Assalamualaykum Alhamdulillah

It's been quite sometime. Well, to be honest, i don't know what to post but lately i've been thinking about some stuff. Like the future. I am turning 17 in less than a year. To be specific, 3 months and 7 days.

I will be facing my biggest responsible in school in less than a week. I am not so glad about that too. Hurm, let see. In a week i will be meeting my friends, which is a good news but not very glad about that actually because not all my friends will be glad to meet me.

Ok, lets just skip some things.

I didn't decide yet my collage or university that i want to apply because i am not sure what i want to study.

I have this simple plan. Score for finale then get my car license. Continue my A-Level for 2 years then fly somewhere to get my degree. Maybe i wanna work first for some experiences then continue my master. Then work again. Maybe get married then maybe, just maybe, continue for PHD. Just...maybe.

Thats my simple plan. Which i thought about it. A LOT.

I am not sure what is actually waiting for me ahead but what i am sure i am going to work very damn hard to achieve some of my targets. I don't want to end up being a loser.

To be honest, earning a lot is not my dream. My dream, i wanna travel without limit. Even if it means i earn less. Money is not that important to me because i am sure the experience to look around the earth, all Allah's creations will be damn awesome.

But that is just what i have in mind. We can dream big right?! Without dream people will not go off their limits.

After i had travel as much as i can, i wanna settle down. Take care of my old folks. Be with them until the end. Maybe i am not their favorite child but i .... just to be with them. I want my child to see how we should treat our folks. I want my parents to enjoy their moments with their grandchildren.

I know many challenges awaits i guess i have no choice but to get ready. We should all be ready.

Ready to face failures, tears, hurts, betrayers, liars, poverty, death, bad news.

Without all the rains and lightning, the rainbow will never appear.

That is just life.

Unexpected things will happen so don't be over the moon about future.

Well, i am just here as a reminder. :) Thanks for reading and forgive me if any of my words hurts anyone.

Tbh now i just felt so terrible. Just so sad. So depress.

Things turn out....bad.

My friends are too busy with themselves. I dont have anyone to tap my back or something.

I just need a space. You know, maybe i should start to keep myself away from any connection. Maybe thats for the best.

No tears should be wasted. Just be brave and smile. Shits dont come for nothing. Everything happen for reasons.

Assalamualaykum Alhamdulillah

Everyone deserve to know the truth. Why it happen, bla bla bla. So today i am going to be honest about what i feel and what i have in mind.

Friends

To be honest:

I am lucky to still have friends and people who are willing to be my friends. Friends that listen and friends that still talk to me. Friends that i thought is my friend, or was. That does not matter.

Some of them only seek for me when they are in any trouble or when they wanted someone to listen about their bad days. I have all ears for everyone, not just a person i called as friend. Seniors or juniors, they can talk to me.

But what make me, uneasy with some people are back stabbers and people who talk behind me even i never messed up with their life. Seriously!

Sometime i don't understand them. I tried my hardest to always be there for them but they just .... never see me... I tried to spend the most for them. Seek the opportunity to be with them even i know that i am so busy. But, they just .... never see me. They look at me as someone minor. Not so important. They find reason to push me away. It hurts. Damn it hurt damn bad! I mean it....

What makes it sadder when you girl friends take boys as your priority. Even they always break your heart and whatever... Takut nak berubah sebab laki. Ya Allah... I know that i am not prefect but, do you ever seek Allah? Takut nak berubah sebab takut jadi lebih jahat. If you are sincere want to change, Allah will guide you dear. You just need to sacrifice a little bit. Allah's gift are much more bigger than your sacrifices. Serious!

I can lecture all day long but, do you think you wanna listen? No, right? You are just too stubborn. You never want to open your heart to listen to my advises. Even when you thanked me for all the words, my words only words.

I breaks my heart to see your repeat the same mistake all over again. I know sometime i also do same mistakes but at least, i am trying to NOT do it anymore.

I thanked Allah for open my eyes. I see my true friends. Friends, a lot of friends with many type of personalities. I don't people to prove that they deserve to be my true friend but i can see who really take me as one true friend or just a friend.

In other hand, i hate you people that seek me for help when your friends left you. Then when you gain your friends, you go around telling them bad things about me or group up to go against me. Yeah i said it, i hate it! I hate your attitude not your physical. Attitude can change.

Why? Why all you see is my flaws? I know that all human beings LOVE to JUDGE A LOT. I also judge but i don't go around telling everyone your flaws. What for? For people to hate you?

Listen here, hate me. Go on, brag about my flaws and my past. Because i will and always have Allah on my side. We are too damn small compare to Him. So, go on.

