The chain of rejections

I think it was back in 2012 i posted something about the boys i had crushed on. It was ridiculous but now, the same cycle did happened in 2016-2017. My matriculation days.

I would say it did effect how looked myself, my self worth.

It was chain of rejections! It got to me that probably amma be single for the rest of my life. (hopefully not)

My love life was simple but too much! I mean, too much different boys. LOL

2016

I just had broken off with my ex. It took me awhile to get back on my feet emotionally. I was such a messed. I actually became kinda like bipolar (self diagnose) because I was happy in the day but i cried my heart out and was very suicidal during the night. To distract myself, i actually found myself fond of this guy. I didnt do anything weird, i just admire how cute he looks. Thats all yet someone gave him the idea that im someone weird like a stalker maybe. idk but he had bad impression of me on that year. ( we had make amends)

I had a lot going on in 2016 so it was just that 1 guy on that year.

2017

Due to what happened last year, I thought to myself, let just increase the range. So looked at other lectures and modules. Almost all of those guy who i had crushed on, i actually took photo with them. LOL

A few of them was actually very friendly and we became friends even now. Not close friends but we replied story casually. Some of them did tried to avoid me from time to time and i was not surprised but annoyed. I didn't approach them in any weird way. I was just trying to be a friend. I mean, i was not rejected directly but i knew i didnt have any chances with any of them.

Aftermath

I became aware that it will be hard for me to find someone to actually accepts me. I would probably end up with someone lower that what i deserve ( so far no) and all those self doubt keep on increasing.

Currently

I am happy with my relationship with H :) I had some guys who actually approached me in a proper way and some show interest in being friends. I didnt reject them like how i had my rejections but i decline any 'more than friend' gesture by saying im with someone.

I guess the thing is, you should definitely widen your social circle by joining more events or activities. Get to know other people and who knows they might be within those circles.

Dont settle for pity, desperation, or less of a person.

Be more choosy in certain ways. Dont force yourself to be in a situation where you dont want to end up in. If you don want to settle down, let them know you are up for being friends. Things like that.

It is important to let people know what you want and how you feel. As long as you are not married with them, you can always leave if the relationship is abusive, ignorance, no team spirit etc.

Be with the person who you want to be with.