Assalamualaykum Alhamdulillah

It's been quite sometime. Well, to be honest, i don't know what to post but lately i've been thinking about some stuff. Like the future. I am turning 17 in less than a year. To be specific, 3 months and 7 days.

I will be facing my biggest responsible in school in less than a week. I am not so glad about that too. Hurm, let see. In a week i will be meeting my friends, which is a good news but not very glad about that actually because not all my friends will be glad to meet me.

Ok, lets just skip some things.

I didn't decide yet my collage or university that i want to apply because i am not sure what i want to study.

I have this simple plan. Score for finale then get my car license. Continue my A-Level for 2 years then fly somewhere to get my degree. Maybe i wanna work first for some experiences then continue my master. Then work again. Maybe get married then maybe, just maybe, continue for PHD. Just...maybe.

Thats my simple plan. Which i thought about it. A LOT.

I am not sure what is actually waiting for me ahead but what i am sure i am going to work very damn hard to achieve some of my targets. I don't want to end up being a loser.

To be honest, earning a lot is not my dream. My dream, i wanna travel without limit. Even if it means i earn less. Money is not that important to me because i am sure the experience to look around the earth, all Allah's creations will be damn awesome.

But that is just what i have in mind. We can dream big right?! Without dream people will not go off their limits.

After i had travel as much as i can, i wanna settle down. Take care of my old folks. Be with them until the end. Maybe i am not their favorite child but i .... just to be with them. I want my child to see how we should treat our folks. I want my parents to enjoy their moments with their grandchildren.

I know many challenges awaits i guess i have no choice but to get ready. We should all be ready.

Ready to face failures, tears, hurts, betrayers, liars, poverty, death, bad news.

Without all the rains and lightning, the rainbow will never appear.

That is just life.

Unexpected things will happen so don't be over the moon about future.

Well, i am just here as a reminder. :) Thanks for reading and forgive me if any of my words hurts anyone.

Tbh now i just felt so terrible. Just so sad. So depress.

Things turn out....bad.

My friends are too busy with themselves. I dont have anyone to tap my back or something.

I just need a space. You know, maybe i should start to keep myself away from any connection. Maybe thats for the best.

No tears should be wasted. Just be brave and smile. Shits dont come for nothing. Everything happen for reasons.

Assalamualaykum Alhamdulillah

Everyone deserve to know the truth. Why it happen, bla bla bla. So today i am going to be honest about what i feel and what i have in mind.

Friends

To be honest:

I am lucky to still have friends and people who are willing to be my friends. Friends that listen and friends that still talk to me. Friends that i thought is my friend, or was. That does not matter.

Some of them only seek for me when they are in any trouble or when they wanted someone to listen about their bad days. I have all ears for everyone, not just a person i called as friend. Seniors or juniors, they can talk to me.

But what make me, uneasy with some people are back stabbers and people who talk behind me even i never messed up with their life. Seriously!

Sometime i don't understand them. I tried my hardest to always be there for them but they just .... never see me... I tried to spend the most for them. Seek the opportunity to be with them even i know that i am so busy. But, they just .... never see me. They look at me as someone minor. Not so important. They find reason to push me away. It hurts. Damn it hurt damn bad! I mean it....

What makes it sadder when you girl friends take boys as your priority. Even they always break your heart and whatever... Takut nak berubah sebab laki. Ya Allah... I know that i am not prefect but, do you ever seek Allah? Takut nak berubah sebab takut jadi lebih jahat. If you are sincere want to change, Allah will guide you dear. You just need to sacrifice a little bit. Allah's gift are much more bigger than your sacrifices. Serious!

I can lecture all day long but, do you think you wanna listen? No, right? You are just too stubborn. You never want to open your heart to listen to my advises. Even when you thanked me for all the words, my words only words.

I breaks my heart to see your repeat the same mistake all over again. I know sometime i also do same mistakes but at least, i am trying to NOT do it anymore.

I thanked Allah for open my eyes. I see my true friends. Friends, a lot of friends with many type of personalities. I don't people to prove that they deserve to be my true friend but i can see who really take me as one true friend or just a friend.

In other hand, i hate you people that seek me for help when your friends left you. Then when you gain your friends, you go around telling them bad things about me or group up to go against me. Yeah i said it, i hate it! I hate your attitude not your physical. Attitude can change.

Why? Why all you see is my flaws? I know that all human beings LOVE to JUDGE A LOT. I also judge but i don't go around telling everyone your flaws. What for? For people to hate you?

Listen here, hate me. Go on, brag about my flaws and my past. Because i will and always have Allah on my side. We are too damn small compare to Him. So, go on.

Why i still be nice with you haters? Not because of hypocrite but Allah and Prophet Muhammad never teach me to act badly to people. Sometime i misact, forgive my weakness. Whatever, i am not perfect. Sorry. Know what, i will never be perfect. Far from being a saint and holy.


Study

Deep Down:

I am freaking for next year. I have an important examination that can determine my future for 80%.
SPM is not something that you can play with.

Sometime study kinda ..... worst because i am not someone who have the brains. I will try my best. About study i don't have much to say. Only worries.


Family

Oh, about this should be private and confidential. But i can share some pieces of the story as lessons.

Well, my father puts a lot of pressure under me. Quite stressful but i managed to ignore it. Just do my best.

This year my family had a little conflict about choosing life partner because of my elder siblings. Well, when my father cannot argue much with them he took it off at me. To be honest, i don't think i can choose my own partner in the future. He is so demanding.

My elder siblings, the problem about them is they don't want to listen. They always think they are right because my parents seldom go against them. Even if they argue, my parents will be the one that give up the fight. And even i had a lot in mind, but i know they will never listen.

Because i am too young and leak of experiences. Bla Bla Bla .... Whatever.

What is unfair? What they failed to reach or to be, i am the one who must reach and be it. My options are limited.

What i do? Stay positive and pray for the best. I believe that Allah has a better plan for me. It can be like what they planned or not but what i believe, the best for me. Amin!


Love and Relationships

For me, the truth.... Its too complicated.

But what i can say for sure, everything that i am feeling is not the same like i used to feel. Maybe thats for the best.

I prefer to be negative and over think about it so i don't hope. My hope are far too precious.


Nation Nowadays

In my point of view, i have a lot in mind! especially about minister of education.

Well, i know that i am not an expert about this thing but what i observe, there are just TOO MUCH FLAWS. Holes everywhere.

I can see that PBS, Frog VLE, PT3 and malay languages in important subjects are NOT WORKING and MAKING THINGS WORST.

PBS and PT3: they take study for granted. We can actually see that about 10% of the student take PBS as something serious. Copy cats are everywhere (as usual). And they become shock when they have to take test. I mean, they are comfortable with no test only the end of year, its like a shock. Then they start to be serious but, its kinda too late. Maybe for some who cannot catch up. PBS waste a lot of papers too... I see my juniors simply throw away most of it after the papers being used up. Save our trees!

Frog VLE: I don't see that working so much. I know that they built the system cost millions or billions but they never think that actually not all students will go online just for that thingy. Not all teachers used it too. And one more, not all parents are keen to use technologies. So we left the website to rot and remain untouch. Because we don't see they set of urgency. We are not allowed to bring laptops to school. We seldom enter the computer lab. We used powerpoint in class not Internet. The teachers don't want us to used the computers because they don't want us to use it for other purposes. I also cannot guarantee that they will not browse other website. So, what is the use of it? Whats worst, not everyone is teach to used it properly. They only teach specific people but they never held class or whatever for the other students. So? Is it still working?


Malay language for physic, biology, addmaths, modmath, chemistry

Bad idea! I hope that KPM actually realize that in universities everything is in English. And they changed that language issue to the first batch that learn science and maths in English. I know that not all schools teach in English, but the one that is teaching ....

If everyone get used to Malays, how can they improve they English??

KPM increase Eng period in class. What the... Do you think that is going to help? Are you being serious KPM? During class, we learn adjectives, grammars, essay. Is that all we are going to be learning in Eng during university years? How about all the english term for science and maths. That sound completely different! Its like we are making a U-Turn. Going back to the past.

We are not like all the develop countries like Japan and China that learn everything in their language.

I just don't get it.


What i think:

If the KPM wanna do something new, they should do step by step. They should ask the students for POV. Or do like American's or Japan's education. In America, if you graduate high school, you actually already have your diploma. WOW! While in Malaysia, after SPM, then matriks 2 years, then other 2 or 3 years in university then you get your diploma then only degree. If you get to do your A-Level, 2 years then 3-4 years to get degree then 1 year to get master then continue PHD. Maybe you save about a couple of years.

So, what do you think?

Year 2015

A legendary year. scared about it. And i am preparing for it. To be honest, i hope 2015 will be better than 2014.

My heart hurts. That's all I can feel right now. Just hurt. Rather then screaming and shouting or throwing anything, I prefer to laugh. Strangers will said that I am crazy but who cares what people said right? Because caring too much about all the words, you can never find peace. Its true.

