Deep Down. Truth. Confession.

Assalamualaykum Alhamdulillah

Everyone deserve to know the truth. Why it happen, bla bla bla. So today i am going to be honest about what i feel and what i have in mind.

Friends

To be honest:

I am lucky to still have friends and people who are willing to be my friends. Friends that listen and friends that still talk to me. Friends that i thought is my friend, or was. That does not matter.

Some of them only seek for me when they are in any trouble or when they wanted someone to listen about their bad days. I have all ears for everyone, not just a person i called as friend. Seniors or juniors, they can talk to me.

But what make me, uneasy with some people are back stabbers and people who talk behind me even i never messed up with their life. Seriously!

Sometime i don't understand them. I tried my hardest to always be there for them but they just .... never see me... I tried to spend the most for them. Seek the opportunity to be with them even i know that i am so busy. But, they just .... never see me. They look at me as someone minor. Not so important. They find reason to push me away. It hurts. Damn it hurt damn bad! I mean it....

What makes it sadder when you girl friends take boys as your priority. Even they always break your heart and whatever... Takut nak berubah sebab laki. Ya Allah... I know that i am not prefect but, do you ever seek Allah? Takut nak berubah sebab takut jadi lebih jahat. If you are sincere want to change, Allah will guide you dear. You just need to sacrifice a little bit. Allah's gift are much more bigger than your sacrifices. Serious!

I can lecture all day long but, do you think you wanna listen? No, right? You are just too stubborn. You never want to open your heart to listen to my advises. Even when you thanked me for all the words, my words only words.

I breaks my heart to see your repeat the same mistake all over again. I know sometime i also do same mistakes but at least, i am trying to NOT do it anymore.

I thanked Allah for open my eyes. I see my true friends. Friends, a lot of friends with many type of personalities. I don't people to prove that they deserve to be my true friend but i can see who really take me as one true friend or just a friend.

In other hand, i hate you people that seek me for help when your friends left you. Then when you gain your friends, you go around telling them bad things about me or group up to go against me. Yeah i said it, i hate it! I hate your attitude not your physical. Attitude can change.

Why? Why all you see is my flaws? I know that all human beings LOVE to JUDGE A LOT. I also judge but i don't go around telling everyone your flaws. What for? For people to hate you?

Listen here, hate me. Go on, brag about my flaws and my past. Because i will and always have Allah on my side. We are too damn small compare to Him. So, go on.

Why i still be nice with you haters? Not because of hypocrite but Allah and Prophet Muhammad never teach me to act badly to people. Sometime i misact, forgive my weakness. Whatever, i am not perfect. Sorry. Know what, i will never be perfect. Far from being a saint and holy.


Study

Deep Down:

I am freaking for next year. I have an important examination that can determine my future for 80%.
SPM is not something that you can play with.

Sometime study kinda ..... worst because i am not someone who have the brains. I will try my best. About study i don't have much to say. Only worries.


Family

Oh, about this should be private and confidential. But i can share some pieces of the story as lessons.

Well, my father puts a lot of pressure under me. Quite stressful but i managed to ignore it. Just do my best.

This year my family had a little conflict about choosing life partner because of my elder siblings. Well, when my father cannot argue much with them he took it off at me. To be honest, i don't think i can choose my own partner in the future. He is so demanding.

My elder siblings, the problem about them is they don't want to listen. They always think they are right because my parents seldom go against them. Even if they argue, my parents will be the one that give up the fight. And even i had a lot in mind, but i know they will never listen.

Because i am too young and leak of experiences. Bla Bla Bla .... Whatever.

What is unfair? What they failed to reach or to be, i am the one who must reach and be it. My options are limited.

What i do? Stay positive and pray for the best. I believe that Allah has a better plan for me. It can be like what they planned or not but what i believe, the best for me. Amin!


Love and Relationships

For me, the truth.... Its too complicated.

But what i can say for sure, everything that i am feeling is not the same like i used to feel. Maybe thats for the best.

I prefer to be negative and over think about it so i don't hope. My hope are far too precious.


Nation Nowadays

In my point of view, i have a lot in mind! especially about minister of education.

Well, i know that i am not an expert about this thing but what i observe, there are just TOO MUCH FLAWS. Holes everywhere.

I can see that PBS, Frog VLE, PT3 and malay languages in important subjects are NOT WORKING and MAKING THINGS WORST.

PBS and PT3: they take study for granted. We can actually see that about 10% of the student take PBS as something serious. Copy cats are everywhere (as usual). And they become shock when they have to take test. I mean, they are comfortable with no test only the end of year, its like a shock. Then they start to be serious but, its kinda too late. Maybe for some who cannot catch up. PBS waste a lot of papers too... I see my juniors simply throw away most of it after the papers being used up. Save our trees!

Frog VLE: I don't see that working so much. I know that they built the system cost millions or billions but they never think that actually not all students will go online just for that thingy. Not all teachers used it too. And one more, not all parents are keen to use technologies. So we left the website to rot and remain untouch. Because we don't see they set of urgency. We are not allowed to bring laptops to school. We seldom enter the computer lab. We used powerpoint in class not Internet. The teachers don't want us to used the computers because they don't want us to use it for other purposes. I also cannot guarantee that they will not browse other website. So, what is the use of it? Whats worst, not everyone is teach to used it properly. They only teach specific people but they never held class or whatever for the other students. So? Is it still working?


Malay language for physic, biology, addmaths, modmath, chemistry

Bad idea! I hope that KPM actually realize that in universities everything is in English. And they changed that language issue to the first batch that learn science and maths in English. I know that not all schools teach in English, but the one that is teaching ....

If everyone get used to Malays, how can they improve they English??

KPM increase Eng period in class. What the... Do you think that is going to help? Are you being serious KPM? During class, we learn adjectives, grammars, essay. Is that all we are going to be learning in Eng during university years? How about all the english term for science and maths. That sound completely different! Its like we are making a U-Turn. Going back to the past.

We are not like all the develop countries like Japan and China that learn everything in their language.

I just don't get it.


What i think:

If the KPM wanna do something new, they should do step by step. They should ask the students for POV. Or do like American's or Japan's education. In America, if you graduate high school, you actually already have your diploma. WOW! While in Malaysia, after SPM, then matriks 2 years, then other 2 or 3 years in university then you get your diploma then only degree. If you get to do your A-Level, 2 years then 3-4 years to get degree then 1 year to get master then continue PHD. Maybe you save about a couple of years.

So, what do you think?

Year 2015

A legendary year. scared about it. And i am preparing for it. To be honest, i hope 2015 will be better than 2014.