.

Do you know the feeling that you actually know that nobody give a damn about you. No even your family that give you the thoughts of rebel.

Do you know the feelings of acting. Acting like you are fine but you are actually not. You hide it because its not worth to show it. Maybe you show some things hoping someone will come to their sense and ask you if you are fine. Hope hurts a lot.

Do you know the feeling of being the one to approach everyone else to make sure you are not invincible. You feel like you are the one who is putting all the efforts to make sure that the friendship is something.

And, do you know the feeling of tired of all the feelings above. You just decided to give up and push everyone away, try to live your life as nothing had happen no matter how hard it is at first but you keep on telling yourself that one day, maybe one day you will be ok. Nothing to worry about. Then you just live it. And it is true that nobody cares. Nobody approach you at all. They seem busy with their life. Busy with all the bullshits.

What do you expect? Each and everyone will detect your feelings? They never know unless you show they. At least talked to them.

I thought of that but what i did..

I DON"T GIVE A DAMN THING..

Things had been hard to me lately so, i push away all my own advises. Pffft, such a pathetic. Pushing away myself.

Then as i watched this drama, scent of women, and i read the advise ... I came to my senses.

We don't know the future. We can be a cancer-patient-to-be or maybe we might involved in a fatal accident. We don't know any of that.

The feeling of being alone can be last feeling before your afterlife. Do you think you will be reborn and you suddenly can make things right? There is no second chance as you died.

In my belief, when you died, you will be torture because of your sins, in grave, in Ma'sha, in hell. Why do you have to torture yourself on earth while you are still free to make your own choices?

If you commit sins, repent to Him. He is the Most Merciful. No matter how much your sins even if its as much as the height to sky, He will still accept it. He give you chance to repent because he never wanted to torture you. Do you ever felt grateful that you are not punish right away after you committed a sin. A sin not sins. You stole things, but you manage to escape. You cursed a lot but you still manage to talk as usual. In the same time, after all the punishments being postpone, are you ready for the Judgement Day where the judge is Allah and you can't escape anymore?

When that day come, all you will feel is regret. Regret because of this and that.

It is my mistake to push people away because it cause a great pain in my heart. What is nice about pushing others away, you put all of your faith in God. For me, Allah. You know and you are CONVINCE that He is a All Mighty. The is the best Planner.

My points are,
1. Everyone has their reasons to push others away but why do you have to suffer alone?
2. Life is too short to suffer from your own feelings
3. Think further. Future and all of the 'what if'
4. Regret now then later.
5. Maybe its the time to step aside from your egos and come back to the society.
6. Not everyone is perfect and can be the most outstanding person to stand beside you but its worth to give it a try. Imperfect what makes it perfect. I mean, you can complete each other. That makes it a perfect friendship and relationship.
7. Life is hard if you say so.

Here some sad moments in The Scent Of Woman. Korean drama.

Assalamualaykum, Alhamdulillah

I am about 3 days and 3 months away from turning into 17. TBH, i am not excited about it at all.

Well, i just read an inspirational article, Pesanan Harapan by aimaanbanna.com

So inspiring and i am very lucky to come across it because that article actually links to what i am facing nowadays.

During this holidays, i've been observing what is happening around me. My family, friends, society.

I realize how bad and wrong i had behave. How helpless i am to make a change and to make others realize that they are doing it wrong too.

I also experience some unspeakable moments. I know what is happening but i can't really explain in detail about how my 'heart' had handled. It was just so hard until there was a point where i thought of giving up my life. Maybe commit suicide or do something stupid. But in the end, i did not give instead of giving up, i move on.

I remind myself that Allah is there for me. Never give up in Allah. Everything that i can think of that links to Him directly.

I know He is listening even i am just praying in my thoughts. I am really convince! And i am lucky because He answered my prayers.

During my dark hours, i felt so alone and i knew that my family will never realize about my sadness. But this time, Allah allows my sister to notice it. Even it did not solved anything but i feel the love of my sister. She care.

During the dark nights, despite the tears and all the mess, today, i wake up like a new person. I do not feel the pain anymore. I can feel it recover. Maybe now 100% but i can feel the pain decrease.

During the dark moments, as i was looking at my phone hoping for any replies or apologizes, suddenly i don't feel like looking at my phone and i am staying away from it. I don't feel that my phone is something so precious.

While i was scrolling down my TL, i felt the emptiness. Being alone. Now, i just feel like staying away from it because i know if i keep on reading all the happiness or sadness, i will start to tweet like i desperate for love or i just want to world to know that i am damn depressed.

Do you ever feel the emptiness where you have no one to fight for. Someone who you can called as friend. You realize that actually you don't have any true friends. I don't need someone who can always makes me happy but i just need someone who at least, care about me like they care about themselves. At one point you feel like, you actually tell yourself don't need them but actually deep down in that hollow heart, you need them desperately. You wanna scream out their names but you know no one will reply.

Do even feel the rejection of wanna be special. Well, its too hard to speak of it. Better off kept unspoken. Counterproductive.

It's like the world was going against you. All the person who you thought would care and fateful to you were actually liars. They just think about themselves. Change from being saint to satanic. Well, that was actually kinda over. I mean, they turn bad as like you never know them in the first place. You tried to support them, make them happy, show them love, but all they do is go against you and never care how you feel. Applause.

I don't understand. If pushing away is what you want in the first place, then it's better for you to delete everything of me. My phone number, my messages, unfollow me, just go ahead and forget me. Don't dare think of me or care about my updates. Just ... go.

Me? I will not do that because i know sooner or later i am going to need the memories. I love the memories. It is the reason i am being myself, the reason i must always stay strong, the reason for a better life. I am not deleting you.

What had happen, is past. I am moving forward. If you really need someone, act like you need them.

Admit Your Mistake ᴴᴰ - Powerful Islamic Reminder: http://youtu.be/bQC303wFYks

Well, everyone commits sins but its never too late to ask for forgiveness. ��