Assalamualaykum, hi!
I was writing a short story, like a whole story in one post but i got too caught up in my own emotions about the main character so i decided to not finish it. LOL
I just browsed on some old pictures during school, which was 5 years ago. This is based on true events and my own experience. I dont know if this is fun for yall but this is my side of story.
I got in boarding school in 2011 which here in Malaysia form 1 where you start your high school. Our high school education is not top notch like in US, UK or any western side, generally our high school is not diploma education. From what I KNOW, based on dramas and movies I watched, most western countries, graduating high school means you get a diploma. Enough of that.
Here, we have different types of boarding schools. Here is generally:
Religious = SMKA
SBP = Government 'Elite' school . (My kind of school)
MRSM = Half gov, half public sector
Asrama harian = Government school where you have hostel to live, some schools are optional to stay in hostel, some mandatory to stay in hostel
This is generally. I dont know anything about private schools, let along their education system or what so ever. Even in Malaysia, they didn't have any dramas involving rich kids in school like ELITE. SO far.
In SBP we have a few types,
The mixed schools, both genders.
One gender schools, boys only or girls only.
The religious ones, SBPI (Integrasi). Here learning Arab is mandatory. Yet SBPI dont have one gender type.
My point is, you meet a lot of people in SBP events. I could dedicate a whole new post about SBP itself tho. Enough for it now.
My school is the general type of school.
When i was in form 1, i got offered to enter PRS which is the society where the students are selected to help others and with the events (registration day, parenting day etc etc). Other students dont hate them. They are the cool people. I declined because I choose to be in the cyber unit so that i could have access to the computer lab whenever other students dont, wayyyy cooler. Girls were not known in that society, so we were the minority. Which was also great because we dont have to joined most of the events as it would be crowded with boys. It was only 4 girls, 2 seniors and 2 juniors (me n my friend).
I was living a good life until i finished my lower form, which is form 1 to form 3. I aced my PMR and I got offered as a prefect. Back then, I didnt have much choice because they were not enough people. I was kinda expected that actually. We didnt have interviews because they really needed members from our batch. Like, you know each batch must at least have this number so that they will have enough people to replace those seniors and hold some important positions in school.
When i first got here, i looked up and i saw the boards. A few categories actually. We have top students, head girl, head boy, the athlete of the year, what house wins sport day and more. I wanted my name to be up there someday. I wanted to be the athlete but as years went by, I knew it was impossible. When i had my opportunity to be prefect which one day they will choose a person from us to be the head girl, I knew i could work on that!
I became prefect for the next 2 years of my life. I knew people would hate me but at least it was because i was responsible. I also knew that any tiny or big mistakes will cause more hate on me but i'm still human. I'm not a God or a perfect student model. What i didnt knew was how much hate i actually will receive and how it cost my dream.
I worked hard. I volunteered when no one wants it. Sometime they conducted events on the weekends so students even the prefects wanted to go home or go outing (go to the city to enjoy your weekend). I sacrificed that. I knew my teachers didnt really noticed me even i volunteered almost everything. I didn't have much friends but what i had was enough. I worked when no one wants to do those duties. Even some colleges didn't liked me because I was too strict.
Now, I think I do missed those duties sometime. The privilege to work behind the stage. The privilege to enter where not all students could enter. Visited some other schools.
Even in form 4, there was a few events where they sent their future head girl and boy. This camp was to nurture the future leaders. I didnt even know about them until suddenly my friends came back. I asked what they had learned, some of them didnt even paid any attention and slept during those seminars. It was such a waste to send those people. They didnt even showed how interest in being a leader while i was dying to be one. I tried my best on my duties. Being on time and idk why i wasted so much energy just so people even teachers didnt appreciated me
Idk who arranged and choose people to be in separated divisions, I got food and beverages. I was in charge for anything related to food. My main duty was any important events which would be held in our dining hall. While doing my work, one day i had friends against me. At one point I reached my limit and ran away. I cried and that day, not even my best friends came to see how i was doing. Funny huh? I still hate that person who started the rebellion against me. Even now. Such a hypocrite.