Till now, there are only two person who is not my family member and not even someone I always hang out with and ....the opposite gender too. I met only one of them last year. For a few a few seconds.

Well to be honest, I never felt .....love, I guess, when I was with them. Its not physically but the warm of love, gives me courage and what was worst, hope.. Hope of a fairytale future. We can run from something but we cannot run from something we don't see like, feelings. That thing already stuck inside your soul!

I like that feelings a lot because it taught me the meaning that of life. I learned to be more careful with anyone. Learned to appreciate, loyalty, kind, patient and faith.

Like they say, either they come for lesson or partner.

Of course I got through the damn chapter entitled, THE BROKEN HEART and I had to admit that its a wet chapter but maybe that makes me stronger.

I tried to find someone to replace them or at least someone who is worth in the list but, each one of them failed me. I never talked to any other guy about them because I want them to be special.

The first guy got me admitted that I am actually in love with him and being yourself. The second guy taught me more about sacrifice and he was the reason I realize how jealous I am towards someone. Jealousy. ✌✌✌

Them made me realize that matter how much you love or you care about someone..... No matter how much you want to be with them in the future, if you really want them to be your future you just need to pray for it. Maybe you will be with him but not now. You need to be more patient. Good things come to people who wait! Maybe the future that awaits is better. You'll never know unleasr you wait. Loving someone now does not mean you are meant to be together. Some people prefer to keep on trying. For me, if you keep on trying but you never asked for it, you might need to wait longer. It's like a short kid that wanted to reach out for candy at the highest level of the shelf but that kid never ask for any help. Will he get his candy in a short period or he will never get it all or maybe he will get it if, only if an adult saw him then help him. Which one comes faster? Your choice. You need help. You can't hope on yourself. That's why God exist. Allah. That's my belief.

I am not asking you to change religion to pray but what I am advising is, praying for a better future.

Inshaa Allah. Hope to inspire. Sorry for any of my mistakes.

Assalamualaykum and Alhamdulillah

Today i have this hunch to tell you guys one of my story.

I was picked to be a leader of a group. My got my dormmates and some boys in my team. We must always handle our cafe, well its actually not a cafe, its like a dining hall. Its where we all have our lunch, dinner and supper.

So, if there was anything that involved the dining, i must handle it. Make sure everything is fine.

Most if our events were fine. But some....not really fine.

I mean, i am a girl that had to control 11 boys and 9 girls, my age.  Sometime they disliked taking any orders from me and i actually saw that. Its heartbreaking but, i couldn't just follow my thoughts. What i did best was what i had to do.

There were things that i prefer to do it myself because i hate listening to what they would complaint and whatever. Its just.....annoying. If they hate all these works, they should just quit and find others to replace them. But in the end, they did what i asked them to do. To be honest, the orders were from our teachers.

If i can effort to do it myself, i would do it. I don't like giving orders.

But our last event was a really disaster for me.

There was this girl that hate my decisions. We argued! And most of my friends had sided her. I was so mad! I had so much to do to make sure things but she thought i made all my decisions for fun. I was so stressed and i end up crying.

What surpised me, the people that i called as best friend, did not appeared to tap my back. The people i called as just friends, were the one tapping my back and making sure i was fine.

I prefer to be positive. But, not for long... Things changed drasticly.

That night we had to prepare early and be ready early. I was the last person who left the dining hall but i was the first one who arrived there. My friends were late. Even my dormmates grumbled so much. They complaint so much, its like im deaf or i was not there.

I am thankful that they coorperated but i knew that deep down, they hate me. They didn't understand my responsibilities.

What i kept from them, i actually injured that night. My foot hitted a table. It swallowed. It hurts quite bad but I tried my best to walk as normal as possible.

I could feel the vibes of hate that night. I tried to make sure everyone was fine but they just hate me so much. Even I was too afraid to talk to them.

Yesterday, the swallowed....hurts back. It's just the same feelings.

I hope you guys got some morals from the story. People can changed in just a minute even if they are your best friends. They forgot all the good in you because they were blinded my your darkness. And believe my words, it's not easy to accept that but you learn to do so. Life never stops so you just need to move on.

Some people were blinded by there friends that they don't see how much you care about them.

Always believe that no matter what happen, Allah is always there monitoring you from far away. He listens to every word you said or thought. He know what are you feeling and He understands your struggles.

He is the Best Planner so don't doubt him.

Bad things happen to good people. That's why we are good people because we have patient and we will be more careful next time.

Well people, if anyone read this. Thank you for reading until the end. And forgive me for my grammatical errors and my language.

May Allah bless you.

I don't expect everyone to have the same thoughts.

There are a lot of things that i hope people understand. Among the things are my words.

I talked a lot. Sometime i decided to voice out when people prefer to SHUT UP!

I know, people said, quite does not mean they don't have things to talk about it, they prefer to bla bla bla ... I agreed but sometime i think that its rubbish!

What i think, its only an opinion.

While you have the rights and the time to talk, then do it. Maybe one day you will regret for being in silent. You have the rights to suggest something awesome! Something that others never thought of.

Its like,

You meet this girl. You have the feeling that she can be a great friend, so, you have to approach her! If you don't, maybe one day you will look back at the day you never stand a chance to approach her, and you regret for not trying.

You will regret. Its just a word, 'hey' . Its worth a try.

Ok done with that. How about phones. That usually the reason for a crowd of people being silent.

You are hanging out together but each one of you are too busy scrolling down your TL or whatever. You never bother to talk and laugh with the person IN FRONT OF YOU. You are just to busy with your invincible friends.

You push away reality for dreamland. You can be drift into a fantasy then one day you cannot except reality... It is dangerous because it can led to massive depression.

Its like being to obsess with dramas, comics and whatever that always have a really good story with happy endings. Dude! You are not living in Disney world. When you fall, you will feel pain and it can bleed. Not everyone can sings. Not everything will sings.

Reality can be unfair and cruel. But that two elements that can shape you into a HUMAN BEING. You will be more careful with your decisions, you will not simply believe on someone that easy, you will look for your back. You learn to appreciate your family, your best friends, your luxury life, your house, your LIFE. Because you know how lucky you are. You still have prefect body with complete set of organs and you still have your parents. You have the opportunity to study. Its just too many things to be grateful.

I know about being down. Feel like you want to give up your life. You question faith. You question most of the things because things turn out badly.

Well, life is never flawless. Even the flawless man on earth live a hard life.

If you are totally useless on earth, why God still allows you to live?

There is always reason behind EVERYTHING.

Who can change your faith? YOURSELF

Watch this video. Really inspiring~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7d16CpWp-ok

Assalamualaykum and Alhamdulillah

Since the past days, i had been watching some YouTube videos and i observed something.

Most of the videos that i watched were about Islam. I am not shocked about it because i kinda expect it. What is it? Most of the YouTubers itself are from overseas. I mean, if i search more deeper maybe i will find Malaysians. I know about Matlutfi, Mr The All Shared, Maria Elena and .... Ustaz Don and UAI and i can search for more. But, you know what i mean. Ok, maybe not.

Most of Malaysians are busy doing cover of songs, vines, and whatever. It's up to you to do whatever you want to, right? But, i don't find someone besides the one that i had written, that is actually about my age, a Moslem or Moslemah, are proud to publish Islam to the world. And a Malaysian.

I find one video made by this boy from London asking the men to lower their gazes and women to cover themselves. And, i respect him. I mean, where can i find someone like that in Malaysia? If he or she is truly trying to advise the society in a good way and really working on it, i am sure that he/she will be famous.

I love watching Hijabstalista because they show Islam in other countries. They make us aware that Hijab can be a trending fashion besides following Allah's rules. Right. But, the way they put on their Hijab, not a good way to take as an example. You can follow the fashion or whatever but, please people, be careful with your clothes... Keep away all the tight clothes away. Wear looses clothes. Put on your socks. Allah asked you to cover yourself from head to toe besides your face and your palm. You have the right to either wear Niqab or not.

It can be hard for extra size people but, if you are sincere in following Allah's words, you will try to wear the right clothes.

I am forcing but i am just reminding others.

To be honest, i don't see Islam in my own country. I see in other country. I am not saying i am not proud to be Malaysian but, i just .... felt offended with the culture.

Our prime minister never voice out the urge of upholding your aurat...

I know that i am not a prefect girl, or too young to advise anyone, or i am not your mother or father to advise any of you. But do you actually realize, our Prophet is not our father or brother but he is actually Allah's lover. He is asked to guide us. And in his time, everyone obeyed him in the end. Most of the people even the non Moslem because he was their leader.

Spreading words, daq'wah is actually everyone's job. You MUST remind others.

You can't just follow the the crowd. The crowd is not always right. Follow what is right. Pray to Allah to be in the right path. It is never easy because Jannah is outstanding!

Maybe my words are not inspiring enough. But what i can really advise, if you are seeking for the truth, knowledge about Islam, never give up in seeking in. You will find that Islam is so beautiful! You need to feel in order to see it. By looking with your naked eyes are actually nothing. Feeling. Something that cannot be describe by words.

