AM I IN RELATIONSHIP THO?

Assalamualaykum

It has been awhile since any like, personal stories from me.

Well to be totally honest, nothing much about life.

I know its very surprising on how less dramas are right now. I guess maybe i dont have much people to think of. I dont have a person who i want to dream of. I dont have a person that distract me.

at first i feel fine. As months passed by, i feel lonely. I know i do have friends but the kinda lonely feelings that only certain people would understand.

I do consider about having someone back or take someone as distraction but i dont find that 'someone'. currently i am indeed staying at home and i dont meet people as much as i used to. Mostly my family, customer (helping my sister's business from home) and the postman.

I dont flirt in the internet. I dont meet my old friends.

Talking to any guy even on the phone are pretty awkward and gives me the nerve.

Being around with any boy (stranger or friends) become more uneasy and scary for me.

I had changed since i broke up. I dont speak to guys as freely as i used to be. I dont have much friend as a guy who are not my classmates. Mostly because my friends are with them.

Even i got a person to misunderstand me as quite because as i dont spoke much when we were eating together. I mean, yeah its not easy to let someone you barely know to actually see who you are.

Some people will not understand how weird i could be actually. I mean, some people do have the side where only a certain people they let to witness it.

I used to be very free but now i am letting my guard up. I am still who i used to be but just to some people. After i broke up, i was so broken i literally gave up on relationship. Almost all the boys that i had a crush on were jerks.

Luckily i still believe on the true partner is man. Still straight. I just stumble upon all the wrong guys to meet the right one. I guess. I donno.

Watching some of my friends who are madly in love or caught up in love issues or just stumble upon what you called as relationship, make me feel a bit left out.

Right now, like currently, I am indeed in the midst of confusion.

I am not even sure of what i want. Do i want a relationship? It is just me feeling like he is trying. I take all of his signs as jokes because i dont want to expect anything. I mean, we barely know each other. We are far from each other. We have different standard.

Well, what sucks still sucks!

One thing guy, please dont be an asshole and a total jerk even if someone is trying to be your friend. Not every stranger that greets you, LOVE YOU. Just jangan nak perasan sangat then make lots of assumptions. Kalau rasa dia lebih lebih, cakap. Just be damn honest instead of being A FUCKING JERK.