In the end of the year 2014, we had a leadership camp for prefects. I thought to myself, this is the time I SHINE! I needed the spotlight because i deserve it after so many hard work and being invisible. This is the time people could actually see my hard work.
I volunteered to speak up. I spoke the loudest. I spoke my ideas for next year, the most important year. I had some critiques about here and there. Sure, I'm open as an open book. The last week before long holidays, my teacher announced future leaders, like who will hold the important position in school like the head girl, head boy, secretary, house leaders and more. I FINALLY GOT IT GUYS. I DID IT. I GOT TO BE THE HEAD GIRL. I WAS SO HAPPY. I WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY. I FINALLY DID IT. The results should be a secret but, im just gonna say it here, the 'future head boy' told everyone.
The next year, im not the head girl.
Funny right? How the fuck it happened? *typing while crying, I AM ACTUALLY CRYING REMEMBERING THIS*
During the holidays, someone posted this. I finally, after 5 years, posted this in public.
Let me translate it for you, if you dont understand malays. I know some of my audience here are english people.
*it was a picture of me and 2 friends, one of them hated me more than idk what, but she was among the college that hated me* I cant show you the picture but if you are reading it, of course i got this.
She said, the hater
" Here i am with future head girl and future head girl for sigma. Pehh pehh (an expression for wow) you think it was easy for me to get picture with them? Hahahaha., btw goodluck and i hope you have strong heart (idk any better translation) to fight us, we'll see, who gives the order around, hahahaha. Clubbers (its the gang's name) lets reunite ( i know she had some grammar mistake there). Choii (like an expression of trying to be funny) hahaha, there is serious in this joke. (like where?)
Im with the rebellion.
p/s: during this holiday, ainul (me) go to seminars to increase your mental and physical strength and dont forget to change the way you speak, how could people respect you if as you open your mouth, people already hate, okbye"
Basically she tried to blackmail me but she blocked me. I didnt get the message directly from her, i got it from a friend. I told my teacher about it and their solution breaks my fucking heart.
Why she became prefect in the first place? My teacher though it was a good idea to get a few problematic students to be prefect so that they will obey the rules better. I guess that didn't happened tho.
As we got back 2015, my teacher asked to meet for a meeting. She said, write down who you think should get the positions. We had our own list. I asked my teacher, how about my issues, she said she will talk with the other teachers. She decided to give me the second head girl.... She said, 'we should consider what your friends have to say'........
It broke me. Everyday i think of this day, i will eventually cry.
I worked my ass off just to get those teachers sided with my haters. It was so unfair. My teachers didnt even see how much i worked for it at all. All they see was what was convenience. It will just be easy in that way. They never asked for my opinion. How i felt about it. Non of my opinions were being considered.
The snitch? Oh he still got his position as head boy. Living even a better life now. Good for him tho.
Since that day, I gave up. I didnt do any of my duties properly. I still did it tho. Just not as strictly as i wanted too. The head girl? She was on fire for the first few weeks than she couldn't handle the hate so she gave up even not half way through the year. I didn't blamed her at all. She never wanted that position and people placed her there because she, no offence, easy to be break.
My 'friends' knew if i got that position, they were doomed. They knew how strict i was and will be. I didnt boss around if you think i was. You know what, i dont care what you think of me. Im just a bad guy because i didnt allow you to break the rules. I did gave some exceptional when i knew it was not harmful.
Yet, you see, the joke of that year, the NEEDED SOMEONE STRICT. THEY FUCKING NEEDED SOMEONE TO DO THE DIRTY JOBS.
I was the strictest among my friends so most students were afraid of me. Those juniors know what im talking about.
When they have problems with their juniors, they called me to 'handle' them. Is it funny? They didnt even bother to tell the head girl.
Being the 2nd head girl, you could work as hard as you could but in the end no one will remember you. No one appreciates you. That was why i just gave up. Why bother fulfilling your duties, get more hate just to get nothing in return. You think teachers nothing me, no. Maybe just as other ordinary student. I was nothing special except a bit good in english than others. No one even remember i was the 2nd head girl.
