Assalamualaykum and Alhamdulillah

Its the most saddest thing that often occurs in my life this year. I don't blame faith but as a human, i felt so down about it. It cost my tears. I don't expect everyone to experience it but mark my words, you will feel it one day.

Its like, you are giving a hand to someone who is falling but instead of getting up together, that person pull you down and without you realizing it, you are hanging. You are taking that person's place.

Who do call a friend? Someone who always be by your side? A listener? A tutor? Whatever, you can define it yourself. For me, a friend is someone i know and he or she knows me too and sometime we hang out or at least, we talk. But now, i think, i friend is someone that you must have a reason to talk to. You can't randomly get a peep talk with them, you must have at least a topic to talk. Urgh, whatever. I just don't see who is my real friends. Everyone looks the same to me.

Can imagine, the people i randomly talk to is the one that approach me when i cried. The people that i always smile to but i never share a piece of me. While the one that i share my stories, my whole life chapter, only watched me cried. At first, i push it aside, think positively. Maybe they are busy or they just want to let me cold down or whatever that is good. Do they give a damn? Sorry for the harsh word but, do they give a damn? If they do, thanks. Sorry that i doubt you for a second.

The one i keeping the friendship, is me. I accept they flaws but, they throw shits to me. Thanks. Thats what friends are for, right? Give you all the shits.

Sometime, i think, is it wrong being nice? Maybe because of all my friends, they take me away from Allah. From all the prayers. Thats why Allah wants me to see their true colours.

Can you imagine, just a little of my mistakes, they look at me like i am the bad guy. I mean, after all the friendship, after everything, its just so easy for you to throw me away.

Gee, you are just like everyone else.

What broke my heart, when i realize that you don't feel a damn of guilty as you said, you can't be my friend anymore. WTH .... Am i that easy to be thrown away?

I used to think, you should be friends with girls cause boys can be a mess and bla bla bla. Now i think, i better be alone. Don't need a boy or a girl as my friend. I have Allah. Maybe that is enough for now.

How many friends to i have? A lot. How many back stabber you have? Most of my friends. How many true friend you have? Non. Only Allah cause He is always there to listen to my prayers. He never let me down even i had failed him tons of time.

Harsh. Never mind, i'll swallow it. Let me taste the bitter now because i want to taste the sweetness of future.

I know i am not as perfect as Rasulullah. As strong as Sumaiyah. Can fight like Khalid al Walid. So knowledgeable like Sayyidina Ali. But do i need to be like one of them to prove that i am worth a friend?

I never judge who you are to be my friend if you never mess up with people's life. I can be your friend but you are the one pushing me away.

You don't have to be perfect. Follow all the damn shit rules to be my friend as long as you understand that i have my responsibility with all the damn shit rules. You don't have to always back me up when your other friends talk behind me, if you feel sorry for me and try to comfort me, give me some spirit to move on and ignore them, that will be just fine. If you joined them, you are nothing less than them. I just don't understand why you are giving me so many reasons to NOT be my friend while you can find reasons to BE my friend.

I don't expect or want you to understand about being me. But, if you try or if you pretend to try, at least you are actually trying to make me feel good. Isn't that what friends are for? To make each other happy?

I don't expect you to wake me for Qiamulail or to recite the Holy Quran together to be my friend. If you want to, thats called as friend to Jannah.

If you always follow me doing good deeds and remember Allah, if one of us managed to enter Jannah, if it is me, I can pull you out from the Hell. Or vice versa. Isn't that beautiful? Or am i the one that have magical eyes can see how beautiful a friendship means actually?

Can't you see how Allah take a friendship a serious matter? Are your heart too blind to see it?

I am not desperate to be your friend but i don't understand why you HAVE TO betray a friendship for the sweetness of world? I just don't understand.

I failed to guide you to a better path. I am sorry.... I tried. You push me away. I know that i have so many flaws.

Dear my special bae,

i really hope you read this. I love you so so damn much. And not everything is about you. But i just want you to know how hurt i am. I know i can't text you as often as your other friends can. I am sorry if you feel offended.

