i dunno what to say...today i called my bff and we talked. its fun and really touching. he is the only person that really understand me. i don't know if he realize this but he knows how to make me feel like im a loser.

after we talked i feel like i'm not suitable to be his friend cause we are so different. i mean he is a genius but i'm not that great in my studies. he is an important person in his bathch while i'm just a normal person with no powers. he is tall and i'm now shorter than him. and he...is so complete.

he knows how to make me feel better or worst but everything he make me feel is for my own good. but...i dunno

i'm confuse. why is he been so nice towards me at the first place?

what ever...he give me one new inspiration.

MY INSPIRATION!!!

@i'll be more focus on my studies.
@ i'm pushing couple issues a side
@ want to be single until finish SPM (hoping)
@ want to get better result than him!

lets hope and pray that that inspiration will stick in my heart like forever for my own good.

thanks syamil for that inspiration and good luck for your lovely relationship.



that is him



that is also him but this time when he did al fully grow up like up there

p/s: last time i'm taller than him...but that time already gone...

after everything that happen to me that made me sad and kept me under the blanket for so long is actually waking me up. after a while with the sorrow, now i'm wide awake. i bet most of you guys are katy parry's fans, yeah, me too! wide awake by katy parry really inspire me to move on and go on with my adventure of searching my sunlight.

the problem that keeping me down
-breaking up

yeah that really took me a long time to get over it. you guys must be bored of reading on whatever that i had post about my break up. sorry about that but by posting those are making me better.
now i seldom talk to him. and he said and decided that now we are just friend. huh, funny? for me, that are so damn funny. how can your ex be your friend. that is super awkward. i don't deny it.but...i just say, ok.what kinda of friend are you if you never want to talk to me...

-my result that had fall

i think someone push my number down so hard that's why i get that kinda result. but i did realize that this time i had problem with seniors by that exam week and that really effect. but my dad said that it's a lame reason.
yeah, i agreed. maybe not because of that shit but because of myself being so careless. but that open my eyes to work more harder. and now i'm trying to work as hard and i'm trying to discipline myself with my schedule.

-sport and debate

now i already stop playing basketball until my result clime back. my dad only allow me to continue debate if i maintain my studies back.my leg is not giving full support for me to run. i mean a race.
i'm starting to suck in sport....what kinda athlete am i?

now, i found someone that bring a brightness in my life. i got someone to share my feelings. he is not my boyfriend or whatever like that but he is like my brother.he agreed to be my foster brother. i mean little brother. he is one year younger then i am.
we are not so close yet but he care about me. at least i now someone is supporting me from behind my back.and i have someone to care about. to make proud of beside my family and friends.

so, now is time for me to start my gear and get ready at the starting line because i know there are so many people are waiting for me at the finish line. all of them are hoping me to bring back a gold and huge trophy.so i can't disappoint them.

yeah i know some of my drama readers want to know when will ep22 will be publish.erm...sorry for that. maybe after i'm finish with my problems. i mean those problem that i'm still dealing.my study are still not balance with my relationship just crush and i have to face that boy TOMORROW. any worst part that i forget to tell? yeah, tomorrow i will go back to my beloved school. maybe will come back after 2 or 3 weeks.

ok, finish with that. now like everyone know that i'm single again. and i'm kinda happy with that. but i can't hide the mask that i'm wearing right now. i am happy but i am jealous of my friends ok.

they have such a good relationship and i did support them. i am always loyal to support them positively and they also always support me. maybe they see my face smiling and giving them the courage words. giving them spirit to move on and go on with your partner. but in my heart i was heart broken. i am sad, down and crying.

i don't know why. i encourage them so that they will not become like me. fail in my own relationship. am i'm so over? sorry for that. i mean i'm still hurt inside. nothing is closing the wound. maybe my friends that keep on telling me to be fine and i keep on telling them that i'm fine. the truth is, those word didn't affect me. my words of fine are kinda just lies. i am not fine!

i'm not sure what will make me fine. maybe i just need someone to huge me and wipe my tears then the person tell me, you are going to be fine! you are the most strongest girl i've ever met. if you feel sad or down, call me. then i will always remind you how strong you are so that you can be remember how strong you are for you to move on.maybe that will work.

or maybe i just have to huge myself and look at the mirror? because i know that nobody want to huge me and say like that accept for myself. you guys must think, is this girl crazy or poor this girl that she have no one to depend to. yeah, maybe.

i have friends and family but no one truly understand me. they just give advised and this and that. yeah, yeah. but i obey because i know their advised are for my own good. i don't deny them. it's just,,,,,they never use the physical way. they don't huge me....i mean, i kinda need someone that can make me really trust them.

maybe i confuse you. u know those disney teenager movies, you see how their grans or grandpa or parents advised them. how they convince their child or grandchild about something. how they add some love and physical touch like scrubbing hair or huge or a kiss on forehead. things like that only happen in movies. did it really happen in the reality? maybe some of it did happen.

but not on me. i don't what that thing to always happen on me but i really want it to happen when i really need it. so the conclusion is, only the person that really know me will apply it. but the thing is, who is it?

any ideas?