Kejarlah cinta hakiki. Cintakan Allah. Cintakan Rasulullah. InshaaAllah, kebahagiaan dunia dan akhirat akan menjadi milik mu.

InshaaAllah, if i had done any mistake, please forgive me. I am nothing but just a slave of Allah that is trying to remind others that in the end,

-you only got your useful knowledges, your deeds and prayers of soleh/solehah children that you can bring with you in grave.

-death and qiamat are secret

-dajjal otw

Assalamualaykum and Alhamdulillah

Its the most saddest thing that often occurs in my life this year. I don't blame faith but as a human, i felt so down about it. It cost my tears. I don't expect everyone to experience it but mark my words, you will feel it one day.

Its like, you are giving a hand to someone who is falling but instead of getting up together, that person pull you down and without you realizing it, you are hanging. You are taking that person's place.

Who do call a friend? Someone who always be by your side? A listener? A tutor? Whatever, you can define it yourself. For me, a friend is someone i know and he or she knows me too and sometime we hang out or at least, we talk. But now, i think, i friend is someone that you must have a reason to talk to. You can't randomly get a peep talk with them, you must have at least a topic to talk. Urgh, whatever. I just don't see who is my real friends. Everyone looks the same to me.

Can imagine, the people i randomly talk to is the one that approach me when i cried. The people that i always smile to but i never share a piece of me. While the one that i share my stories, my whole life chapter, only watched me cried. At first, i push it aside, think positively. Maybe they are busy or they just want to let me cold down or whatever that is good. Do they give a damn? Sorry for the harsh word but, do they give a damn? If they do, thanks. Sorry that i doubt you for a second.

The one i keeping the friendship, is me. I accept they flaws but, they throw shits to me. Thanks. Thats what friends are for, right? Give you all the shits.

Sometime, i think, is it wrong being nice? Maybe because of all my friends, they take me away from Allah. From all the prayers. Thats why Allah wants me to see their true colours.

Can you imagine, just a little of my mistakes, they look at me like i am the bad guy. I mean, after all the friendship, after everything, its just so easy for you to throw me away.

Gee, you are just like everyone else.

What broke my heart, when i realize that you don't feel a damn of guilty as you said, you can't be my friend anymore. WTH .... Am i that easy to be thrown away?

I used to think, you should be friends with girls cause boys can be a mess and bla bla bla. Now i think, i better be alone. Don't need a boy or a girl as my friend. I have Allah. Maybe that is enough for now.

How many friends to i have? A lot. How many back stabber you have? Most of my friends. How many true friend you have? Non. Only Allah cause He is always there to listen to my prayers. He never let me down even i had failed him tons of time.

Harsh. Never mind, i'll swallow it. Let me taste the bitter now because i want to taste the sweetness of future.

I know i am not as perfect as Rasulullah. As strong as Sumaiyah. Can fight like Khalid al Walid. So knowledgeable like Sayyidina Ali. But do i need to be like one of them to prove that i am worth a friend?

I never judge who you are to be my friend if you never mess up with people's life. I can be your friend but you are the one pushing me away.

You don't have to be perfect. Follow all the damn shit rules to be my friend as long as you understand that i have my responsibility with all the damn shit rules. You don't have to always back me up when your other friends talk behind me, if you feel sorry for me and try to comfort me, give me some spirit to move on and ignore them, that will be just fine. If you joined them, you are nothing less than them. I just don't understand why you are giving me so many reasons to NOT be my friend while you can find reasons to BE my friend.

I don't expect or want you to understand about being me. But, if you try or if you pretend to try, at least you are actually trying to make me feel good. Isn't that what friends are for? To make each other happy?

I don't expect you to wake me for Qiamulail or to recite the Holy Quran together to be my friend. If you want to, thats called as friend to Jannah.

If you always follow me doing good deeds and remember Allah, if one of us managed to enter Jannah, if it is me, I can pull you out from the Hell. Or vice versa. Isn't that beautiful? Or am i the one that have magical eyes can see how beautiful a friendship means actually?

Can't you see how Allah take a friendship a serious matter? Are your heart too blind to see it?

I am not desperate to be your friend but i don't understand why you HAVE TO betray a friendship for the sweetness of world? I just don't understand.

I failed to guide you to a better path. I am sorry.... I tried. You push me away. I know that i have so many flaws.

Dear my special bae,

i really hope you read this. I love you so so damn much. And not everything is about you. But i just want you to know how hurt i am. I know i can't text you as often as your other friends can. I am sorry if you feel offended.

As for other friends who always give reason to NOT be my friend. Look at the mirror, they are people that have SO MANY reasons to not be with you. Maybe not now, maybe in the future. It can be any of your family member too. Allah have the right way to make you realize it. I am not praying a bad thing for you but, i want you to realize.

I don't need people to surround me or never leave me and always be my by side. Rimas lah. I just need someone who will not betray a friendship. You are free to friend with you ever you want. If i advised you, please listen, if you hate it, then complaint! Don't just shut up and take that as reason to stay away from me. I advised because i care, i love you. If you hate that i care, don't be my friend in the first place. I value my friends.

Maybe our friendship is not like Rasulullah and his friends but, we can take that as an example.

But right now, i don't need a person i can called as a true friend. Because i want to save my heart from any pain. I just need people to support me because of my responsibilities.

Inshaa Allah i will work hard to gain your respects and your supports. I know its never easy, but i know nothing is impossible.

Assalamualaykum and Alhamdulillah

Its jumuah people! And we are given the opportunity to stay alive.

While I was scrolling dowm my timeline. I saw the word, acidgaf then nik qistina. I had been left out about any famous teenagers in Malaysia so I started digged in. And I found out who they were. To be honest I am not surprised at all.

They're the famous teenagers that do vines and have viewers from all over the world. For me, they are pretty and have good voice and know how to make jokes. They dress up like any other urban teenagers that live in the city. They look like 20s.

Based in twitter, people kinda hate them. I mean, dislike them because, well I am not clear of that. I get it that they act kinda... annoying cause they make jokes of something serious. 

Well people, you can't blame them to express their honesty because this is a free country.  You have all the rights to speak or whatever you want to. Its like asking someone to wear hijab but actually its up to them to either accept your opinion or ignore it. Similar to you guys, you guys are using your rights to judge them and complains about their attitudes. 

I don't know you guys so, I should shut up. Right? But I am using my rights to voice out my opinions. If you hate it just browse out.

Its fine to dislike someone's attitude cause that can change but you can't hate them for their appearance and stuff that cannot change. They are also God's creations too. To make it right, its Allah's creations.

We are not so saint ourselves.  We do sins. Even we know that it's wrong. But we still prefer to look at people's mistakes and make them suffer all the tension.

I am not backing up anyone but I want everyone even myself to be aware of our own flaws.

Instead of all the harsh comments, how about we pray for them to change.

Tidak akan sempurna iman seseorang selagi dia tidak mencintai saudaranya seperti mana dia mencintai dirinya.

We live on this earth as one ummah.
I know that its hard to accept some people but its worth a try. If you still can't do it, at least stay away from them and pray for that feelings to rust. We can try it together.

As for the girls, nik qistina and acidgaf, I hope they change one day. I am not forcing or asking it but I pray for their awareness.

Wanita ialah perhiasan dunia. Sebaik baik perhiasan ialah wanita solehah. InshaaAllah

You don't have to hear people saying you're beautiful to be beautiful but if you are beautiful in Allah's eyes then you gain more than people's attention, you gain Allah's attention and protection. Isn't that more important.

If you hate this post so back off. If you got anything to say to me, there's my twitter.

Sorry if anyone felt offended. Adios. Wassalam

Assalamualaykum Alhamdulillah

Yesterday, i was surprised.

Someone told me about Z. Well, i don't know if he is actual Z or his friend. Whatever it is, it is still about Z. It had been months since any news about Z. Not that i had forgot him but i just had to ignore him for my own sake.

I was surprised that he knows about my updates. Well, i don't expect him to care actually. Because i thought he had move on and live his life. Maybe meet with another girl or whatever. I advised myself not to care about him. Because it hurts to be back to the past and remember how it end.

That person told me that he had his own reasons for his actions. I understand that every action that a human acts for reason. I know that i don't know why he did it but i will be positive about it. Since i become more aware about life, i learn to forgive than revenge. Only Allah has the rights to judge a human because He is the Creator. Me? Only a slave. I can't even survive from my own death while Allah lives forever. Infinity. He creates everything. Me? Maybe i can give birth to a human but i am not the one giving that child a soul.

I can list down reasons for always be positive about this.

Maybe its true that Z is only a lesson for me for a better future. Maybe he is not the one and Allah knows that I can never dare to left him except if he turns me down first. Allah knows the best for me. I don't blame the fate. I learn to accept it. Yeah it took a long time to live with it but i believe that it will be worth it.