Why i still be nice with you haters? Not because of hypocrite but Allah and Prophet Muhammad never teach me to act badly to people. Sometime i misact, forgive my weakness. Whatever, i am not perfect. Sorry. Know what, i will never be perfect. Far from being a saint and holy.


Study

Deep Down:

I am freaking for next year. I have an important examination that can determine my future for 80%.
SPM is not something that you can play with.

Sometime study kinda ..... worst because i am not someone who have the brains. I will try my best. About study i don't have much to say. Only worries.


Family

Oh, about this should be private and confidential. But i can share some pieces of the story as lessons.

Well, my father puts a lot of pressure under me. Quite stressful but i managed to ignore it. Just do my best.

This year my family had a little conflict about choosing life partner because of my elder siblings. Well, when my father cannot argue much with them he took it off at me. To be honest, i don't think i can choose my own partner in the future. He is so demanding.

My elder siblings, the problem about them is they don't want to listen. They always think they are right because my parents seldom go against them. Even if they argue, my parents will be the one that give up the fight. And even i had a lot in mind, but i know they will never listen.

Because i am too young and leak of experiences. Bla Bla Bla .... Whatever.

What is unfair? What they failed to reach or to be, i am the one who must reach and be it. My options are limited.

What i do? Stay positive and pray for the best. I believe that Allah has a better plan for me. It can be like what they planned or not but what i believe, the best for me. Amin!


Love and Relationships

For me, the truth.... Its too complicated.

But what i can say for sure, everything that i am feeling is not the same like i used to feel. Maybe thats for the best.

I prefer to be negative and over think about it so i don't hope. My hope are far too precious.


Nation Nowadays

In my point of view, i have a lot in mind! especially about minister of education.

Well, i know that i am not an expert about this thing but what i observe, there are just TOO MUCH FLAWS. Holes everywhere.

I can see that PBS, Frog VLE, PT3 and malay languages in important subjects are NOT WORKING and MAKING THINGS WORST.

PBS and PT3: they take study for granted. We can actually see that about 10% of the student take PBS as something serious. Copy cats are everywhere (as usual). And they become shock when they have to take test. I mean, they are comfortable with no test only the end of year, its like a shock. Then they start to be serious but, its kinda too late. Maybe for some who cannot catch up. PBS waste a lot of papers too... I see my juniors simply throw away most of it after the papers being used up. Save our trees!

Frog VLE: I don't see that working so much. I know that they built the system cost millions or billions but they never think that actually not all students will go online just for that thingy. Not all teachers used it too. And one more, not all parents are keen to use technologies. So we left the website to rot and remain untouch. Because we don't see they set of urgency. We are not allowed to bring laptops to school. We seldom enter the computer lab. We used powerpoint in class not Internet. The teachers don't want us to used the computers because they don't want us to use it for other purposes. I also cannot guarantee that they will not browse other website. So, what is the use of it? Whats worst, not everyone is teach to used it properly. They only teach specific people but they never held class or whatever for the other students. So? Is it still working?


Malay language for physic, biology, addmaths, modmath, chemistry

Bad idea! I hope that KPM actually realize that in universities everything is in English. And they changed that language issue to the first batch that learn science and maths in English. I know that not all schools teach in English, but the one that is teaching ....

If everyone get used to Malays, how can they improve they English??

KPM increase Eng period in class. What the... Do you think that is going to help? Are you being serious KPM? During class, we learn adjectives, grammars, essay. Is that all we are going to be learning in Eng during university years? How about all the english term for science and maths. That sound completely different! Its like we are making a U-Turn. Going back to the past.

We are not like all the develop countries like Japan and China that learn everything in their language.

I just don't get it.


What i think:

If the KPM wanna do something new, they should do step by step. They should ask the students for POV. Or do like American's or Japan's education. In America, if you graduate high school, you actually already have your diploma. WOW! While in Malaysia, after SPM, then matriks 2 years, then other 2 or 3 years in university then you get your diploma then only degree. If you get to do your A-Level, 2 years then 3-4 years to get degree then 1 year to get master then continue PHD. Maybe you save about a couple of years.

So, what do you think?

Year 2015

A legendary year. scared about it. And i am preparing for it. To be honest, i hope 2015 will be better than 2014.

My heart hurts. That's all I can feel right now. Just hurt. Rather then screaming and shouting or throwing anything, I prefer to laugh. Strangers will said that I am crazy but who cares what people said right? Because caring too much about all the words, you can never find peace. Its true.

Till now, there are only two person who is not my family member and not even someone I always hang out with and ....the opposite gender too. I met only one of them last year. For a few a few seconds.

Well to be honest, I never felt .....love, I guess, when I was with them. Its not physically but the warm of love, gives me courage and what was worst, hope.. Hope of a fairytale future. We can run from something but we cannot run from something we don't see like, feelings. That thing already stuck inside your soul!