This event totally got me. Since that, I never joined any society especially if it involve leadership. I know what im capable off but i just knew that it was not worth it. My blood and sweat will not be appreciated. I could try but what for, i have had enough of it.
It did affect my confident. I even lost friends during those time. I have no one to turn to for quite sometime.
You see, I had a boyfriend in the middle of 2015 which at that time, people looked me like shit. I got double shits. When everybody left me, i turned completely to him. Even a few friends asked me to break up with him because it was 'unholy' to be in relationship. Let me make it clear, we didn't date during school only went out after we had finish school for good. I studied with him and I 100% study while sometime he played around which i ignored. YOu can believe me or not, idc.
It was my dark ages.
I need to vent it out. I know i shouldn't be dwelling in the past but tell me straight to my face, if it happens to you, will you move on 100%?
Will you not looked back and see those who took away your mark that you should had left in school but cannot.
The pain they gave me. The hate they gave me.
I could never.
I have no one to relate too.
Alhamdulillah i live better now. I have better friends. I have better environment even some dramas but nothing as worst as those days. InshaaAllah in next year i will be graduating as a pharmacist. Hopefully by then. i could totally move on 100% with my life. I needed people especially who knew me back then know how much it affects me. How much it hurts me? In general, how shitty and not cool it was to do so.
I hate bullies.
One thing for sure, karma is a bad ass bitch. If you don't get what you did to people, i bet someday your children will experience the same. So, take care of your family. Take good care each and every one of them.
I may have forgive most of you but i will never forget. The pain was real. What you took away from me was real. I could never get that back. I could never redeem myself back there. As much as you didn't asked for forgiveness even in the end of the year. Some of yall live a good life, i see that. I'm glad the karma skips you. Or maybe not. Idk
I'm not God. I dont put curse on people, you do it on yourself. SO always be careful on your actions. YOu dont want karma catching your family.
I was writing a short story, like a whole story in one post but i got too caught up in my own emotions about the main character so i decided to not finish it. LOL
I just browsed on some old pictures during school, which was 5 years ago. This is based on true events and my own experience. I dont know if this is fun for yall but this is my side of story.
I got in boarding school in 2011 which here in Malaysia form 1 where you start your high school. Our high school education is not top notch like in US, UK or any western side, generally our high school is not diploma education. From what I KNOW, based on dramas and movies I watched, most western countries, graduating high school means you get a diploma. Enough of that.
Here, we have different types of boarding schools. Here is generally:
Religious = SMKA
SBP = Government 'Elite' school . (My kind of school)
MRSM = Half gov, half public sector
Asrama harian = Government school where you have hostel to live, some schools are optional to stay in hostel, some mandatory to stay in hostel
This is generally. I dont know anything about private schools, let along their education system or what so ever. Even in Malaysia, they didn't have any dramas involving rich kids in school like ELITE. SO far.
In SBP we have a few types,
The mixed schools, both genders.
One gender schools, boys only or girls only.
The religious ones, SBPI (Integrasi). Here learning Arab is mandatory. Yet SBPI dont have one gender type.
My point is, you meet a lot of people in SBP events. I could dedicate a whole new post about SBP itself tho. Enough for it now.
My school is the general type of school.
When i was in form 1, i got offered to enter PRS which is the society where the students are selected to help others and with the events (registration day, parenting day etc etc). Other students dont hate them. They are the cool people. I declined because I choose to be in the cyber unit so that i could have access to the computer lab whenever other students dont, wayyyy cooler. Girls were not known in that society, so we were the minority. Which was also great because we dont have to joined most of the events as it would be crowded with boys. It was only 4 girls, 2 seniors and 2 juniors (me n my friend).
I was living a good life until i finished my lower form, which is form 1 to form 3. I aced my PMR and I got offered as a prefect. Back then, I didnt have much choice because they were not enough people. I was kinda expected that actually. We didnt have interviews because they really needed members from our batch. Like, you know each batch must at least have this number so that they will have enough people to replace those seniors and hold some important positions in school.
