Well, to be honest, today is like a new day for me. Actually everyday is a new day but for me, today is a little different from any other day. No its not my birthday, yet.
Yesterday i started to watch a korean drama entitled, scent of woman. It is the first korean drama that i watched about sickness. I know that cancer is a cliche sickness for the character to possess but this time it show us how meaningful life can be.
I know how cliche korean drama can be but it still touched me like i never know about it. They act so real that i cried hard yesterday. I had watched episode 1 till 12. Will continue to watch after posting this.
Lee did a bucket list of things she wants to do before she died. She accidently fall in love with someone she should not fall for. Well, the love story was complicated. For me, what i love about this drama, in the first episode you already know all the characters and the sickness. Even you could cry watching the first episode itself. Maybe i am being emotional but, girls, i don't lie.
What i really learned for it, appreciates life and people around you. It may be hard sometime, thats why you prefer to be alone and pushed away others, but nothing can change it. Its not like if you push away people, your problem will gone. Even when you push away people because you think its the best, actually you are just scared that they are not helping. Actually, maybe not all might help you but at least they can share the feelings. They can at least support you. Being independent is outstanding but ... we are just to weak to fight this war alone. Even the avangers, they are in a group. No matter how awesome and powerful ironman, black widow, hulk, and others can stand alone but in a group they are brilliant! each one of they have their own ability to complete the group. Don't blame your friend for not understanding you, allowing them to understand you is something that is your own choice. Sometime, we must always be the one giving up our egos because one day you will find that worth it. Eventually, they will come around.
I woke up today, there is a message in ws. Its like an advise about friends.
I just realize how i managed to push away all of my friends by watching movies and dramas. Sometime i tried it by studying. But now, i felt bad about it. Its like i am blaming them for not understanding me. Tbh, i don't even allow them to understand me because for me things are too complicated that they will never understand or they will act like they did. Or maybe because i thought nobody cares at all. Living a life alone without any friends really give a huge impact in my life.
Do you know the feeling that you actually know that nobody give a damn about you. No even your family that give you the thoughts of rebel.
Do you know the feelings of acting. Acting like you are fine but you are actually not. You hide it because its not worth to show it. Maybe you show some things hoping someone will come to their sense and ask you if you are fine. Hope hurts a lot.
Do you know the feeling of being the one to approach everyone else to make sure you are not invincible. You feel like you are the one who is putting all the efforts to make sure that the friendship is something.
And, do you know the feeling of tired of all the feelings above. You just decided to give up and push everyone away, try to live your life as nothing had happen no matter how hard it is at first but you keep on telling yourself that one day, maybe one day you will be ok. Nothing to worry about. Then you just live it. And it is true that nobody cares. Nobody approach you at all. They seem busy with their life. Busy with all the bullshits.
What do you expect? Each and everyone will detect your feelings? They never know unless you show they. At least talked to them.
I thought of that but what i did..
I DON"T GIVE A DAMN THING..
Things had been hard to me lately so, i push away all my own advises. Pffft, such a pathetic. Pushing away myself.
Then as i watched this drama, scent of women, and i read the advise ... I came to my senses.
We don't know the future. We can be a cancer-patient-to-be or maybe we might involved in a fatal accident. We don't know any of that.
The feeling of being alone can be last feeling before your afterlife. Do you think you will be reborn and you suddenly can make things right? There is no second chance as you died.
In my belief, when you died, you will be torture because of your sins, in grave, in Ma'sha, in hell. Why do you have to torture yourself on earth while you are still free to make your own choices?
If you commit sins, repent to Him. He is the Most Merciful. No matter how much your sins even if its as much as the height to sky, He will still accept it. He give you chance to repent because he never wanted to torture you. Do you ever felt grateful that you are not punish right away after you committed a sin. A sin not sins. You stole things, but you manage to escape. You cursed a lot but you still manage to talk as usual. In the same time, after all the punishments being postpone, are you ready for the Judgement Day where the judge is Allah and you can't escape anymore?
When that day come, all you will feel is regret. Regret because of this and that.
It is my mistake to push people away because it cause a great pain in my heart. What is nice about pushing others away, you put all of your faith in God. For me, Allah. You know and you are CONVINCE that He is a All Mighty. The is the best Planner.
My points are,
1. Everyone has their reasons to push others away but why do you have to suffer alone?
2. Life is too short to suffer from your own feelings
3. Think further. Future and all of the 'what if'
4. Regret now then later.
5. Maybe its the time to step aside from your egos and come back to the society.
6. Not everyone is perfect and can be the most outstanding person to stand beside you but its worth to give it a try. Imperfect what makes it perfect. I mean, you can complete each other. That makes it a perfect friendship and relationship.
7. Life is hard if you say so.
Here some sad moments in The Scent Of Woman. Korean drama.
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