I like that feelings a lot because it taught me the meaning that of life. I learned to be more careful with anyone. Learned to appreciate, loyalty, kind, patient and faith.

Like they say, either they come for lesson or partner.

Of course I got through the damn chapter entitled, THE BROKEN HEART and I had to admit that its a wet chapter but maybe that makes me stronger.

I tried to find someone to replace them or at least someone who is worth in the list but, each one of them failed me. I never talked to any other guy about them because I want them to be special.

The first guy got me admitted that I am actually in love with him and being yourself. The second guy taught me more about sacrifice and he was the reason I realize how jealous I am towards someone. Jealousy. ✌✌✌

Them made me realize that matter how much you love or you care about someone..... No matter how much you want to be with them in the future, if you really want them to be your future you just need to pray for it. Maybe you will be with him but not now. You need to be more patient. Good things come to people who wait! Maybe the future that awaits is better. You'll never know unleasr you wait. Loving someone now does not mean you are meant to be together. Some people prefer to keep on trying. For me, if you keep on trying but you never asked for it, you might need to wait longer. It's like a short kid that wanted to reach out for candy at the highest level of the shelf but that kid never ask for any help. Will he get his candy in a short period or he will never get it all or maybe he will get it if, only if an adult saw him then help him. Which one comes faster? Your choice. You need help. You can't hope on yourself. That's why God exist. Allah. That's my belief.

I am not asking you to change religion to pray but what I am advising is, praying for a better future.

Inshaa Allah. Hope to inspire. Sorry for any of my mistakes.

Assalamualaykum and Alhamdulillah

Today i have this hunch to tell you guys one of my story.

I was picked to be a leader of a group. My got my dormmates and some boys in my team. We must always handle our cafe, well its actually not a cafe, its like a dining hall. Its where we all have our lunch, dinner and supper.

So, if there was anything that involved the dining, i must handle it. Make sure everything is fine.

Most if our events were fine. But some....not really fine.

I mean, i am a girl that had to control 11 boys and 9 girls, my age.  Sometime they disliked taking any orders from me and i actually saw that. Its heartbreaking but, i couldn't just follow my thoughts. What i did best was what i had to do.

There were things that i prefer to do it myself because i hate listening to what they would complaint and whatever. Its just.....annoying. If they hate all these works, they should just quit and find others to replace them. But in the end, they did what i asked them to do. To be honest, the orders were from our teachers.

If i can effort to do it myself, i would do it. I don't like giving orders.

But our last event was a really disaster for me.

There was this girl that hate my decisions. We argued! And most of my friends had sided her. I was so mad! I had so much to do to make sure things but she thought i made all my decisions for fun. I was so stressed and i end up crying.

What surpised me, the people that i called as best friend, did not appeared to tap my back. The people i called as just friends, were the one tapping my back and making sure i was fine.

I prefer to be positive. But, not for long... Things changed drasticly.

That night we had to prepare early and be ready early. I was the last person who left the dining hall but i was the first one who arrived there. My friends were late. Even my dormmates grumbled so much. They complaint so much, its like im deaf or i was not there.

I am thankful that they coorperated but i knew that deep down, they hate me. They didn't understand my responsibilities.

What i kept from them, i actually injured that night. My foot hitted a table. It swallowed. It hurts quite bad but I tried my best to walk as normal as possible.

I could feel the vibes of hate that night. I tried to make sure everyone was fine but they just hate me so much. Even I was too afraid to talk to them.

Yesterday, the swallowed....hurts back. It's just the same feelings.

I hope you guys got some morals from the story. People can changed in just a minute even if they are your best friends. They forgot all the good in you because they were blinded my your darkness. And believe my words, it's not easy to accept that but you learn to do so. Life never stops so you just need to move on.

Some people were blinded by there friends that they don't see how much you care about them.

Always believe that no matter what happen, Allah is always there monitoring you from far away. He listens to every word you said or thought. He know what are you feeling and He understands your struggles.

He is the Best Planner so don't doubt him.

Bad things happen to good people. That's why we are good people because we have patient and we will be more careful next time.

Well people, if anyone read this. Thank you for reading until the end. And forgive me for my grammatical errors and my language.

May Allah bless you.

I don't expect everyone to have the same thoughts.

There are a lot of things that i hope people understand. Among the things are my words.

I talked a lot. Sometime i decided to voice out when people prefer to SHUT UP!

I know, people said, quite does not mean they don't have things to talk about it, they prefer to bla bla bla ... I agreed but sometime i think that its rubbish!

What i think, its only an opinion.

