Huargh!! School is opening! I have so much to do. Packing and ironing. But right now i still relax and online for awhile. Updating my blog for the last time for this year. I just can't believe how time go so fast!





I still remember when I was form1 dreaming of being form3 because lots of burden had been lifted. Now, i am free from my 'asrama' chows but i will have tons of hand outs! I am also a PMR candidate! The last thing i remember was being UPSR candidate.

I must get good results! Because of ALLAH and my family and myself.

2012 keeps so much sweet and sour memories which i kept in my mind as lessons. its actually hard to let it go but 2013 awaits! I can't let it wait forever. Its time to roll our sleeves and pull our socks!

I will make many transformation in 2013. I want to be more mature and more closer to Allah! I know its hard to change ourselves but in order to change the society we must start with ourselves! Be a great role model!

The older you get the more junior will come. They will observe us and try to follow our steps. So, in order to get great junior we must show great examples! And i will try my best to be one.

So, i hope everyone pray for my success and my changes! Its time to break a leg!! Fight!

I can't lie that when i care someone, i will always checking their condition. I will try to know what is going on in their life and what so ever. I cannot stop! I will keep on stalking. Sorry for that but that is me. >blink,blink< So, as you ever that had read about what is going on with me lately, yeah, i start to change. You know when someone is so damn upset he or she will start to find entertainment to cheer up themselves. I pray and watched 2 broke girls again to cheer me up. My parents will never understand me about this stuff. My best friends is busy but i don't blame them. The school is about to open and they all must be ready for that. I try to share with someone that might understand me but most of them give the same advised. Be patient, Allah is testing you, be strong and so many inspirational words. I am so happy that they care about me but actually nothing change. I still feel sad and sorrow. What make me stronger? I remind myself about Allah because i know everything happen for reason. The more He test me, that shows the more He loves me. I also think back, nothing is going to change and the time wouldn't stop, its ticking.

I keep on apologizing to Allah because i am sad with this test. As human i have emotional that i cannot deny. But i also pray so that Allah will give me strength to overcome this test.



When i am sad, i will listen to sad songs and at last i will cry. After crying, a relief came out because my sadness already flow out from me. I do think to cheer me up.





I was conscious if he is sad too. So i stalk him a bit. He seems fine. He already get over it. He always have someone by his side. Not to blame but that shows he is lucky. Kinda jealous of that. What really make me super jealous, he really appreciate his bff so much as he is single. I...i pray for his happiness and i pray for Allah to throw away my jealousy. He deserve better. I am just someone that give him so much burden.





To make myself clear that i am nothing to him, i read his post about me. There are so much hate and truth about me. So, whenever i felt like missing him like so much. I will read that post so that i realize that he don't need me anymore.





Now, i have to go on with my life. Do the best! Time to move on. Buckle up! I'm starting the engine to move on!

Assalamualaikum!

So u asked me to think then talk. so i did it! it took a whole day to think about it.so i end up writing everything on papers. its kinda long but that is what that pop into my mind and what i think is suitable for me to say.so this is what i wrote:

i already think about what you said and what is going on. i try to remember everything and yet, i don't get it. i don't understand about what is going on because it happen so sudden. did i do anything wrong? are you mad at me? am i worsting the situation?

i flash back from the first time i met you. i think about everything that you ever said to me. i try to think hard about our conversation yesterday. what i remember, this is the second time you act strictly to me. yesterday you were so happy and laugh a lot.then i get angry but for me its not serious. you apologize but i tease you. then you want to back off. i just reply what i had kept for a long time. realize is a song. i don't know if you get it.

when you said that you want me to have a better life, i was so shock! are you saying that you are making my life miserable? if you thought that, you are wrong! think back, i never said that you are a burden to me. if you are a burden, i wouldn't be nice to you. nobody asked me to be your friend, me, myself is eager to know you.

it took half day for me to think what to say. i decided to apologize if i hurt you. we are just friend (kawan). i already mess everything before. i try my best to do things right.maybe i'm not good enough. remember you said, aku x layak jadi bestie kau. actually, aku(me) yang x layak jadi bestie kau. i'm the one always cause so much problem. when i'm with you, i'm not really myself. me? i am a crazy person that always causes so much trouble.

at school,i always makes jokes and always keep my friends happy and they always make me happy.for me, friends always have fun and makes us happy. we share many things together because we need each other.

i am happy being your buddy. i always try to make you happy but sometime i am not sporting enough. i am a shy girl. i act crazy but deep inside, i am kinda sensitive. for me knowing you is great because you are interesting and i never met someone like you. but i don't know what you think of me.

i have this bad habit. i like to judge people and make conclusion about them. once i judge you which piss you off. i'm sorry but most people always as i judge. i am different but that makes me feel awesome and cool.

sorry for not being a great friend. i never show you who i really am. i always act crazy and cause lots of trouble. i am not someone you want to be friend with. you don't need me anymore. you got tons of other friends that always care about you.

you had been a great friend. thanks for everything and for being there for me. good luck in your life. i bet you gut a bright future. this is the last song for you.

