courage

yeah i know some of my drama readers want to know when will ep22 will be publish.erm...sorry for that. maybe after i'm finish with my problems. i mean those problem that i'm still dealing.my study are still not balance with my relationship just crush and i have to face that boy TOMORROW. any worst part that i forget to tell? yeah, tomorrow i will go back to my beloved school. maybe will come back after 2 or 3 weeks.

ok, finish with that. now like everyone know that i'm single again. and i'm kinda happy with that. but i can't hide the mask that i'm wearing right now. i am happy but i am jealous of my friends ok.

they have such a good relationship and i did support them. i am always loyal to support them positively and they also always support me. maybe they see my face smiling and giving them the courage words. giving them spirit to move on and go on with your partner. but in my heart i was heart broken. i am sad, down and crying.

i don't know why. i encourage them so that they will not become like me. fail in my own relationship. am i'm so over? sorry for that. i mean i'm still hurt inside. nothing is closing the wound. maybe my friends that keep on telling me to be fine and i keep on telling them that i'm fine. the truth is, those word didn't affect me. my words of fine are kinda just lies. i am not fine!

i'm not sure what will make me fine. maybe i just need someone to huge me and wipe my tears then the person tell me, you are going to be fine! you are the most strongest girl i've ever met. if you feel sad or down, call me. then i will always remind you how strong you are so that you can be remember how strong you are for you to move on.maybe that will work.

or maybe i just have to huge myself and look at the mirror? because i know that nobody want to huge me and say like that accept for myself. you guys must think, is this girl crazy or poor this girl that she have no one to depend to. yeah, maybe.

i have friends and family but no one truly understand me. they just give advised and this and that. yeah, yeah. but i obey because i know their advised are for my own good. i don't deny them. it's just,,,,,they never use the physical way. they don't huge me....i mean, i kinda need someone that can make me really trust them.

maybe i confuse you. u know those disney teenager movies, you see how their grans or grandpa or parents advised them. how they convince their child or grandchild about something. how they add some love and physical touch like scrubbing hair or huge or a kiss on forehead. things like that only happen in movies. did it really happen in the reality? maybe some of it did happen.

but not on me. i don't what that thing to always happen on me but i really want it to happen when i really need it. so the conclusion is, only the person that really know me will apply it. but the thing is, who is it?

any ideas?