How was your first love? I mean, different people have different story.

i'll tell you about mine. If you had been following me, you probably already know about this story but im here to tell it again in a new version. I mean, describing it more about it.

Honestly, i guess for me first love is a fantasy and more like fairy tale where you dream of happy ending. Mine did not get that. It was hard and kinda harsh. LOL i learnt a lot from it.

He was someone unexpected. You may say he had full package. 'Had' because now he is a totally different person. Im afraid that after all those years we meet again but he know me as a different version of me. Haha! Im glad he dont actually know me because it is easier.

Ok, here we go.

We used to be in the same school for a few months then he got transferred into another school and then i got into another school too. I guess that was the first sign that we were not meant to be together. After almost a year of nothing, one day i came across his fb. Yeah, back in those early years of fb and the eager-ness to make friends in other school. So we reconnected as friend and bla bla we grew closer.

I had my own drama at school and he had his. Being friends with him was easy and calming. He was and still is a very smart person, cute, back then he played guitar, basketball, hockey and kinda rich and very very easy to talk to. YOu can literally ask him anything, he could give the brilliant answer. What got me hooked, he said i was his sahabat, not kawan, rakan or kenalan. I felt so appreciated. Since that i had been holding onto him. Mistake.

I was by him even he has gf(s). I mean, after one and another. I stood by him after and another break up. After about 3 years, during the third year, things look like i have a chance. He actually paid attention to me and he gave me morning quotes shits all. Excuse me, but that got me hooked on more. Yet, there was another girl. After all the confession and such, he choose ...... not me. HAHAHAHAHA!

On my birthday, i told him that i hated he called me ina because i just hate that name. He said i was acting up all these years with him. Pretending. Just like that, pooff, its like nothing had ever happened. After awhile i tried reconnecting with him, he didnt seems to remember nor care. He never care where have i been or how i was doing. Nothing.

After all those years, he actually didn't care much about me. Oh yeah, the girl he choose earlier, she was prettier and we actually share the same attitude. If only i let him see the real me, the crazy side of me, to tell him that im normal. Im not the kinda girl that is nice with everyone. Maybe he could see something else in me. It was too late. I cant reset things like him. I cant act like nothing happened. I cant forget all those things just as easy as he did.

So, how was my first love? Someone you dont truly show yourself and end up lonely. It took me a few years to be 100% forget about him. I used to remember his phone number. FYI, he still used it.

It hurts that you became numb. You dont really cry at night but your heart ache. I guess, each broken heart has their own pain.

I had several of them. In my defense, each time it broke, the pain was different.

That was my first broken heart.

He was not even my first date. Not my first crush. Not the first person I called the special one but, he was the first person that showed me that i am worthy called as 'sahabat'.

The last gift he gave me, someone stole it from me. Literally stole it. He gave me a hockey keychain with adidas written on it. I cried once i lost it. Like, i cried even i know we were nothing but that was the only thing i left of him that was happy.

That is my story.

He has a girlfriend currently who has the first name as mine, Ainul. I guess another Ainul deserve happy ending with him. I deserve with someone else.

Based on what i do know about him now, he is a completely different person i used to know. Thats all.

First love usually unplanned. Based on my experience, whoever you actually feel for is someone who you dont plan to fall for.
Dont force love. Dont plan love. If you are doing things right, love just appear. :)