Realize-Colbie Caillat

this time, for me you are someone that i used to know and the one that got away. (last joke from me)

So i have start exercising about 30 minutes. But today, i jog for about 2.5km. so i don't have appetite for dinner. i feel hungry but i don't have the 'eating' feeling. My dad said that exercise can lose my appetite while i think it is about broken heart. then i laugh when i think back. broken heart? i just felt empty.

so the conclusion, i don't know why. broken heart? school is about to open? exercise?

there are so many reason. i google it. u know what appear? about losing weight. i am not losing weight. i am gaining weight. so, i am reading the scientific reason.

but at last i end up only reading the first word of each paragraphs after reading the second one. there is just so many complicated words. i mean, i just know the simple words not science language. one day i will start to talk like Seldon in Bing Bang Theory.

what i had for my dinner? a glass of milk,half of tempoyak fish and an orange fruit. its great and enough for tonight.

i miss my siblings because this year, most of them are busy with their studies. some are so far from home. i really miss them.

my grandma is sick but she is getting better. Alhamdulilah.

so,i guess that's all for tonight.. thanks for reading.

Assalamualaikum, kalau jawab sayang. kalau x jawab dosa.

So, as usual i will text Nico. Yesterday we exchange songs. He gave me this song name fiddlesticks. I know all the other songs except that song. He dare me to find that song. So, i try to google it and find in youtube. and i fail. as usual he will always annoys me which is normal. i always get angry with him but it never last long because i know what kind of person he is. he is not the 'sorry' person.

but today something happen. he said that he write that song. i was like, WTH? and i said, oh,ok. congratulation. everything. so happy to hear that. thanks. as usual he keeps on annoy me. make me so angry which i just think, 'he always like this. he's the kid. calm down sister. never sold a kid or he will cry.' so he said that he is sorry. i just tease him,'now you know to say sorry i though you just know so say ok'. then he said that he want to make a step back and want me to live better.

i said to myself. i told you so, the boy cry! i'm like (sigh*) what in the world is he thinking? i'm fine and why suddenly he takes it so seriously?

he is like my little brother which is so mature than me. (i'm just a month older) he likes to annoy me which is the duty of a little brother. i already lost him once now i have to lose him again? huh *sigh. i don't know about that. he makes the decision.

i though of saying that its nothing but that just shows how desperate i am. maybe he is right. maybe it is the best for me and for him. i am always the one so busy body. he needs space. yeah, space.

so i guess it is goodbye then? should i say goodbye bro or goodbye crush? actually all of the songs is about him. -that's a little secret-

i don't know if i could handle it.

What i want to share today have something to do with my past. Most of it. SO, today i went for my tuition class as usual. I always come early so i sit down and read my novel before i enter the class.

Suddenly a boy aka my classmate arrived. He looks handsome and smart more then usual. Whatever. Then he sits kinda far, i mean, the other side of the room. The some boys from other class start to come out. They begin to talk wit my classmate. And one of the boy is Iman. He is the first guy that i know had a crush on me. In the same time, i also had a crush on him. we like each other but both of us don't know that.

It had been 3 years since the crush. I met him again the last 2 years at a camp. We were in the same group but, we don't have time to talk. We did talk but not much. After that camp, i sent him some letters but he response negatively. Which make me so sad. So i forget about him for a year then i move on. But he appear in my friend's fb acc. His photos!

Damn it! This time i cried because of everything about him. I wish i never know him!

Today, i watched him. I even rub my eyes. He saw me but i look away because i don't want him to recognize me. I'm not sure if he realize that its me. I hope he wouldn't because i want to move on. I don't want to like him or even what ever about him. Its enough! I am sick of everything! i just want to move on. some of his friends remind me of my friend which i haven't meet for so long. They remind me of so much pain. The bitter is more powerful than sweetness.

Things change. I change. He change. All of us are grow up! We must move on and left the past. the future awaits. Let's catch them together.

The past is great and taught me so much about life. I'm sorry but i have to move on. I am so sick waiting for something that never come. You think i forgot about you? I never did. So, I am so over it!

Hey guys, it had been a long time since i was so busy finishing my homeworks. I still got one more but i need time to rest!

So, Maria already married two days ago! The couple are so sweet! They suit each other. So i have some new stories to share. Hope you guys enjoy reading it.

Yesterday, a girl attack me. not psychically. she sent me a text warning me about her boyfriend. that boy and i are just regular friends. i did have feelings for him long ago but i already straight up. i already told him that we are just friend. but i don't know where she got the information about me and my number, she got it wrongly about me. i just test her once then she called me bitch. congratulation. you are the first girl that called me bitch.

haha. thanks for that. then i called her coward which i spell wrongly. she said, sis,what are you talking about. better spell correctly. i said, i have this problem since a long time ago. she said that she is the brave one because she is the one tolerate to end that conversation and she called me troublemaker.