What i cannot deny is the drama inside me. Just like any other love stories, you still have the feelings. Still missing. Still hope he turns back. Still has an inch of love. Hope. But you learn the words, move on. So, you just walk away but you cannot deny that sometime you do look back. Maybe as lesson or just wanna feel the warm of sweet memories and moments.

Memories are things you cannot touch, thats why it cannot be erase that easy and hard to throw it away no matter how much you wanted it gone.

If Z still care about me, i thanked him. I hope to do the same thing but maybe it wouldn't last long. I do care but, not always. Because i am not there to care. I don't know his problems or his happiness because he is not there to share. I understand that he denies to share. Because i also deny to share too.

Not that i am forcing him. I just wanted him to be clear that actually, i do care about him but nothing is like the past. In spite of whatever, thank you for the care but, you shouldn't do that. I appreciate it. Its nice to actually knows that someone care about me and we never meet, yet. Maybe InshaaAllah we will meet. One day, if Allah allows it to happen. No matter how much i deny to meet you but i am actually looking forward to meet you face to face.

InshaaAllah, i care about you because of Allah. Thank you Z. I hope one day, we will talk back. And i hope you stop care about me. It will hurts you and i never want you to be hurt because of me. I know you are a smart boy and a bright future awaits you. Be a good KR.

Assalamualaykum, Alhamdulillah

Praise to Allah for giving me an opportunity to be back. It had been a month since anything. Well, i dont have the time and device to post anything.

Since the past three weeks,i had to attend 3 camps in a row. And its killing me! I mean, i am tired. But that does not stop me from doing what i have to do. Looking at the bright side, i am more keen to perform my duties as a prefect. Alhamdulillah. Learn a lot. About life, duties, friendship and other things.

And things change... teachers look up to me as someone important. Someone that can hold a big responsible. Well, i never realize that until the last day of school. I know that i am going to lead people but i just dont expect a lot of people.

I know that people hate the rules and the older we are, we want to be free from any rules or whatever that will hold us back. I dont blame that cause i feel it.

But in this universe, we are living in Allah's creations. He created rules to make sure things are in order and nothing is in mess. Everything has its own law. So as human, we need to obey the rules in order to create a better person. Maybe we cant effort to follow everything but at least we try to be better.

Do you ever think why Allah allow human to create rules? Its our own responsible to obey it. Look at Japanese, they obey most of their rules and they become one of the most success country. Its country itself is so clean and you can barely find any rubbish. How can that happen? They obey the rules. Maybe not 100% of the citizen but most of them.

Respensible that i am about to handle is not something that i asked or dream about. But it is a trust from teachers. If i can choose to decline it, i will but it shows that i am too coward to step out from my confort zone. I trust Allah has a better plans for me in the future thats why He allows this to happen. InshaaAllah i will try my best to perform my duties well.

My job is what i will be ask in front of Allah one day. The judgement day. Yeah i am afraid if i fail to answer it well. I dont expect every soul to understand my situation but i am hoping for people to cooperate with me. If you hate me, i am fine with that but do you love yourself? If you do something bad, even in silent, Allah still knows and each and every move and words you speak even if its only thoughts, the angles are writting it as prove of your actions or whatever. Are you not scared of God?

A new division will be form next year, InshaaAllah. I know i have hates and people gonna hate me when i am doing my job.

Rasulullah never give up even he was being treated to death. He never blame Allah for all his challenges. InshaaAllah i will do the same.

I may not be perfect and may not earn your respect but i hope for your cooperation in your grumbles. And i always pray for everyone to taste the sweetness of Iman.

If i do anything wrong, tell me. Hiding it or talk behind me will change nothing. I dont care who you are but i will consider what you will say.

Insan yang sedang menuju kebjalan mujahadah. Sedang berusaha untuk berhijrah. Sedang mencari cahaya petunjuk Illahi. Sedang cuba memaafkan setiap insan setiap hari.
This article is special for people who knows and recognise me at school.

May Allah bless you. InshaaAllah thats all for now.

Btw i just used this Blogger app. And its pretty owesome.

Assalamualaykum, Alhamdulillah

I am so sorry for the long silent. I had my final examinations. Next week I have 3 more subjects. Well, it has been about a month since the last post.

First of all, Alhamdulillah my sister had engaged and all the dates already fixed. Dates for her nikah and her ceremony. The thing is, one of the date clash with my easy addmath camp. I felt guilty for not joining but my parents and my siblings, except my sister, encourage me to join the camp. So, after awhile, I think maybe they are right because I will face a much important examination next year. So, I have to sacrifice.

Next, between Z and Xiu Min with me, nothing, full stop. And I am glad about it even I felt kinda lonely at first but Alhamdulillah with some motivations, I can stand I on my own. My friends are there to support me. And I am not looking forward for any new guy. Now, I am playing around like nothing happen n nothing to worry about except for my examination and the results. My, my...

During last week, I had done something extra ordinary that makes people talk behind me. They say offensive stuff but, chill out! I had done that kinda stuff to people so they have the rights to do the same thing to me. And it is my mistake. The mistake? Playing in the rain. Something like that. Well, I am the prefect, I should put the rules first not go against the rule or join people to go against the rule and show bad attitudes to others. Sorry seniors and juniors for my bad attitudes. I will try my best to be better. Its not easy to tame a tiger. But if you work for it, you can tame it.

Confusion. I used to like this guy and now I am kinda close with him but I take him as friend. Sometime I have the feelings to reveal the truth but, I know that he will never take me serious because he used to all of my jokes and all of my impression usually look like I am joking. Guys, we cannot always be serious, right? But, yeah, that is my problem. So, what I think the best is stay like this. Nothing. If he likes me, one day he will tell me, right? LOL Its like hoping for the moon to talk to you.

Family? Alhamdulillah that problem already solve. My parents are okay with my other siblings. My mum seems less stress. My dad is trying to make connection with us. Alhamdulillah.

Fiends? My best friends, they are not as close as we used to but I am fine. We care about each other in silent. Even we are busy with other stuff we still care about each other.

Motivation?

I had a lot in my mind lately. Future, past. We are not meant to worry about what that already happen or what will happen but worry about what is happening. No matter what happen, the past already death, the future still haven't born, while now is still alive so save it. Do what is right to fix what is happening.

Rasulullah and its friends live with that perception and they had a great life. If they feel like wanna do good things, they do it immediately. They wouldn't delay anything. so, why we should delay things when we can do it straightly. Am I right?

If someone is meant for you, you still meet that person one day when the time is right. Even you already clash with that person now. Your name and his/her name, Allah already wrote in Luh Mahfuz before the universe was created. If you believe in Allah's faith, you live a calm life. There is nothing much to worry about.

Live a positive life. Be worry if you commited sins because think, we don't know when are we meant to die and do you want to die in a condition where you are going against Allah's orders. I am not a prefect human being and even I remind people, I still do mistakes. If you want to wait for a prefect human to remind and advise you, that is not going to happen. Even Rasulullah said to accept advices even from a prostitute if that advices can improve you to be a better person. Something like that.

Not going against rules does not mean you are being 'too nice' but you are actually scared to die in a bad condition. It is okay to be careful. Allah always watches you. You are never alone. Be glad. Inshaa Allah. Wallahualam.

Assalamualykum Alhamdulillah

i am hereby to say how much i sorry for all my wrong beings!

Being annoying

Being irritating

Being rude

Being hate

Whatever bad

We never know when we will die eventually. So, i am preparing about it.

I am forgiving everyone no matter how

Annoying

Irritating

Rude

Bad

Or whatever it is.

Everyone deserve to be forgiven. Even our Prophet always forgives. Allah also always forgives but if the mistake is because we made other people sad, we have to ask for their forgiveness then Allah will forgive us.

I don't expect each and everyone can forgive me that easy if i had made them hurt so badly, but at least i tried to asked for their forgiveness.

I know that maybe i had hurt some innocent souls, but you need to understand that people made mistakes. And maybe hurting you was one of my mistakes. So sorry.

Maybe some readers don't even know me. Never mind, i am sorry for my boring posts or grammatical errors and typo's and whatever.

Just wanna say, SORRY.

I don't expect everyone that read this to understand why we must always say sorry but i do expect that at least they read it. And try to understand my messages.

My mum used to say to me that, giving up a fight is not a thing that you will regret. If you are the one being quiet about it, it is fine. Because if fire fight with fire, everything burns down! Sometime when we are made, we said things that we never mean and then we regret.

Thats why our Prophet said, be silent if you are angry.

Silent does not mean you are weak but it means you are brave. Because you never want things to be worst.

They can say what they want because we cannot tell someone that they don't deserve to talk. It is their rights. But we have the choice to stay silent. Maybe they will counter attack us, saying being silent means being rude. Well, we cannot change people's perception.

I believe that, everyone has things that they wanna fight for and some people have to involve in conflicts in order to fight for it. Fight in a proper way. Talk and discuss about it nicely. It is better than cursing and talk rubbish.

