ok..let see here.

look like some people already misunderstand about what 'crush' really mean. for me, a crush is like having a happy mood when we see them. i am not obsess or crazy about them. i just want to make myself happy.

falling in love and having a crush is like...so damn different. for me,

first-like to see them (can be anyone)

second-crush (some of the first)

third-starting to know each other AKA friend( one or two or more)

forth-falling in love (one person)

last-officially in love (the same person)

so,that is my chart. now, i have no time for third and so on because i am not ready. being the first and second is normal. i think not only for me but for majority girls.

i think so.

so...don't get it wrong ok. hoping ALL DEAR READERS understand what i'm trying to say. like i said before, being in relationship right now is not a good idea.

so lazy lah...

now i'm happy to live this single life

as you know from the feedback about me. things just getting worst and making me worst too. but the worst thing is actually great! because from those incident i get a change to change. to be more careful. to be someone new.

a leopard cannot change his spot but he can be better. just like me, i cannot change who i am but i can be better. so today i'm thinking...can i really change myself?

now what i'm trying to do:
-be more hard working especially for subject that i'm weak
-controlling my anger
-being active in co-curricular (basketball and debate)
-improving my spelling (starting to read the dictionary)
-being more quiet (kinda impossible)
-want to stay single until the right person arrive
-want to start writing a new story for my lovely blog (like drama)
-want to be more discipline

but can i really achieve this stuff?

question mark there...

guys...my music teacher told us his love story which was just like me. he said, we must be tough and never give up. and he said, the one that dumped him was such a waste. so i take his words to keep me on top. i mean, to throw away my sorrow.

it took a week to really think and decide. after a week (maybe more), i already gave back all the notes that used to be the symbol of loyal, back to izzul. so that mean, our long story already end!

i think he is happy with his new more hot and beautiful girl friend. that's why he dumped the most coolest and one of the clever girl in class. but i don't care. i already think of revenge but...for someone useless like him, nah...he is wasting his time coupling while i spend my time studying so which one is better?

i already had crush on someone else but...i just to stay single for now. couple? maybe not now. still sawing my broken heart. hope you guys get what i'm trying to say.

adios!

im at our lab computer and we have the opportunity to online. i have big news...now im single!!! guess what now he is showing his friend about his new girl friend. ok fine now he think im not here. he is so shit! but never mind i can fine someone better. his attitude is getting worst because i see he already become someone so damn lazy.

so...maybe thats all from me now...

so if you guys want to know how i felt right now. listen to payphone, wide awake and stronger.

boys? relationship?

i don't think so...

i dunno what is wrong with me tonight. i just finish uploading pictures from facebook. then i saw this photo. that photo really making me excited. the truth is, i had a crush on him. its been, i'm not sure since when but kinda.

at class, i can see him from his class's window. sometime i saw him looking outside like thinking. but, he is the type of boy that did not bother about girl. by the time i took his picture, his not angry but he ignore me. the point is, why he did not get mad but he just keep quiet and let me took his picture.

maybe is lazy to say anything.WHY I LIKE HIM:
@ he is so handsome and smart
@ he a genius
@ he play rugby
@ he is a quiet boy and mystery



and this guy. he is so funny but i don't know how to be close with him
i like him because:
@ he is funny
@ creative
@ his eyes when he took off his glasses



this guy is different. i like to see his face because for me he is kinda cute but he is an annoying boy. seriously, he always scold me when we chat.



i also have crush on one of my classmate but that just happen last time. now i more prefer to just be friend because he start to annoy me lately. i dunno what is his problem. i act cool but he keep on irritating me with my ex. its not funny ok.

last time i like him because:
@ his cute face
@ his spirit
@ his attitude
@ how caring he is



this guy right here is someone that is older that me. just one year. i had chat with with a several time. since that im so damn shy to meet him. every time i meet, i'll try to run away.i mean, try to avoid him but sometime my friend will trick me. like one day he was walking passing my class then my friend asked me out then i walk outside. and by that time, we meet eyes and i feel like wanna explode. so i rush inside my class. i dunno why, every time i saw him, i'm like...WAWAWAH!!!

@he is cute
@a soccer player
@ a runner
@ tall but thin



lastly, my ex
i still like him...he is different. other people i like just for fun. to make me excited or to make me happy but him. he is the one make me feel like in the cloud 9 or break my heart. the real feelings.

now...we are just....friend. it is lame to still be friend while you know that it is not comfortable or what ever.

i dont know. i still cannot forget about him. i'm not ready or i still did not meet the one that can replace his place. or i'm not ready. things just so complicated between us. so i decided to step aside and let him decide what's the best for both of us. i'm tired of everything. i 'm tired of crying or missing him. i just want to live a happy single life without any tears.