Did she realize that she is the one making trouble. the first time she contact with me she said that she is a boy that likes me for a long time. but end up we fight and did not become friend. now she contact with me telling to stay away from her boyfriend. i told her, you can take him. i didn't want him. she said that i make her sound desperate. i bet she is! if she's not, she wouldn't attack me.

i told my Mr Nico about her. he asked me to ignore her. i can't help it. its been awhile nobody pick a fight on me. but he keep on telling me to ignore her. then he start being concern about me. kinda weird because he never be that concern about me. i don't like whenever he reply, 'hahaha, ok or ok,ok.' what is so funny? what is so ok? when i fed up with him, i copy him back. hahaha ok.

but last night i had a weird conversation with him. i want to call him because my credits are going to expired soon. but he said that he is going to his cousin's house. i can't call him there. i said, fine. he said, you can call now, im offering. i said, never mind you make me feel desperate. he said, sorry sorry. i said. now you make me sound stupid ( actually i want to say guilty). he said, sorry back. it take awhile for me to reply because i start to feel awkward. i said, nothing. he told me that i lie and its everything. i asked him why bet he never want to answer me. at last i say night. he said night too. usually he will add something like hun or babe. showing that we are close like brother and sister, i think.

am im showing that i had a crush on him? or sound like, i don't know. what i know that he felt something. he want to tell me something which maybe will effect our friendship. maybe that is the reason he shut up. i mean, he did not want to say. maybe im judging to much about him. i am the one who should shut up! maybe there is nothing. yeah, nothing.

before this, i want him to be my fake bf because i want to avoid a boy. i want Nico to be the reason but i am to afraid that he will get that wrongly. i admit that i had a crush on him once but now its gone. i think. i mean, its weird about me and him. he only miss me when we fight and he never miss me even i stop texting him for a week.

boys. so hard to read them

Hey! i just finish register for ask.fm and its kinda weird that i already register it. i mean, i think i would really open that account.

Anyway, i read Maria Elena's blog and she tell about her future husband. They met in 2009 and getting marry next year. They got engaged in 2011. it is so sweet between them! i really want that kind of relationship!!

http://peliks.blogspot.com/

Do you guys know who am i? let me give some of my social network account if you are interested.

fb: http://www.facebook.com/ain.jaf?ref=tn_tnmn

tweet: https://twitter.com/blogger_holic

ask.fm: http://ask.fm/achai

and if you guys want to communicate? im an open minded but please dont be a freaking weird guy. you want to be friend in fb? i will consider it. i hate putting my own fb acc in my blog. i mean by the right or left side.

i am not desperate for anything i just think that you guys already read my blog so maybe, you guys have the right to know who am i.

thanks for reading. love you guys!

Assalamualaikum, kalau jawab sayang, kalau x jawab dosa

Assalamualaikum...
Kalau tak jajwab dosa, kalau jawab sayang <3 I love you guys because you guys read my blog! Just hope you guys follow me! Today i am going to talk about teenager now days. I admit that i am a teenager and i cannot deny that i also always make problems. We as teenagers always want to live like a bird. Want to be free from study and problems and wanna hang out with friends until when ever we want, right? That is the meaning of social people! We are addicted to it. Now we have social network, so ..... yeah we kinda never sleep especially when holidays. That is so true! As we grow up, we start to know person who is not our gender. And we start have feelings, You cannot lie that you never have feelings towards anyone! Don't lie to yourself lah! I mean, then we start to be in love and couple and stuff. Actually, i admit that i had went through it twice and that already enough for me. I can't couple with every boy that i like because i know one day they will break my heart. Couple is fun because we know there is someone that always be by our side and love you but are you sure that, that person will continue to love you until you die? Thats the questions mark.

sorry boys! but usually they are the one broke the hearts. i admit girls also did that but in my case, guys did that to me.

How i solve my problem? I wait for 'my future husband'. Go on, tell me i am crazy but actually i am not! Think! Are you going to go one with you fake love or wait patiently on your true love? If the moment fit for me to be in love, that is the moment he appear. He will find me, one day. And by that day, I can marry already not a teenager but as a woman. I already catch my dream and i already have a great life.

I know as a human we can only plan and only God (Allah) will determine our future. But to gain a great future we must work hard and always pray! That is the recipe of life!

We also can see there is so much social problem going on even in Malaysia. Yeah, the teenagers go so wild because their parents don't teach them properly or did not give them enough love or give too much love. For me, we must always think properly before we act. Why must we destroy ourselves when we know that thing is wrong or will make us something bad? I always wonder that. The way my family is, make me be independent. I try to work myself and find the truth myself. Sometime i know what they don't.

We as teenagers must work hard so that we can reach our dreams! Everyone have a dream. Usually more then one dream. We must work for it. That is why we are living right now!

If you are a Muslim so here is the reason we live:

- serve Allah
- be the leader of the world
- never bow to Setans
- always pray and think of Allah!

I may be someone who have weak Iman but i will try to make it more stronger! Allah never be mad if we have dreams as long as we dream because of Him.

We are teenagers that will rule the earth someday so why must we throw ourselves into the black pit? We have big responsible to take so we must be ready. Repair ourselves before we take the responsible. We cannot be prefect but we can be better. Change is hard but we can try. Failing does not mean forever, as long as we get up!

Maybe you guys might say, i talk a lot! yeah, i do talk so much but actually, im talking to myself because i want to be better. I share this because you guys might need some motivation to change too. Together we change!