Thats all for today.

Hye awak.

yeah you.

I am speechless for what had happen. FYI only the past keep me going, and do you know how much it hurts? You never care. When you care? When you wanted me gone.

Remember when i was about to left?
You made me feel guilty about it. So i stayed.

Remember when i was so jealous and wanted to be gone?
The you appear with your explanations. I stayed.

Remember when you were gone?
I always remember you. And missing you.
Do you know that? Thats why i am telling you.

I know that you wanted to settle things down, ok im fine with it but i just need to give you some information that i hope you wonder.

Of course i follow your updates.

Of course i was hoping for, at least, one text saying why it happen. But, nothing.

Then you appear, and act like nothing happen. And you started to act like, we are just minor friend. No special bonding or anything. Ok.

I can't describe what i felt because most of it are empty. Nothing left. Only left memories. Yeah, memories.

TBH i already expect something like this to happen. Cause it is impossible for us to stay forever the same right.

Can you do me a favor? Go back to the past and never ever give me any hope cause now you know that you had broke all the hopes.

I am sorry for caring to much about you. Just sorry for everything.

Dont worry. I'll be gone.

Assalamualykum, Alhamdulillah

I am sorry cause i had been busy lately. I got an important examination coming so soon.

Ok, a little down the road.

This guy is a good man. But he is a strict father. Some of his children like to go against him while some prefer to keep quiet. The thing is, the younger children prefer to go silent rather than the older ones.

One day, something happen. The elders fight with the father. The younger child only stay silent but actually she is screaming her heart out...in...the silent...

Fights occur more often that makes that little girl sad and depressed. She wanted to voice out but ... she know that no one will listen.

What will you do if you are in that little girl's place?

Well, i am that little girl ...

I am not expecting any sympathize or anything but, i just wanted to advice to people who are willing to read this.

I am not an old lady or what ever. You can judge me whatever you want.

Firstly, be grateful that your parents are still alive and still provide you foods, shelter and whatever you want.

Then, always imagine you take your parent's place.

Then, no matter how hurt you felt, always apologize to them in the end because we never know that the harsh words can be your last conversation with them.

Lastly, pray to Allah (God) for the best solution.

Having problems and misunderstand among family members are something that used to happen or will happen. What is the best thing to do is, stay in silent. If you wanna voice out, talk nicely... Harsh words are not helping AT ALL. You just need to sit in the same table and talk about it. Discuss.

I know it is complicated when it involved about age and levels or whatever that shows that you are too small to give out anything you wanna say but that does not mean, you don't have the rights.

I know that its hard, but, me, myself are trying to plan to voice out. I just need some support and courage..

Then other thing happen.

To be honest i was hoping for courage but it seems that Allah loves me so much do He give me more challenges.

It looks like, the one i care already careless about me. I am nothing to him. So, now, i am empty about guys.

I know that what happen is for the best. So, i will seek and pray for courage to make the universe agree with me. I wanna make things right.

I dun expect things to be according to what i had planned. But at least it go the right and the best for me.

When the situation becomes unclear and when i become puzzle. I return to our first conversation.



Out great moments. I am sorry for deleting your text. I mean, well, i kept some but after sometime, you disappeared all sudden. I thought about moving on.

I believe in faith. I believe that what Allah plans is for the best.

I care about you. How much? Don't bother asking. Let it be a secret.

I was on cloud nine as you say hey. Seriously. But, it turns out, not quiet like what i was expecting. Never mind.

Honestly, i miss you. So much.

Remember the moments before I admit my feelings. Before Miss D.

Before you phone was taken away.

Remember? If you do remember, that is great!

Well, if you read this or come across, good.

What i want to say, is only between you and me if you want to talk about this. If. Only if.

#Maps #np

Assalamualaykum, Alhamdulillah.

I know that everyone has their own problems. About economy, relationship, family and studies. Whatever it is, its messing around your head. I know how annoying it is.

Well, they say you can't run from any problem. Its true. If you run away, it will appear back. To solve it, you have to face it. Be honest. Speak out. Solve it.

Take a minute or more to pray to Allah. I bet everyone has your own religion and believes so, take some time and pray for your next step. What is right. Have faith.

Human cannot create other human, only God has that kinda power, so, pray to your Creator. There is nothing to shame of.

Everyone has its own dark side, me too. My dark side is so dark until i think that is anyone knows about it, i am doom. That's why, i keep in as my dark side because i am not proud of it.

There are things you can be proud of, and show it to people. Like they say, be yourself. But sometime, for the sake of your own dignity and your family, you have to hide it. Keep it. Be brave to seal it.

All problems have its own solution. Because every lock has its own key.

It takes inspiration, moral supports and hardworking to solve such a problem. Nothing is easy if we don't work for it. Words are only words. Actions can be gestures and people can see the effect. So, which one works?

If you cry like hell, and mumble your problems, maybe at least you feel relieve and more calm. Then, you work it out, find the solution, work for it. The next thing you know, you are actually unlocking your problem with an invincible key. By that time, you're on cloud nine! You will find that all of your efforts paid off.

Saying is easy, but i hope to inspire. I can't say that i have the solution to your problem but i am pursuing you to find THE KEY. Get back to your feet. Wipe your tears. Tears can't solve it.

With the help of the Creator and some other aspect that i had stated, it is not impossible. You need to have patience. Time may be your enemy but as it is done, its done! So, work it out!

Well, there are so much to speak of. What i kept deep down that i don't understand about it myself. How complicated a simple life can be. When you are 16, you learn practically about teenage love. Because in ten years time, you might get married or already married. Whatever can happens, if you are still breathing in that ten years time.

I always think further up because i do something. Sometime, while i was talking, suddenly i shut my mouth because i thought that my next word might hurt or too sensitive. If they really want to know, i will tell them in a good way telling them how i actually do not want to offence them. I mean it.

Having this long distance relationship, looks hard. Now, we are seldom connecting with each other only make things worst. Do i question your loyalty? I do. How can't i because there is a new alphabet that does not makes sense... Your crush? Your ex crush? Or whatever it is. Well, don't mind me, its just NOTHING to me. I am cool. SO cool about it.

I am mad but, *sigh* i don't want you to know it because i know you are dealing with too much problems now. I don't want to be one of your problem. And i just, it is just a hunch in me saying that you need space. Okay.

Sometime i think, i am considering too much.

My sister had a long distance relationship which works for her because that guy never make her jealous and he never felt jealous about my sister even she told him that she had admires.

Me? I am the one feeling too jealous about you. When you never felt jealous of me.

Oh whatever.

Then i see you being hurt by someone else. People know about you and someone else. I see you feeling jealous about someone else.

Am i blind or i misread things. Well, i don't know and i don't have anything to say about it.

Maybe, things did not work for us. Because we are actually nothing. Right?

Do what you think is right.

You know, i am getting used of being betray or broken so when i see what had happen to you i felt sorry then i see about that new alphabet, i am heartless. Seriously.

At first, i was mad because i care. I am puzzle about what i just knew. Then something whisper to me, you already expect something bad right, maybe this is it. Maybe.

So i am heartless. I am getting used to it.

Have you ever wonder how i will feel if i knew about any of it? I am sorry that you had been dealing with so much stuffs lately, alone. It is not because i don't want to be there but, we are just far away. I know you have best friends, your buddies even i don't know them but at least i know you have someone.

I had been dealing so much too, maybe not the same things that you had been through but i know that telling you any of it will only makes you become worried. If you care.

If you are thinking about the same thing, means telling me any of it will only makes me concern them why that i know is not your problem but more about someone else.

Well, i am sorry for being so far away. If you think having scandal or whatever, help you to feel less alone or whatever, then go on. I am not against you. You have your own rights to do what you want. But just for you to know, things will be different. You don't have to worry about me any more. Seriously. I am non of your concern.

We don't quarrel but we offend have misunderstands. And i know that i am the one who is having all of the misunderstanding. So for being someone like this. If being myself burden you, then just walk away and it will never burden you again.

Assalamualaykum Alhamdulillah

Well, its been awhile since anything from me. About one month right?


But i learned a lot. Mostly about friendship. Which leads to trust.

After the holiday, Z and i already getting back as whatever we used to but not as close as we used to. Well,, a lot had happen. Just leave it that way.

Then, i am being drift away from my own best friend. We do not quarrel or anything but, we are kept distance because of we are from different classes and my business. I felt regret for not including here in my routine because i was too busy but now i can see that she is used to it. She understand about how busy i am and now i am trying to understand that she is not close with me as we used to.

Some conflicts happen when you are given the title as a leader of a group. Well, that is what i had to face last week. I am the leader for handling food and beverages for Raya School Celebration. Some of them were not satisfied with their duty. But i managed to take control of it but only Allah understand the flame that burns in my heart! Since that, i am not that friendly with them as i used to. I am can forgive easily but not easily forget.

We had a week of examination. I tried to perform the best. It was, ok....

Before that, i was in Kelantan for FRSIS for about 4 days.

