I know these episodes are not as informative as I wish it would be. I'm just spilling my 'keluhan'.
Today my dad told me the stories about how he wanted to be a policeman back in the day. He sent his applications and got accepted. He was a teacher applying to be superintendent. "People had many choices during my day, even there were teachers who work at banks. One of my friends became forensic, he was a biology teacher."
The point of his stories, he wants me to appreciate my job. He kinda knew that I'm having a rough time adjusting to the working environment. I assume.
First paycheque. Kinda make things feel less shitty. I mean, I feel kinda great, now I can give my card to pay for the groceries items. I can feel that I'm more financially independent and a better child.
I had a meltdown during this week actually. It was my first time counselling validation and I didn't ace it as much as I hope I would. I felt super shit cause my officer is super nice and kind. It's totally my fault for not preparing as well as I should. I know I'm being hard on myself. Without those shitty days, I wouldn't put extra effort.. As stressful as life is, I always remind myself that these bad days will be over and start better tomorrow. Mistakes are part of life.
As much as I want things to end fast, I really need to learn everything within this period.
Love hate feelings just always finds me wherever I go.
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