A break from reality

Im literally taking a break from my life. I wanna write some fantasy shits but right now, I'm kinda out of it. Imagine being someone who's filled with sooo many wild fantasies just to be completely drained due to stress on work.

The only day I feel calm are Friday (if I don't work on the weekend) and Saturday. 

For now, work is better than a vacation but having to think that work is left unfinished. Almost everything felt draining to a point where now I'm kinda numb. That should be a good sign. At least I'm getting used to the stress that it is really always there. 

I wanna read book, then I think, oh, I need to study.

I wanna watch this drama, oh, I need to work later, I don't want to be thinking about the episodes while I'm at work.

At the same time, I wanna live. If work doesn't pin on, I'll just find something else. Failure is part of the journey, at the same time, I don't want to fail and extend this period. 

So yeah.

Thinking about these almost catching up with me being crazy so I thought to myself, you know what, if I really meltdown in front of everyone, I'll just meet a counselor or who ever the doctor refer me to. I'll just get the treatment that I need, I work in the hospital. 

I hate overthinking and making mistakes but at least I owned my mistakes. 

I hate adulting but no one stays a kid forever, even benjamin button started as an old man before he became a baby again and die. Life needs to start somewhere and ends somehow. 

I'll try to live more, that is a promise that I'm trying to work on.

I'll try to read more, watch tv shows that I want and make time to catch up with life. 

It's only been 3 months and no matter how miserable I felt, at some point in life, I'm getting used to the routines. Wake up, work till 5pm, come back home, eat, rest, study a bit (or not) then sleep by 10-11pm. 

In this stage, of course I can't really think too much forward like marriage, having kids, let alone to settle down real quick. I wanna focus on where I am and try to prove myself (to my own self) that I can push through. There's no short cut to miserable life unless you have plenty of money and can just quit if you felt like it. 

I wanna say to the younger me that I should have pick better course that I hit close to my own dreams but I can't. I owned my mistakes now so I'm not gonna leave half way.

Here's a photo of timothee that keeps me going everyday;

Literally made him my wallpaper coz this American french guy would root me if we are actually friends. 

Thanks for reading till the end.