And lately, most students were infected by conjunctivitis . And i was the latest victim. Now i am at home. My eyes are red!

Well, for now, that is my updates. Will update more.

Assalamualaykum, Alhamdulillah

Well, things had been a lot harder since the past few weeks. Now, Allah send me a sickness. But i know that what Allah planned for me is the best so, Inshaa Allah i will be well soon.

Alhamdulillah, thousand of Alhamdulillah. Praise Allah! Allahuakhbar! Gava got their victory in war and politic. The shout outs are everywhere!

In the same time we feel relief and grateful, never forget about increasing your dhua'.

And, the victory of Gaza does not mean you can stop boycott Israel products.

Jewish are known for being genius, that what Allah already warned us in the holy Quran. So, we must be careful. Maybe they will strike but in other way that no one saw it coming.



But still, alhamdulillah. At least now they can rest from all the bombing and gun shots.

Let's pray that Israel will never go against their promises and let Gaza peace.

Be safe dearest brothers and sisters. Allah is always there.

Assalamualaykum, Alhamdulillah.

So, its over. No more Z. Just me. Nothing much to say. Thanks for the people that follow my stories. Today had been such a hell of a day.

Assalamualaykum Alhamdulillah

In a relationship, we have dramas and things always rolls back, either getting back or getting back. I know it is the same thing but, that is always the truth. After the dramas, (sadness, jealousy, whatever) you will find that it is actually deadly hard to let go.

We have heart and soul. I am also a girl. A teenager girl. So, i know how that feels. How suck to be broken. How usual it is to be jealous. But you just can't change it.

When he notice it, you pray that he will try to make it out. I mean, he will try to make things right besides saying sorry all along. Yeah, girls are complicated. We are demanding. That is just the truth. A fact that boys must live with. Boys have two choice, pick the real or fake. Your choice.

They like to ask, why we must care so much or bla bla bla. Cut to the chase. When we care, we care A LOT. If you think you are with a piece of crap, then walk away. Try to find someone better.

If a girl is a crap. She is
:never feel jealous
:never care
:too bossy to control you
:the best actress
:fake
:always want you to cut your friends for her
:the one that confess and leaf you

Well, i can't list more than that cause i have no idea.

I am learning to be honest with every action i take and i will talk the truth.

I am sick of all the dramas. I just wanna be like how i used to be, heartless. And once someone leave me hanging, i put them the last thing to remember.

I want honesty. If you are mad, tell me. If you have problems, tell me. If you wanna leave me, just tell me. I have all the time for your words but, you just never did. How can i trust you?

I used to have this motto of my life. I will fight for someone who fight for me.

Remember when i knew the truth. Then i stop entertain you. Yet you never give up on trying to be back to what we used to have. And now, i am fighting for you but, i don't see your respond or maybe i don't realize.

I feel like, you don't care about me like how you used to do. I don't know the truth. Maybe you care but you don't show it. Well, there are just too much maybe's. And i am sick or each and every maybe's.

You don't have to be with me every time but you must be there when i needed you most.

YOu don't have to tell everyone i am special because if you tell me, even just for once that i am special, between you and me, that is enough to keep me our from jealousy and all the doubts.

I don't see you fighting for me anymore. I think i am not worth the fight anymore. You got me and now you are leaving me hanging. You never care to share cause, i know you keep a lot to yourself lately.

I know i don't have the rights to tell you what to do or care about who you can or cannot be close with, but if you at least tell me about them. Oh, who give a damn right? Well, i do.

Do i have to tell you, like every time that i care about you and how much i do? But you never say it, even once. Oh, wait you did. When was it? Months ago? I think so.

I reconsider so much for you. So much. Being so nice. I did not fake out. If i was jealous, i told you, right? If i was mad, i make you notice it. But do you care to make it right? You just say it but you never did.

If it is true that what we have is something special or maybe at least, is something, why are you acting like ...... (you want the honest word, here it is) shit!

I know i am mad, why i am mad, because i care. I care about you so much.

If what i am doing right now is what you don't want, you want me out from you life or you want me to fight for you?

I just need to know. You just need to say it. Please.

I don't need your pity, just tell me the truth. If all this while, what we have is just a minor friendship and nothing special. Tell me. I can act like we are minor friendship.

I just need the truth. And what happens next, if base on your truth.

Maybe you can lie to me but you can't lie to yourself nor Allah. So, cut to the chase and tell the truth. I hope i am not asking you too much.

Assalamualaykum Alhamdulillah

So ,i was just reading this news about a man sued his wife because she gave birth an ugly daughter. WHAT!! And that judge actually sympathized that man! Are the world is still spinning? Astagfirullah

This is the news.
http://satendarrana.mobilelikez.com/world-news/man-sues-his-wife-for-giving-birth-to-ugly-babies/?uid=satendarrana

Firstly, it is that man's fault because he never made a careful check on his wife's background. They said he married that woman because of her beauty. Oh, such a typical guy!

Then he sued his wife for money and wanted to divorce her. He also stated that he can't even look at HIS OWN DAUGHTER. Typical handsome guy who is rich but never get enough about his money. I mean, seriously... Don't he get suspended to see his wife's family faces or anything?

He is blaming himself for his careless. That woman was pregnant his daughter for 9 months and his next 2 sons but he ... such an animal! I see animals are far kinder!

From the picture, i am guessing the daughter is their second child but why after the third child he wanna sue her. They had a next child after that daughter. Is it because they wanna wait until that daughter is older?

I just don't understand. Am i the one who thinks he is pathetic? *sign*

I just wanna say, appreciate everyone who sacrifice for you. And when you decided to get serious with someone, please, check their backgrounds. See old photos. Ask the family members.

Assalamualaykum Alhamdulillah

So, i was washing the dishes then i got idea about what i wanna tell you guys.

As usual, i was waiting for any text from Z. But i got nothing. So i watched movies. I mean it, a lot of movies. I abandon my homeworks.

I thought about Westerns and Malaysia. What is so different? Well, there are a lots of differences. The weather, culture, and environment.

In tv, westerns usually take their children to sleep at night and always remind they children about how much they love them. Well, in Malaysia, we don't simply say, "mak sayang kamu (mum loves you) " as you walk out for school or whatever, the usual words are, "belajar elok-elok" (learn carefully).

Parenting is different because of backgrounds of the family. Some care, some act like they care and some like to care so much. Which one is great? I don't know. It depends on their skills and rules.

Usually the rich one will control their children, so, the kids either a social person or a mouse. Well, that happens globally, right?

Back to the differences. Culture! We have many religions and racists. In western, it either black and white or asian. While here, we have everything! Black, white, orange or whatever. Name it. And we learn to respect each other, well, that is what the government and schools are teaching since we are kids. I enjoy being surround by many types of people. I really do. But i hate it when some people like to be so racist! I mean, seriously! We are living in the same country with the same rules and regulations.

Being born as black or white or whatever is not our choice but being someone picky and racist is our choice. Which is not a good choice. Everyone demands to be tread equally but actually they want to have their own benefits. I mean, they just want benefits. Selfish.

Ok, back to the topic. Weather, in Malaysia, only sunlight or rain. We don't have summer, spring, snow or the other one. I forgot. Sorry. Maybe that's why tourist loves to visit Malaysia cause it is always hot. I mean not so hot but, still ok.

We don't have volcanos or tornados. Alhamdulillah. But sometime i wish for snow even i know it will be freaking freezing.

I was in England before snow and, honestly, it took me days to actually thinks that the temperature was not too cold. My roommate and I needed an extra heater for our room. How funny was that because it was about a month before snow, still a long way.

Toilet! In Malaysia, we have pipes and not tissues. Sometime we have both. When i was in England, i was freaking out because there was not water! But i managed to survive. I get used to tissues then. But, i still prefer to bring along an empty mineral bottle with me. I know it was embarrassing but i am just speaking the truth. You can imagine how shocked i was back there.

Our houses. The design is different. Maybe because of the weather. Because we only used heater for heating the water for shower not for the entire house. We don't experience snow and we don't have much earthquake. We seldom have it. So it is design simple. But base on culture, we have lots of design. For me, beside Malaysia, we can you find a 'kampung' house?

Well, i thinks, that is that. Yeah, maybe i will be posting about The Fault in Our Stars soon because i have watched it. :) See you guys soon.

Assalamualaikum Alhamdulillah

Here is special for Zach. Precious Z.

You guys can see that my tweet handle is Precious Z. It is because i care about someone i called as Z. So much. Maybe too much. LOL

After what happen between me and Nico last time, i never believe that in this young age i will totally like someone as much as i did. This time, no that much but a level of it. You know what i mean.

I am heartless sometime about it. Sometime i take it seriously and emotionally. Sometime, i just let it slip away. Sometime, i just wanna be in a serious relationship. Wow! I just said it. But, i don't. It was just my lunatic mind thinking about that crazy stuff.

I don't know why but every time a long holiday, i will tend to get so jealous towards Z and Miss D. Seriously.