I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change i've spent on you
Where are the times gone baby It's all wrong,
we're at the place we made for two

Yeah, I,
I know it's hard to remember
The people we used to be
It's even harder to picture
That you're not here next to me
You said it's too late to make it
But is it too late to try?
And then that time that you wasted

All of our bridges burnt down
I've wasted my nights
You turned out the lights
Now i'm paralyzed
Still stucked in that time when we called it love
But even the sun sets in paradise

I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change i've spent on you
Where are the times gone baby
It's all wrong, we're at the place we made for two
If happy ever after did exist
I would still be holding you like this
And all those fairytales are full of it
One more stupid love song i'll be safe

You turned your back on tomorrow
Cause you forgot yesterday
I gave you my love to borrow
But just gave it away
You can't expect me to be a friend
I don't expect you to care

I know I said it before
But all of our bridges burnt down
I've wasted my nights
You turned out the lights
Now i'm paralyzed
Still stucked in that time when we called it love
But even the sun sets in paradise

I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change i've spent on you
Where are the times gone baby
It's all wrong, we're at the place we made for two
If happy ever after did exist
I would still be holding you like this And all those fairytales are full of it
One more stupid love song i'll be safe
Now i'm at a payphone...

[Wiz Khalifa]
Now work that sh-t I'll be right here spending all this money while you sitting round
Wondering why wasn't you who came out from nothing
Made it from the botton Now when you see me i'm struting
And all of my cause a way to push up a button
Telling me the chances I blew up or whatever you call it
Switched the number to my phone
So you never can call it
Don't need my name, or my show
You can tell it i'm ballin' Shish,
what a shame coulda got picked
Had a really good game but you missed your last shot So you talk about who you see at the top Or what you could've saw
But sad to say it's over for it Phantom roll out valet open doors
Where's the car way, got what you was looking for
Now ask me who they want
So you can go take that little piece of sh-t with you

I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change i've spent on you
Where are the times gone baby It's all wrong,
we're at the place we made for two
If happy ever after did exist
I would still be holding you like this
And all these fairytales are full of it
One more stupid love song i'll be safe

Now i'm at a payphone...

this song really describe what happen in my relationship that already turn into shit. now what he said in his status,: do u think couple is important?
then he said that study is important. for me, what ever, i'm sick of it and sick of him! so now i'm free and i am so damn happy that i'm already free from that ungrateful person.

meaning of this lyric

All of my change i've spent on you
= i'm being so shy and kind and so soft ONLY with him.


Where are the times gone baby It's all wrong,
we're at the place we made for two
= what he wrote in his note. something about the future

If happy ever after did exist
I would still be holding you like this
= if he did not be someone that wanna act so cool or being so selfish, we can still be together

You turned your back on tomorrow
Cause you forgot yesterday
=u being so ego. maybe now u are so damn happy about this break up but one day don't ever crawl to me and say that u are sorry because u are NOT sorry

I gave you my love to borrow
But just gave it away
=u remember that we couple back, meaning i had gave u two time of my love but u waste it with lame reason

You can't expect me to be a friend
I don't expect you to care
=u think i'll be fine with u after EVERY WORD U HAD SAID TO ME BEFORE. no. maybe u see me being ok and still with my crazy attitude, but actually i'm not fine!
=i know that u NEVER CARE

All of our bridges burnt down
=what we plan already don't have future bro

I've wasted my nights
=i have waste all of my time thinking about u. now i realize that i could think or do anything else all of that time are just a big waste!

You turned out the lights
Now i'm paralyzed
Still stucked in that time when we called it love
But even the sun sets in paradise
=u said the word that make us break up. the rest just happen on our first break up not after what had just happen.

