Assalamualaykum and Ramadhan Mubarak to all muslims all over the world!!

In this month full of blessing i would like to say, im soo sorry for everything.

In the end of this month, literally, i will have my final year examinations! Pray for our success!

Today, i wanted to chit chat around about girls group. Most of us have the special group where you would express yourself and things between you guys are transparent. Its like, bros before hoes kinda things. Without them, we would feel empty. So empty.

I had that kinda group before. My besties. A group of people that mean a lot to me. They still are.

Now, the shittiest thing about "had" is definitely time. We used to be so close, we talked to each other, daily, updated. Now, we just watch them for afar through their insta stories and tweets. I am not blaming anyone for not being how close we were because i totally understand.

I have to admit that i wish i am there. I wish we would keep ourselves updated more often. I wish we could at least meet up randomly. I wish of a lot of things.

Here, i dont really have that group of girls that i could express myself. I told some people about it but everyone use the excuse of "you have a boyfriend". I am grateful i have H with me. I shared almost everything with him. He is indeed a blessing!

Yet, having a group of girls that actually want to hang out with me would be awesome. Here, i learn that even a very good friend is enough. Im not saying im perfect and she could depends on me and such, what i mean here, at least she noticed me more than others.

Lastly, i wish i could care-less about most people especially they way they treated me. Honestly, everyone is nice and kind. At the same time, I do wish im not just someone you could say hello but also someone that you would count me in having fun or study or have a fancy chat. Someone you would invite because you love my company.

You know what is funny about the society most of the time, even me sometimes, we are too focus to help others, so you join this and that because you are doing good but you forget that the one that is close to you are lonely.

Let me be brutally honest lah. Behind all those smiles and 'yes' for every favors, i am not hoping for something back like money or things but i do hope people would appreciate me being around. You guys are very nice to me, i admit that but i am not one of your member. Sometimes i did try to be a good friend/company but for some people, it is still not enough. I mean, you would talk about your other friends and how much you missed them. I cant replace them but i try to be a friend.

I push myself too much and expect a lot that even a small ignorance that a few people treated me, it hurts me. Like,
1. We used to be closed but our friendship pull you away from a few of your friends thats why i told myself, ill just pass.
2. I thought we are close but we are not because in the end, you just dont bother about me.
3. Someone skipped me while they passed the attendance list.

I know that those shits are just small things. Forgive me from feeling hurt. I had been ignored a lot of time while being in a group but now, i dont mind. This experience actually open my eyes and heart to who that actually cares. I understand people who have trust issues because now i am one of that person.

Honestly, starting this time on, i would take anything seriously (people's ignorance) and i also will avoid being open up with others.

I always wanted to avoid having H as an excuse to mingle around and social more but now, its true because that is what most people want me to feel.

I didnt change after having H, people around me changed.