Want me to be honest? Here we go.

She do not bring her phone to school so Z and me at school usually are close. We text and call. At home, not much.

I don't have smartphone so, i don't have all the ws, ig or whatever. No because i don't wanna have one but because my parents know it will distract me so they don't allow me to have one. While Miss D has it all, so, as long as they have Internet, the connection is just fine.

Ok fine i can accept that. Less jealous.

Then, i am a stalker. So, i know that they communicate each other so often. And i hate to admit it but i can see how much in love Miss D towards Z. Of coarse she will never admit it but she had admitted it once last time. Ya Allah, why is it too hard to get over wit it.

I don't know why but i think Z is feeling the same way but, with me he never admit.

I am being honest here.

I wanna let him go but he just never understand why i wanna do so. Its not because of me. Its because of him. For the sake of Miss D.

I just know him, about a year and something while Miss D know him since they were small. Their parents know each other.

And about the 'fake' relay. Well, im not blind. Such a good actors guys.

I have no rights to tell him about who he can be friends with or not because i am nobody to him. I mean, seriously, i just don't have the rights.

I wanna tell him how much i am jealous but, i think he know about my jealousy but, i don't know if he realize that I AM JEALOUS NOW!

When i have the urge to say it, then i think back, does this shows how desperate i am? Shows how control i am? If he accept all my advise, i will be the reason for him being away from his childhood friend. I don't want any of that.

I don't know if im worth it. Because im really not that prefect. Yuna I Want You Back //

Dear Z, I want you to be my special someone but i just can't because i know someone that likes you is close with you. I don't know if i misread. Or if i think too much. But, its kinda obvious. I don't want to lose you but in the same time i don't have the courage to take you in the first place.

I don't know what means by 'love' and i think i am too young to think about something so big.

Maybe what you have with me is actually nothing compare to what you have with Miss D. I don't wanna spoil it. And i don't wanna be a part of it.

You guys seems close and suitable together.

I am not asking you to choose sides because, i just don't want.

I learn about 'backing off' means.

Assalamualaykum Alhamdulillah

Now is fasting month. I am grateful of it because it prevents me from acting all crazy. Say all the hurtful words. Ignore people's feelings. Stop me from being too negative and start to be more positive.

During fasting month, Allah, Himself is giving us all the rezeki. Allah opens the heaven's door. Allah close and lock away all the demons in the hell. Allah give so much rewards to us for any deed. Everything Allah double, triple it.

Yet. People still forgot to be thankful.

Rasulullah once said, fasting people will be happy when iftar and if she/he gets Quran.

Despite all the mess i've been, i prefer to Quran for calmness. Take away all the hate feelings. Remind myself how humble we should be towards Allah's fate. Allah already planned the best for us. No one can change its fate accept if they work hard to do so. Inshaa Allah.

It is great that most people is thankful of what they got. But do they realize that actually its not what Allah granted.

It is difficult to always do the right thing. It is never easy to be a people that never do any sin. But never regret once to try to be one. Try to be a better person.

I felt betrayed more than once yet im still standing on my feet. As long as Allah is right on my side, there is nothing to worry about.

Inshaa Allah.

Assalamualaykum Alhamdulillah

Ramadhan is here! Now is the forth day of fasting! ALhamdulillah I am enjoying the fasting month. Even i have not break fast with my family yet but Inshaa Allah i am looking forward this Friday.

Well, it is better to know the truth rather than being lie all along. Sometime we try to be someone prefect and someone that everyone will look up to. But things just never work out as plan. They see our flaws and talk about it. But you do not know about any of it until one day your friend break it to you.

It is frustrating to receive 2 bad news in a day. You know that you had been betrayed by your own friend and you a 'new name' you got stuck with.

It is a story that you hope never exist in your life chapter. A gloomy day. It took a lot to actually get over it in one day. Some supports and reminder. Reminder of Ramadhan. Reminder about fasting. Then you stand up.

Put on the mask my friend. Just get over it for a day. Take that night to release everything. Never look back. Its hurting your soul. Its hurting your thoughts. All bad thoughts. Just remember, we are human and we made mistakes. No one is prefect. Just just need to try to be better that is enough.

By this time you will realize who is your friend and who is your rival. You care and who act like they care. Well, we don't need an actor in our life. We are the character that need to be the best actor! We need to be alive in own story.

Every morning is a new start in our life. It is a new chapter of life. Life will never stop until the day we die. Even after we die, we still have our afterlife story. Heaven or hell. Life is always about choice. It is up to you to choose. So make a better choice.

Istikharah. Prayers. Inshaa Allah a better future.

In life you will fall no matter how high you jump. It is just about how much time you take to be back on your feet to jump back. Time. Time. Time.

Why do you need to argue what had happen? You can't erase any of your history. It will stay put in you memory box. Forever~ So live with you life happily because it will end sooner than you expected. Life is just too short to stay sad all along.

Now is only teenager years. We just need to learn and learn to be a better person filled with knowledge.

Look back all the error and mistakes that you had done. Than so a correction. Improve your life. Be smart.

Assalamualykum, Alhamdulillah

Here i am again in this room. Fill with dramas of life. Being a teenager is enough. I mean, I am happy that i am still young and I am living it even...there are so much drama happening.

Sport day is just a round the corner and i am ..... injured because of triple jump. Well, i never expect that could happen but, yeah, it happen. And i told the person that i hope he care but it looks like i am wrong. Nothing about me worries him. Ok am used to that.

Life can be a sad place for you if you never want to learn to accept things that is happening around you. Yeah that inspire me to love all the flaws i am having. What do you expect in the first place? There is nothing you call as a life if it is full with ONLY rainbows and sunshine! I mean, in some part of it, there will be dark clouds that cover it. They say every silver cloud have its silver line, right?

Being injured is like a wake up call for me. To see who cares about me.

But, we can never expect the people we thought never care actually care more about us but they just never show. Never judge a book by its cover.

For me, 'don't know' is not my thing. I prefer to know things that i wanna know. I mean, being 'don't know' is... disappointing. Seriously..

Well, its life.

Hurm...let see. Lately, i've been thinking about my future A LOT.

And it will be in a whole new article that i don't have to tell how sad i am feeling right? Well, as long as Allah is still with me, there is nothing to be sad of.

Chin Up!!

Assalamualaykum, Alhamdulillah

Hey Hey its my first post in school! yeah! I am excited too!!

Well, many things had been going on in just a few days. You know, people change, people always forget. Promises. Everything left as words only.

I had got my grades and it was nightmare!! Seriously, I feel like i never study for the passed examination but i did studied. But what can you do, what you give is what you get. Means, i didn't gave mush last time. I do have some improvement but, not much.

Things become different after the last two weeks ago. Me and Xiu Min..... Everything is just.. dot dot dot.

Just forget it...It is not important.

Now, i am facing a new challenge in life. A feeling. Betrayer. Feel like being stab from behind AKA back stabber. A friend. Someone you used to trust. Someone that you share you life. Apart of you are hanging inside of that particular person. You just feel, sad. Like wanna scream! But you can't because you know nobody is listening to you. You just can sit down. Try to relax. Keep on trying you best to stay positive but, at last you just can't handle it anymore. You just don't have the strength.

Then..old memories...yeah they become the reason you keep on being strong and be inspire. The old times. Everything that you keep so sweet. Even after awhile you feel bitter but you still wanna find the bit of sweetness. Yeah, that is just life.

No matter how much you try to keep it away but it will still come back and give a big impact in your life.

Everything that come will go. It is just up to someone to really let it go.

yeah people! JUST TRY YOU BEST TO FIND THINGS THAT INSPIRE YOU TO STAY ALIVE!! Seriously.

Having Allah is enough but you are living with human so, try to be nice with the rest.

#FaultInOurStars #TroyeSivan

Assalamualaykum Alhamdulillah

Salam Nisfu Sya'aban

For tonight i am thinking about Maria Elena. Throwback the old article that makes many people view my blog. By that old time, my language was so mess up, Alhamdulillah now, maybe better.

Ok, as everyone know that Maria Elena already married about a couple years ago. Now she already had a baby girl! Her name is Nadrah if im not mistaken. She is damn cute! Seriously. I'll give a picture.

Here is her blog. You guys can see everything that she post!
http://peliks.blogspot.com/

She is still with her lovely husband!

She has her online shop. Selling clothes and stuff. She also always publish some new stuff in her blog. She is not really active in her blogging and she already quit vlogging because she is a very busy woman~ I get that. I mean she has a baby to take care of and she still completing her Masters.

She already change, for me, from a teenager into a mum. Well, its a big deal for me. You see, we always watch a kid grow up, now its happening! We are growing up! And watching people change, really, scares me. The future.

We see our friends passed away.. We get married and pregnant. And now, we are currently an adult! How fast time flies..

Eh, back to Maria. I admire her because i see her just like me. Both of us are urban kids that grow up with different surrounding. We don't have much religion thingy in out family. But after some advises and after seeking for some new knowledge, both of us realize something. We realize that religion is something that we must too forward not something that we should play.