And all those fairytales are full of it
One more stupid love song i'll be safe
(the true lyric is)
And all those fairytales are full of SHIT
One more Fucking love song i'll be sick
=thanks for everything MR IS

do you have any ideas of what you are scared of?

me? first, Allah. second, THE FUTURE!! third, being a loser. fourth, FAUR DINIE AND MR. AZLAN for some reason. i'll talk about that later.

now...what i want to talk today is about future. DO YOU SCARED OF THE FUTURE?? I THINK EVERYONE IS SCARED OF THE FUTURE because we don't know what will happen in another second or minute or day or year. we just have no idea.

we as human can plan what we want to do in the future but we cannot be so sure that i will happen. maybe we die or maybe something that can change our plan. you know, future freak me out and freak everyone but the one weapon that can defeat our fear, CONFIDENT!

YOU KNOW, WE CANNOT JUST WAIT WHAT WILL HAPPEN. that just for loser!! seriously your best plan is just wait and see. hey, you better kill yourself already. i mean, we ARE human so we PLAN our FUTURE and let DESTINY AND FATE show us what happen.

we cannot give up on our future. remember, sometime best thing happen on future then on past. like, maybe you fail now but it does not mean that you will fail forever. maybe you broke up with your lover but maybe you may find someone better in the future.

sometime, we must be sad first then smile. so that went you get something better you will be thankful for that. can you imagine only good thing happen to you, believe me, you will feel bored. if you will not be thankful. like eating your favorite food everyday, it will not called as FAVORITE . because we will not taste the amenity o the food.

now, let us plan our future WISE-FULLY so that we can have a better future. bad luck maybe happen but if we don't have bad stories now, what are we gonna tell our children when we get old. bad things happen but it happen so that when good thing happen we can feel the pleasantness..

i know that i sound so damn confident...but what i'm talking to you guy is actually i'm talking to myself too. i'm having kinda rough time right now and i want to be more confident so i type this thing. and i think maybe i can share this with you guys so i publish it. so hope, everyone got the moral of this article.

p/s: have fun reading it!!

you can say what ever you want but read first before asking me why i said , what?

i'm with someone who live SO DAMN FAR AWAY but we are classmate THE ONLY THING THAT MAKE ME FEEL NEAR. he said to me before this 2 WEEKS HOLIDAY, ''chat with ok''. i'm like, sure. then i online like EVERYDAY just to keep in touch with him. i send him A TONS OF MESSAGE and calls him like COUNTLESS. (a little over)

but what i'm trying to say, I AM TRYING TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH YOU MAN. IS IT SO DAMN HARD TO UNDERSTAND???

maybe you guys may say that: @ maybe he is busy @ maybe he don't have topap @ maybe his connection is cut @ maybe he is spending time with his family @ maybe he is this and that and what ever hey, listen. maybe he is busy or so on but is it hard to chat with me even once???

what? that's my problem with him.

now, please appreciate people that care about you. don't be like this. maybe my relationship is getting kinda up and down but all relationships have their up and down. but if maybe you have fight with he/she, if you think you are guilty or you already cool down, just apologize. saying sorry is something so special. not everyday you can hear your gf/bf say sorry to you before you say it. in relationship, sometime someone must give up their ego first and that must always be guys. if guys don't give first they are totally not gentleman. seriously!

i know maybe man are protesting, right? what i'm trying to say, maybe your gf make mistake but they blame on you but if you say sorry first and tell her what her mistake slowly and try to be romantic with that. never scold them without any strong evidence. maybe girls are kinda annoying with the sulking and jealousy but you guys (man) must understand that they become like that because they care about you. they are trying to catch your attention. if you don't like about your girl just tell her as sweet as you can so they can take that word to change to be someone you want. is it hard to understand that concept. i'm a girl so kinda understand my own gender.


one more, about what girls like the most. for me, i think girls really love surprised like, a lot! if you make a girl cry, give them something the next day. no need to panic. and if they want something which you cannot effort, give them other thing to show that you still try to make them happy. give them something to show that you care about her.

never make someone you love alone. that is the main point that both of you are together. always make yourself always with her even you are so damn far away. i understand about long distance couple because i'm at your place. always try to keep in touch with your love one. always see her or his status in facebook or what ever as long as you know they are at what condition. that is the most important thing.


we don't know if we can last forever with who you are with now but at least you try to find your fate. just don't be so disappoint. being heart broken and crying like hell is normal but be strong! if you are couple so you must always get ready for break ups. maybe not all will break up but get ready to be sad because no matter how happy you are you will face a fight that will make you fell like hell. always remember that Allah already set every organism with their couple. everyone already have their fate with someone but we don't know with who or we are not sure we already meet or not. things like that are normal. PATIENT. that is the key for happily ever after.

what?i don't want to spoil your relationship but by this advises you all can find your happily ever after....