one more night

i hate when i have to make a so damn tough decision on my own..handle my problem alone...no one will understand me...no one want too..things are difficult for me. i mean, Allah is testing me. i just need some strength to handle this stress but no one want to lean their hand. things are just so damn negative to me. nothing seem to be easy. everything is like so damn hard. i just want things to be simple but the more simple i want the harder it be.

how can i trust someone that never want to say that they don't do it. i kinda on crush on you but you just keep on letting me down. i know that we just know each other but...i just want you to be honest. is that so damn hard? i don't want you to be my boyfriend but i just need you to be honest. if it is true, i'm just going to be sad but im not going to be angry........why are you doing this to me?

basket or debate? both i enjoy but...........i must choose only one. basketball, yeah, i love sport like so much.but the seniors..i just did one mistake but until now they just seem to never let it go. then you make me like this...many hurting words you tell the others about me. hating me, making the eyes...never want to be friendly..i want to apologize but.the way you looking at me is like 'no matter how much you say sorry, we are never going to accept it...'yeah, thanks for that. serious, i mean it.

debate,,,because of debate i met this guy. i mean a cute guy. he is a basketball player, have great result, weak i math like me, friendly and just great for me. he is enough. if i can see how complete he is, other girls in his school can also see that so, i predict that maybe someone already own him. i know that i don't deserve a complete guy like him. cause we are just not in the same level.

boys? you all know that i had crush on many guys but...the only ONE i love is...' mr future-husband...and that guys seems to be not-so-friendly...maybe being friend with them is enough.

the thing is, i don't know why but i always think things so negatively so,,,,thats why i'm easily emotional.

when i'm happy about something, it would last long. something will make me sad and i will think that i had made a bad decision. the guilty feeling is like poison with no healer. it will crawl in my body. when i like someone that i think perfect, i will imagine that he already have a girlfriend which is better than me. i mean, the same level as him. i don't think that i deserve someone that is not in the same level (high level).

i don't know, what ever. what can make me calm? Pray, Pray . Maybe talk to ejat...