As for other friends who always give reason to NOT be my friend. Look at the mirror, they are people that have SO MANY reasons to not be with you. Maybe not now, maybe in the future. It can be any of your family member too. Allah have the right way to make you realize it. I am not praying a bad thing for you but, i want you to realize.

I don't need people to surround me or never leave me and always be my by side. Rimas lah. I just need someone who will not betray a friendship. You are free to friend with you ever you want. If i advised you, please listen, if you hate it, then complaint! Don't just shut up and take that as reason to stay away from me. I advised because i care, i love you. If you hate that i care, don't be my friend in the first place. I value my friends.

Maybe our friendship is not like Rasulullah and his friends but, we can take that as an example.

But right now, i don't need a person i can called as a true friend. Because i want to save my heart from any pain. I just need people to support me because of my responsibilities.

Inshaa Allah i will work hard to gain your respects and your supports. I know its never easy, but i know nothing is impossible.

Assalamualaykum and Alhamdulillah

Its jumuah people! And we are given the opportunity to stay alive.

While I was scrolling dowm my timeline. I saw the word, acidgaf then nik qistina. I had been left out about any famous teenagers in Malaysia so I started digged in. And I found out who they were. To be honest I am not surprised at all.

They're the famous teenagers that do vines and have viewers from all over the world. For me, they are pretty and have good voice and know how to make jokes. They dress up like any other urban teenagers that live in the city. They look like 20s.

Based in twitter, people kinda hate them. I mean, dislike them because, well I am not clear of that. I get it that they act kinda... annoying cause they make jokes of something serious. 

Well people, you can't blame them to express their honesty because this is a free country.  You have all the rights to speak or whatever you want to. Its like asking someone to wear hijab but actually its up to them to either accept your opinion or ignore it. Similar to you guys, you guys are using your rights to judge them and complains about their attitudes. 

I don't know you guys so, I should shut up. Right? But I am using my rights to voice out my opinions. If you hate it just browse out.

Its fine to dislike someone's attitude cause that can change but you can't hate them for their appearance and stuff that cannot change. They are also God's creations too. To make it right, its Allah's creations.

We are not so saint ourselves.  We do sins. Even we know that it's wrong. But we still prefer to look at people's mistakes and make them suffer all the tension.

I am not backing up anyone but I want everyone even myself to be aware of our own flaws.

Instead of all the harsh comments, how about we pray for them to change.

Tidak akan sempurna iman seseorang selagi dia tidak mencintai saudaranya seperti mana dia mencintai dirinya.

We live on this earth as one ummah.
I know that its hard to accept some people but its worth a try. If you still can't do it, at least stay away from them and pray for that feelings to rust. We can try it together.

As for the girls, nik qistina and acidgaf, I hope they change one day. I am not forcing or asking it but I pray for their awareness.

Wanita ialah perhiasan dunia. Sebaik baik perhiasan ialah wanita solehah. InshaaAllah

You don't have to hear people saying you're beautiful to be beautiful but if you are beautiful in Allah's eyes then you gain more than people's attention, you gain Allah's attention and protection. Isn't that more important.

If you hate this post so back off. If you got anything to say to me, there's my twitter.

Sorry if anyone felt offended. Adios. Wassalam

Assalamualaykum Alhamdulillah

Yesterday, i was surprised.

Someone told me about Z. Well, i don't know if he is actual Z or his friend. Whatever it is, it is still about Z. It had been months since any news about Z. Not that i had forgot him but i just had to ignore him for my own sake.

I was surprised that he knows about my updates. Well, i don't expect him to care actually. Because i thought he had move on and live his life. Maybe meet with another girl or whatever. I advised myself not to care about him. Because it hurts to be back to the past and remember how it end.

That person told me that he had his own reasons for his actions. I understand that every action that a human acts for reason. I know that i don't know why he did it but i will be positive about it. Since i become more aware about life, i learn to forgive than revenge. Only Allah has the rights to judge a human because He is the Creator. Me? Only a slave. I can't even survive from my own death while Allah lives forever. Infinity. He creates everything. Me? Maybe i can give birth to a human but i am not the one giving that child a soul.

I can list down reasons for always be positive about this.

Maybe its true that Z is only a lesson for me for a better future. Maybe he is not the one and Allah knows that I can never dare to left him except if he turns me down first. Allah knows the best for me. I don't blame the fate. I learn to accept it. Yeah it took a long time to live with it but i believe that it will be worth it.

