Silence

Assalamualaykum Alhamdulillah

Yesterday, i was surprised.

Someone told me about Z. Well, i don't know if he is actual Z or his friend. Whatever it is, it is still about Z. It had been months since any news about Z. Not that i had forgot him but i just had to ignore him for my own sake.

I was surprised that he knows about my updates. Well, i don't expect him to care actually. Because i thought he had move on and live his life. Maybe meet with another girl or whatever. I advised myself not to care about him. Because it hurts to be back to the past and remember how it end.

That person told me that he had his own reasons for his actions. I understand that every action that a human acts for reason. I know that i don't know why he did it but i will be positive about it. Since i become more aware about life, i learn to forgive than revenge. Only Allah has the rights to judge a human because He is the Creator. Me? Only a slave. I can't even survive from my own death while Allah lives forever. Infinity. He creates everything. Me? Maybe i can give birth to a human but i am not the one giving that child a soul.

I can list down reasons for always be positive about this.

Maybe its true that Z is only a lesson for me for a better future. Maybe he is not the one and Allah knows that I can never dare to left him except if he turns me down first. Allah knows the best for me. I don't blame the fate. I learn to accept it. Yeah it took a long time to live with it but i believe that it will be worth it.

What i cannot deny is the drama inside me. Just like any other love stories, you still have the feelings. Still missing. Still hope he turns back. Still has an inch of love. Hope. But you learn the words, move on. So, you just walk away but you cannot deny that sometime you do look back. Maybe as lesson or just wanna feel the warm of sweet memories and moments.

Memories are things you cannot touch, thats why it cannot be erase that easy and hard to throw it away no matter how much you wanted it gone.

If Z still care about me, i thanked him. I hope to do the same thing but maybe it wouldn't last long. I do care but, not always. Because i am not there to care. I don't know his problems or his happiness because he is not there to share. I understand that he denies to share. Because i also deny to share too.

Not that i am forcing him. I just wanted him to be clear that actually, i do care about him but nothing is like the past. In spite of whatever, thank you for the care but, you shouldn't do that. I appreciate it. Its nice to actually knows that someone care about me and we never meet, yet. Maybe InshaaAllah we will meet. One day, if Allah allows it to happen. No matter how much i deny to meet you but i am actually looking forward to meet you face to face.

InshaaAllah, i care about you because of Allah. Thank you Z. I hope one day, we will talk back. And i hope you stop care about me. It will hurts you and i never want you to be hurt because of me. I know you are a smart boy and a bright future awaits you. Be a good KR.