When i first got here, i looked up and i saw the boards. A few categories actually. We have top students, head girl, head boy, the athlete of the year, what house wins sport day and more. I wanted my name to be up there someday. I wanted to be the athlete but as years went by, I knew it was impossible. When i had my opportunity to be prefect which one day they will choose a person from us to be the head girl, I knew i could work on that!
I became prefect for the next 2 years of my life. I knew people would hate me but at least it was because i was responsible. I also knew that any tiny or big mistakes will cause more hate on me but i'm still human. I'm not a God or a perfect student model. What i didnt knew was how much hate i actually will receive and how it cost my dream.
I worked hard. I volunteered when no one wants it. Sometime they conducted events on the weekends so students even the prefects wanted to go home or go outing (go to the city to enjoy your weekend). I sacrificed that. I knew my teachers didnt really noticed me even i volunteered almost everything. I didn't have much friends but what i had was enough. I worked when no one wants to do those duties. Even some colleges didn't liked me because I was too strict.
Now, I think I do missed those duties sometime. The privilege to work behind the stage. The privilege to enter where not all students could enter. Visited some other schools.
Even in form 4, there was a few events where they sent their future head girl and boy. This camp was to nurture the future leaders. I didnt even know about them until suddenly my friends came back. I asked what they had learned, some of them didnt even paid any attention and slept during those seminars. It was such a waste to send those people. They didnt even showed how interest in being a leader while i was dying to be one. I tried my best on my duties. Being on time and idk why i wasted so much energy just so people even teachers didnt appreciated me
Idk who arranged and choose people to be in separated divisions, I got food and beverages. I was in charge for anything related to food. My main duty was any important events which would be held in our dining hall. While doing my work, one day i had friends against me. At one point I reached my limit and ran away. I cried and that day, not even my best friends came to see how i was doing. Funny huh? I still hate that person who started the rebellion against me. Even now. Such a hypocrite.
In the end of the year 2014, we had a leadership camp for prefects. I thought to myself, this is the time I SHINE! I needed the spotlight because i deserve it after so many hard work and being invisible. This is the time people could actually see my hard work.
I volunteered to speak up. I spoke the loudest. I spoke my ideas for next year, the most important year. I had some critiques about here and there. Sure, I'm open as an open book. The last week before long holidays, my teacher announced future leaders, like who will hold the important position in school like the head girl, head boy, secretary, house leaders and more. I FINALLY GOT IT GUYS. I DID IT. I GOT TO BE THE HEAD GIRL. I WAS SO HAPPY. I WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY. I FINALLY DID IT. The results should be a secret but, im just gonna say it here, the 'future head boy' told everyone.
The next year, im not the head girl.
Funny right? How the fuck it happened? *typing while crying, I AM ACTUALLY CRYING REMEMBERING THIS*
During the holidays, someone posted this. I finally, after 5 years, posted this in public.
Let me translate it for you, if you dont understand malays. I know some of my audience here are english people.
*it was a picture of me and 2 friends, one of them hated me more than idk what, but she was among the college that hated me* I cant show you the picture but if you are reading it, of course i got this.
She said, the hater
" Here i am with future head girl and future head girl for sigma. Pehh pehh (an expression for wow) you think it was easy for me to get picture with them? Hahahaha., btw goodluck and i hope you have strong heart (idk any better translation) to fight us, we'll see, who gives the order around, hahahaha. Clubbers (its the gang's name) lets reunite ( i know she had some grammar mistake there). Choii (like an expression of trying to be funny) hahaha, there is serious in this joke. (like where?)
Im with the rebellion.
p/s: during this holiday, ainul (me) go to seminars to increase your mental and physical strength and dont forget to change the way you speak, how could people respect you if as you open your mouth, people already hate, okbye"
Basically she tried to blackmail me but she blocked me. I didnt get the message directly from her, i got it from a friend. I told my teacher about it and their solution breaks my fucking heart.