What i cannot deny is the drama inside me. Just like any other love stories, you still have the feelings. Still missing. Still hope he turns back. Still has an inch of love. Hope. But you learn the words, move on. So, you just walk away but you cannot deny that sometime you do look back. Maybe as lesson or just wanna feel the warm of sweet memories and moments.

Memories are things you cannot touch, thats why it cannot be erase that easy and hard to throw it away no matter how much you wanted it gone.

If Z still care about me, i thanked him. I hope to do the same thing but maybe it wouldn't last long. I do care but, not always. Because i am not there to care. I don't know his problems or his happiness because he is not there to share. I understand that he denies to share. Because i also deny to share too.

Not that i am forcing him. I just wanted him to be clear that actually, i do care about him but nothing is like the past. In spite of whatever, thank you for the care but, you shouldn't do that. I appreciate it. Its nice to actually knows that someone care about me and we never meet, yet. Maybe InshaaAllah we will meet. One day, if Allah allows it to happen. No matter how much i deny to meet you but i am actually looking forward to meet you face to face.

InshaaAllah, i care about you because of Allah. Thank you Z. I hope one day, we will talk back. And i hope you stop care about me. It will hurts you and i never want you to be hurt because of me. I know you are a smart boy and a bright future awaits you. Be a good KR.

Assalamualaykum, Alhamdulillah

Praise to Allah for giving me an opportunity to be back. It had been a month since anything. Well, i dont have the time and device to post anything.

Since the past three weeks,i had to attend 3 camps in a row. And its killing me! I mean, i am tired. But that does not stop me from doing what i have to do. Looking at the bright side, i am more keen to perform my duties as a prefect. Alhamdulillah. Learn a lot. About life, duties, friendship and other things.

And things change... teachers look up to me as someone important. Someone that can hold a big responsible. Well, i never realize that until the last day of school. I know that i am going to lead people but i just dont expect a lot of people.

I know that people hate the rules and the older we are, we want to be free from any rules or whatever that will hold us back. I dont blame that cause i feel it.

But in this universe, we are living in Allah's creations. He created rules to make sure things are in order and nothing is in mess. Everything has its own law. So as human, we need to obey the rules in order to create a better person. Maybe we cant effort to follow everything but at least we try to be better.

Do you ever think why Allah allow human to create rules? Its our own responsible to obey it. Look at Japanese, they obey most of their rules and they become one of the most success country. Its country itself is so clean and you can barely find any rubbish. How can that happen? They obey the rules. Maybe not 100% of the citizen but most of them.

Respensible that i am about to handle is not something that i asked or dream about. But it is a trust from teachers. If i can choose to decline it, i will but it shows that i am too coward to step out from my confort zone. I trust Allah has a better plans for me in the future thats why He allows this to happen. InshaaAllah i will try my best to perform my duties well.

My job is what i will be ask in front of Allah one day. The judgement day. Yeah i am afraid if i fail to answer it well. I dont expect every soul to understand my situation but i am hoping for people to cooperate with me. If you hate me, i am fine with that but do you love yourself? If you do something bad, even in silent, Allah still knows and each and every move and words you speak even if its only thoughts, the angles are writting it as prove of your actions or whatever. Are you not scared of God?

A new division will be form next year, InshaaAllah. I know i have hates and people gonna hate me when i am doing my job.

Rasulullah never give up even he was being treated to death. He never blame Allah for all his challenges. InshaaAllah i will do the same.

I may not be perfect and may not earn your respect but i hope for your cooperation in your grumbles. And i always pray for everyone to taste the sweetness of Iman.

If i do anything wrong, tell me. Hiding it or talk behind me will change nothing. I dont care who you are but i will consider what you will say.

Insan yang sedang menuju kebjalan mujahadah. Sedang berusaha untuk berhijrah. Sedang mencari cahaya petunjuk Illahi. Sedang cuba memaafkan setiap insan setiap hari.
This article is special for people who knows and recognise me at school.

May Allah bless you. InshaaAllah thats all for now.

Btw i just used this Blogger app. And its pretty owesome.