Ive been wanting to post about my prp update, but let's just skip the depressing things and talk about more personal things. Things that make me feel alive, a person with feelings.
Idk about other people, or their experience but in the early stage of working, having fun is actually luxurious.
Love. the fantasy of love. When I was a kid, I was very fascinated by the idea of 'high school sweetheart'. It would be such a fairy tale. The closest and most logical fairy tale in reality. Put aside, a caucasian male with green eyes in the picture, I just want someone I met when I was in school. I saw some of the people I went to school with and actually fell in love AFTER school days. Despite knowing who she/he dated before, you guys still want to be together.
Maybe my classmates/batchmates (male) just didn't find me date-able.
You see, I want to express certain things but it's hard to put it into words.
Well, let me just tell MY side of the story.
Back in primary school, I was in all girls school and most of my friends weren't the type that talk about boys. Some of them even hated boys. Yet, I find myself in different social groups outside school such as tuition, school bus and my brother's friends which exposed me to the idea of boys. My favorite fairy tale was Cinderella, I was fixated with the idea of a prince charming. I thought, someday, someone will appear and sweep me away, happily ever after. Then, I realize that in reality, only pretty girls get the attention.
Then, in high school, things change. The first year, I had a few guys that showed interest yet non of them actually make the bold move. Time goes by, puberty hit me like a truck, and my oily face just makes my face less appealing. It was not the main concern as I didn't make it an issue. Then, my confidence and attitude kinda make me less 'feminine' or I guess, less attractive. You see, at that age, people don't see independence and confidence as something attractive, especially for immature boys my age. They see it as intimidation. Eventually, the boys around me just make fun of me and came out with labels etc.
So, I find myself in different communities as I joined activities outside school. Got my heart broken TWICE. Got rejected multiple times. I guess, God just wants me to learn the hard way about fairy tale. Its just not YOUR story.
I had a lof of crush, it was the closest thing that I could get so why only have one. LOL
This guy, he was one of my favorite crush. We were friends but not close. We texted back in school. My high school best friend would know him by this description, lol, he used to be short, he changed school, he was one of the genius and was a kind person compare to other boys at school. I don't remember how I reconnected with him after he left but we did somehow text back and forth. He was that one person that I could easily like after some conversations. He makes me feel appreciated for someone who barely knows me but decides to take some of his time, replying my ridiculous convos. I called him as my ultimate crush.
Now, I'm with H and he is with someone who's definitely veryyyyyyy pretty and makes him happy. Each time I saw them together, I felt jealous. Let me explain before yall come out at me.
I wish I had the chance when we were friends. He did reject me politely so yeah. I guess, he kinda fits my 'fairy tale of high school sweetheart'. The 'idea' of being with him makes you wonder sometimes but those are the things that are better left undiscovered.
We both have a different life.
So, what's the point of the whole story?
1- Everyone has their own hopes and dreams but no matter how hard you work towards it, doesn't mean you can get all of it. You may not get what you want but you get what you need.
2- Letting go is also a way of love. I do wish him the best and hope he would end up with someone who makes him feel the way I felt for him years ago.
3- I am busy living in the present, I'm hitting the pause button and reliving some pieces from my past.
That's all peeps. I know he would read this piece, if he did, I want to tell him;
She's pretty and you guys look nice together. Thank you for being a kind friend.
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