Alhamdulillah Kak Mars inspire me to seek for more knowledge in religion. Our religion, Islam.

She had been through a lot that i don't know much but i do know that, it taught her about life. About growing up and be a better woman.

She inspire me a lot! That i dunno how to express it with words! Yeah i am excited talking about her.

Now, i don't have much to talk.

Here some photos.



After a long relationship, it work out and turn out great as a soul mate!



Nadrah~ With kak Mars~

Maybe that's why my twitter username is shining mars. Actually it stand for Mardiah. But, who cares right. Thank you for reading. Hope to inspire.

Assalamualaykum. Hey there! My name is Mardina. I am an urban teenager that know nothing about minors lifestyle. Yeah i know that sound arrogant but at least i am being honest here~

Here out about the story of my life. Yupe, i hope to inspire. Maybe give you guys second thought about being 'too urban'.

I live in city for as long as i can remember. I grow up with all kind of wealth. I don't know the feeling of being poor. I am a Moslem but i grow up with Westerner lifestyle. I know nothing about sholat, Quran and sunnah. I have no idea about literally EVERYTHING about my own religion.

I live with my mum,dad and a brother. He is about, 10 years older than me.

On weekends we go shopping. I always see beggars outside the mall but my mum nor dad never hand any dollar to them.

Every Friday, i always see the mosque is always pack with all the guys and everyday i always heard a call for prayers but i never know what religion it is. How sad i life was back there. I never see my family members pray. Once i asked my mum, why she is wearing the hijjab, she said it is for fashion.

My parents never mind if my brother bring any girl into his room. They never mind if i take any boys into my room. At first, they kinda mind but when i aged 16, they don't care about it. I got my first kiss during my 15th birthday. But i was so scared of sex. Honestly. It is just too nasty. But in the late 17, i did it. Yupe, i regret that very moment as i wake up the next day. Because that day i was too drunk.

It continue until i get study aboard.

As i registered, someone tap my shoulder. Her name is Balqis. She was so excited to see me. So i respond with a smile. She said that she is my roommate. She is the best roommate ever. We made rules together, but she only have one rule, do not bring any boys into our room. At first i thought she is being ridiculous about it but i agreed.

As you guys can guess well, she is the reason i realize about being a true Moslem.

Everyday i see her praying, recite the Holy Quran and she plays all the zikir and the du'a. I feel so calm and protected. One day, she asked my full name. I said, Mardina binti Jamal. She was shocked to know that my name had 'binti' in my name. Then she cried and hugged me. I was so confuse that time. She apologize so much about why she never notice about it before. It made me felt more confused. I said that it's no biggie.

Then she looked at me in the eye and said, are you a Moslem? I just shocked my head. Then she said, do you practice your religion, our religion? I told her that i don't understand what she mean.

She explain to me about being a Moslem. She practically told me EVERYTHING that i need to know. Subhanallah. It was a wake up call. I never know about any of it.

Alhamdulillah, Allah loves me so He send Balqis to take me by my hand to the right path of life.

At first, it was hard. I mean, so hard! I must stop taking alcohol, quit smoking, no more touching guys, and etc. But Balqis never give up, she keep on giving me spirits. I lost ALL OF MY FRIENDS because i stop partying and hanging out with them. I only have Balqis. I cried a lot. I thought God was being unfair because making my life miserable. I gave up and there is one time i thought of killing myself. true story but, Balqis stopped me before i could stab myself and i got her wounded. That was the time i realize how she is not giving up on me. And that was the time, i don't want to give up on myself.

Balqis set me with new friend. People who are willing to guide me even i am dirty before this. They never judge me. They are patient about me. They teach me many new things. I feel to bless. By that time, i can feel the sweetness of Iman.

I start to wear Hijjab. Balqis said, i can start to make changes one by one as long as i keep it on.

We sholat together, she teach me how to read Quran, she always tell me about all the Sunnah that she know and tell me stories about Rasulullah and the Prophet before.

As i when back home, i family was so shocked about my changes. Long story short, i started to bring my family into the right path too. Alhamdulillah even it is not easy but at least i managed to make them join me. There was a point where my family wanted to throw me out of the family because they say, i am being hypocrite and stuff. You know what i mean. Let me give an d example, i used to join my dad drink, now, i refuse that tell them that is a big sin. They felt humiliated. I always remind them that it is not too late to change.

Yeah, it is not too late to change people.

It is hard to be nice, different. But Allah already said, different people is the lucky one. Why we need to fell ashamed about being a Moslem? It is the purest religion.. It cover every aspect of our life. It is the most complete and oldest religion. Adam and Eve were Moslems. But by that time it was not called as Islam yet. Maybe there was another name for that.

Why we need to doubt when there is so much proof that Islam is a true religion. We are not offending any other religion, but it is up to one's to choose. Islam is not a force religion. Maybe there are many things that we need to obey but if that is for our own benefit so, i don't see that as a harm.

Oh sorry, continue to my stories. It took years to convince them about Islam.

There is always a moment that they wanna give up and they wanna quit being a Moslem, That time, i felt do hopeless. That night, i dreamed a guy approach me and told me not to give up and smile before i woke up. Alhamdulillah i did not give up. I recite suroh taubah and i never realize that my reading actually touched my family's heart. that was the beginning of them in the right path. I was so happy that i thanked Allah for giving them a chance.

Now, here i am with my family. My brother got married with Balqis, i never thought that could happen at first but they said it was love at first sight. I am happy for them even it is weird to have Balqis as your sister in law. Hurm, but at least i know that my brother is under a good care.

I am still searching for myself.

Balqis and I graduated in the same here but different coarse. Here we are. Alhamdulillah, in the right path.

They say, no pain, no gain, right? To taste the sweetness our Iman you have to taste the sour of life.

This world is a prison for Sholeh people but heaven for non Moslems.

I had faced the live as a blind heart people, i know how hard it is to change. I felt it. But, Alhamdulillah i managed to change. I am still improving myself. Just like others.

I am telling my story to inspire. I hope i do inspire any soul that is reading.

Assalamualaykum, forgive me if anyone felt offended with this story. May Allah bless you guys. With that i end today's article.

Remember, there is still a light of hope in each and every of your soul. Who search for it, will see how beautiful life is. You just need to find it. Nothing come by itself.

Assalamualaykum, Alhamdulillah
We as students, always find that home works and studying is a burden. Sometime we take teachers' advises as jokes. Sometime we ignore the need to study. We never realize how lucky we are to still have teachers that are willing to teach us. We still have school to go. We don't have to bring guns to school. We don't have to face fears if we want to go out to school.

We forget that actually we are also in war. War with our 'needs' of want a freedom. War with bad attitudes like being lazy and doing dumb things that surely can damage your future. Our sisters and brothers our there is fighting a real war. Here, we raise our hands for selfies and dancing. Our sisters are raising their hands with guns.



We complaint about so many things. Food, television shows, and etc. There is just too much complaints and too much judgement until, me, the one listening get fed up. Yeah, i do complaint about stuff but not about everything. When they say, if you think you are unlucky, think twice. Say Alhamdulillah before you start to blabber about how 'unlucky' you are.

You see, if you are complaining about food, remember there is about millions of African who is starving like now.



If you complaint about having a sickness, remember that there are cancer patients out there that is waiting to die because no hope of recovering.

If you complaint about study, remember that there are many teenagers that cannot afford to go to school to study like us. So, be grateful.

Is it too hard? It is not about the hardness but it is about how lazy we are to feel the grateful.

If you see the news today, the world is having serious issues about economy, politics and criminals. But we are lucky that we are not effected. We are lucky to still have the leisure time to online and update our social networks. We can pray peacefully with hearing any bomb attacks. We have clean water. We have almost everything that we need to feel comfortable with life.

But, we as human, never feel satisfied with our life. We always want more. More. More!

A luxury lifestyle. Branded clothes. New things. New gadgets.

Together we face the truth, it is actually pointless. We cannot bring all those stuff with us in the end. Everything is left on earth. When we die, we are going to be question about our life. Each and everything that we do and say, even what we though is written as prove to Allah. Prove to every prospect of your life. What you had spend your time for. By that time, you can't lie. No one can save you. Nothing can help you except yourself.

How do i help myself?

Starting from now, help yourself to prepare the afterlife. Yeah, there is afterlife. I always believe the afterlife exist. The afterlife is infinity. What you are doing now is what you will be reward or punish in the afterlife. Are you not afraid? Google up what is the punishment for the sins that you actually realize that you did.


I am not here to say about being a saint or satan. I am not here to say that i am a prefect person. I am here as a reminder. We, as long as we are Moslems, not crazy and can think straight, you are a 'pendakwah'. I am not sure of the English word but i do know it means, a reminder. Remind people to Allah. His Powers. His promises. His Prophet.

Inshaa Allah I hope to inspire. Wasalam.