Why she became prefect in the first place? My teacher though it was a good idea to get a few problematic students to be prefect so that they will obey the rules better. I guess that didn't happened tho.
As we got back 2015, my teacher asked to meet for a meeting. She said, write down who you think should get the positions. We had our own list. I asked my teacher, how about my issues, she said she will talk with the other teachers. She decided to give me the second head girl.... She said, 'we should consider what your friends have to say'........
It broke me. Everyday i think of this day, i will eventually cry.
I worked my ass off just to get those teachers sided with my haters. It was so unfair. My teachers didnt even see how much i worked for it at all. All they see was what was convenience. It will just be easy in that way. They never asked for my opinion. How i felt about it. Non of my opinions were being considered.
The snitch? Oh he still got his position as head boy. Living even a better life now. Good for him tho.
Since that day, I gave up. I didnt do any of my duties properly. I still did it tho. Just not as strictly as i wanted too. The head girl? She was on fire for the first few weeks than she couldn't handle the hate so she gave up even not half way through the year. I didn't blamed her at all. She never wanted that position and people placed her there because she, no offence, easy to be break.
My 'friends' knew if i got that position, they were doomed. They knew how strict i was and will be. I didnt boss around if you think i was. You know what, i dont care what you think of me. Im just a bad guy because i didnt allow you to break the rules. I did gave some exceptional when i knew it was not harmful.
Yet, you see, the joke of that year, the NEEDED SOMEONE STRICT. THEY FUCKING NEEDED SOMEONE TO DO THE DIRTY JOBS.
I was the strictest among my friends so most students were afraid of me. Those juniors know what im talking about.
When they have problems with their juniors, they called me to 'handle' them. Is it funny? They didnt even bother to tell the head girl.
Being the 2nd head girl, you could work as hard as you could but in the end no one will remember you. No one appreciates you. That was why i just gave up. Why bother fulfilling your duties, get more hate just to get nothing in return. You think teachers nothing me, no. Maybe just as other ordinary student. I was nothing special except a bit good in english than others. No one even remember i was the 2nd head girl.
This event totally got me. Since that, I never joined any society especially if it involve leadership. I know what im capable off but i just knew that it was not worth it. My blood and sweat will not be appreciated. I could try but what for, i have had enough of it.
It did affect my confident. I even lost friends during those time. I have no one to turn to for quite sometime.
You see, I had a boyfriend in the middle of 2015 which at that time, people looked me like shit. I got double shits. When everybody left me, i turned completely to him. Even a few friends asked me to break up with him because it was 'unholy' to be in relationship. Let me make it clear, we didn't date during school only went out after we had finish school for good. I studied with him and I 100% study while sometime he played around which i ignored. YOu can believe me or not, idc.
It was my dark ages.
I need to vent it out. I know i shouldn't be dwelling in the past but tell me straight to my face, if it happens to you, will you move on 100%?
Will you not looked back and see those who took away your mark that you should had left in school but cannot.
The pain they gave me. The hate they gave me.
I could never.
I have no one to relate too.
Alhamdulillah i live better now. I have better friends. I have better environment even some dramas but nothing as worst as those days. InshaaAllah in next year i will be graduating as a pharmacist. Hopefully by then. i could totally move on 100% with my life. I needed people especially who knew me back then know how much it affects me. How much it hurts me? In general, how shitty and not cool it was to do so.
I hate bullies.
One thing for sure, karma is a bad ass bitch. If you don't get what you did to people, i bet someday your children will experience the same. So, take care of your family. Take good care each and every one of them.
I may have forgive most of you but i will never forget. The pain was real. What you took away from me was real. I could never get that back. I could never redeem myself back there. As much as you didn't asked for forgiveness even in the end of the year. Some of yall live a good life, i see that. I'm glad the karma skips you. Or maybe not. Idk
I'm not God. I dont put curse on people, you do it on yourself. SO always be careful on your actions. YOu dont want karma catching your family.
