Assalamualaykum,
This one is special for whoever that know me..

I just want to say, please don't put any high expectation towards me. As a friend, best friend, leader, guider or whatever. I will fail you. I mean, there will be moments where you regret or underestimate me. There will be time where you wish I should act differently.

Now, I want to be honest with each and every of my actions. I hate to act. I just need a break from all the expectations.

I need you guys to understand my situation.I need to act as fair as I can. Sometime I was hypocrite under some circumstances. There are moments where you prefer to act typically as you are lazy to be honest because sometime honesty can begin an argument. Mark my works, such argument always take a long time to solve.

Right now, I want to be honest and I also want an honest response.

If I'm doing it wrong, please, tell me I'm wrong.

I'm far from perfect...

Please guide me...

Assalamualaykum. Firstly, sorry for any typo and for the long silent. I just got the opportunity to be in this page and write.

It was a very tiring 2 months. Classes non stop. I am so tired until i got fed up with people who thought i never study or prepare myself for SPM. They thought they gave me spirit or whatever, i am just too tired. I got classes during the day and night. Even during the weekends. Plus i got lots of other things to worry about. Study. Juniors. Teachers. Bla bla bla..

Everyone has their own problems. OK I get it.

It was a long time since the last time I talked to Jackson. Then I approached him with a joke which he took it seriously. In the end the conversation stopped. It ends with my unwillingness apology.
A joke. Is it? Am I too harsh or what.. I am tired. Tired of myself that I still can't let him go. Still hope to be one of his friends who he never care. Still have a spark of hope that things can be like it used to. All of the things that even I can guarantee will never happen.
I understand he likes other girl. I can see that.
I think I have to force him to push me away like how he had done to me before. I should just delete everything. Move on.

It's hard. Hardest. But it's worth a try right.

I do miss him in person. I thought of him a lot. I just...just want him to realize that it's hard to let him go. How much I hope that it's just a dream.

I thought too much about other people until I forget about myself. My feelings. My responsibilities. I was drowned.

I know I'm far from being perfect. I am not as pretty as others. Cute like others. Brilliant like others. I'm just being myself. My true self.

If I am not being appreciated, then I should just leave.

Sorry for all the troubles.

Thanks for reading. May Allah guide us. InshaaAllah.

Mission 9 A plus is on!