While you have the rights and the time to talk, then do it. Maybe one day you will regret for being in silent. You have the rights to suggest something awesome! Something that others never thought of.

Its like,

You meet this girl. You have the feeling that she can be a great friend, so, you have to approach her! If you don't, maybe one day you will look back at the day you never stand a chance to approach her, and you regret for not trying.

You will regret. Its just a word, 'hey' . Its worth a try.

Ok done with that. How about phones. That usually the reason for a crowd of people being silent.

You are hanging out together but each one of you are too busy scrolling down your TL or whatever. You never bother to talk and laugh with the person IN FRONT OF YOU. You are just to busy with your invincible friends.

You push away reality for dreamland. You can be drift into a fantasy then one day you cannot except reality... It is dangerous because it can led to massive depression.

Its like being to obsess with dramas, comics and whatever that always have a really good story with happy endings. Dude! You are not living in Disney world. When you fall, you will feel pain and it can bleed. Not everyone can sings. Not everything will sings.

Reality can be unfair and cruel. But that two elements that can shape you into a HUMAN BEING. You will be more careful with your decisions, you will not simply believe on someone that easy, you will look for your back. You learn to appreciate your family, your best friends, your luxury life, your house, your LIFE. Because you know how lucky you are. You still have prefect body with complete set of organs and you still have your parents. You have the opportunity to study. Its just too many things to be grateful.

I know about being down. Feel like you want to give up your life. You question faith. You question most of the things because things turn out badly.

Well, life is never flawless. Even the flawless man on earth live a hard life.

If you are totally useless on earth, why God still allows you to live?

There is always reason behind EVERYTHING.

Who can change your faith? YOURSELF

Watch this video. Really inspiring~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7d16CpWp-ok

Assalamualaykum and Alhamdulillah

Since the past days, i had been watching some YouTube videos and i observed something.

Most of the videos that i watched were about Islam. I am not shocked about it because i kinda expect it. What is it? Most of the YouTubers itself are from overseas. I mean, if i search more deeper maybe i will find Malaysians. I know about Matlutfi, Mr The All Shared, Maria Elena and .... Ustaz Don and UAI and i can search for more. But, you know what i mean. Ok, maybe not.

Most of Malaysians are busy doing cover of songs, vines, and whatever. It's up to you to do whatever you want to, right? But, i don't find someone besides the one that i had written, that is actually about my age, a Moslem or Moslemah, are proud to publish Islam to the world. And a Malaysian.

I find one video made by this boy from London asking the men to lower their gazes and women to cover themselves. And, i respect him. I mean, where can i find someone like that in Malaysia? If he or she is truly trying to advise the society in a good way and really working on it, i am sure that he/she will be famous.

I love watching Hijabstalista because they show Islam in other countries. They make us aware that Hijab can be a trending fashion besides following Allah's rules. Right. But, the way they put on their Hijab, not a good way to take as an example. You can follow the fashion or whatever but, please people, be careful with your clothes... Keep away all the tight clothes away. Wear looses clothes. Put on your socks. Allah asked you to cover yourself from head to toe besides your face and your palm. You have the right to either wear Niqab or not.

It can be hard for extra size people but, if you are sincere in following Allah's words, you will try to wear the right clothes.

I am forcing but i am just reminding others.

To be honest, i don't see Islam in my own country. I see in other country. I am not saying i am not proud to be Malaysian but, i just .... felt offended with the culture.

Our prime minister never voice out the urge of upholding your aurat...

I know that i am not a prefect girl, or too young to advise anyone, or i am not your mother or father to advise any of you. But do you actually realize, our Prophet is not our father or brother but he is actually Allah's lover. He is asked to guide us. And in his time, everyone obeyed him in the end. Most of the people even the non Moslem because he was their leader.

Spreading words, daq'wah is actually everyone's job. You MUST remind others.

You can't just follow the the crowd. The crowd is not always right. Follow what is right. Pray to Allah to be in the right path. It is never easy because Jannah is outstanding!

Maybe my words are not inspiring enough. But what i can really advise, if you are seeking for the truth, knowledge about Islam, never give up in seeking in. You will find that Islam is so beautiful! You need to feel in order to see it. By looking with your naked eyes are actually nothing. Feeling. Something that cannot be describe by words.

Kejarlah cinta hakiki. Cintakan Allah. Cintakan Rasulullah. InshaaAllah, kebahagiaan dunia dan akhirat akan menjadi milik mu.

InshaaAllah, if i had done any mistake, please forgive me. I am nothing but just a slave of Allah that is trying to remind others that in the end,

-you only got your useful knowledges, your deeds and prayers of soleh/solehah children that you can bring with you in grave.

-death and qiamat are secret

-dajjal otw