New plan i guess

Assalamualaykum~ Hi peeps.

This is literally just a random post. Usually I would post at night but then, it occurs to me that i just need to write these.

Does it ever occurs to you that your plan never works out as plan? Like, you plan to get ice cream instead of getting the ice cream, you got yourself a chocolate bar. Maybe because the ice cream store is close or the flavour you want is not in stock or you just find chocolate bar looks more interesting. There are a lot of possibilities. Each of it, no matter how weird it could be, it still make sense with your story line.

Well, nothing is easy with any possibilities that i had been through. I know a lot of people had been through a lot than me. I always remind myself that everyone is in their own race. You cant expect to be in the same race if your road are not the same.

I am 19 and I am still waiting for what course am i going to proceed.

Others who are 19,

Already in USA with scholarship and having their life as planned.

Already working and has a fiancee.

Already become a CEO of his/her own company.

Still dont know how to read or count.

Already pregnant.

Already got married.

Already have a family.

Already has a degree.

Already die.

That is what i mean by not in the same race.

How can you expect someone in India age 19 who barely have money for its daily meals to be like me, waiting to continue a degree. You cant simply judge someone for being slow or unlucky or too lucky.

Each one has their own storyline.

I admit how much i envy most of my friends or other people. Hoping to live their life. That luxurious life.

Then, it occurs to me....

"yeah, she is indeed pretty but i dont want to wear as revealing clothes. I dont prefer fake lashes. I hate high heels. That clothes looks too tight! "

"I wish i have that relationship. But i dont prefer to go on vacation just two of us. I dont prefer bla bla"

"I want to study abroad but, (i dont work hard enough. There are times i take my education for granted. konon ikut mood punya pasal)"

And it all comes back to me being myself. The pros and cons of being me.

The me that

uphold my principle of dressing up like a Muslim. As decent as i can. I remember back in the days where i would wear handsock and skin sock most of the time im out. How i would ignore people looking at me like im soo shaggy dressing up because I am wearing long and big clothes. Yet, i realise how much i had changed and ignore less about my principle just to be trendy. Its heart breaking to realise how ignorance you are from who you used to be.


study whenever i felt like. Dont work hard enough. Blames the system. Ignorance.

tried to find the guy i deserve but forget that you must not find.

has a lot of dreams but do nothing to fulfil it.

I do feel wronged by myself because i was not working my ass out to achieve what i want. I keep on saying to myself that its impossible. I said a lot of things that pull myself back. I dont even believe in myself.

Yet,

Whenever my friends needed the strength the spirit the right mind, i gave them my best. I told them to get up twice as much as they felt. I convinced them that faith has its own funny want to make us greater and so much stronger.

And whenever i felt the same way, they would say the same things.

Am i the only one that dont listens and ignore everyone including myself? That is the main mistake i guess. I realise it now. I have to start listening.

I start by listening to myself. The good voice within me.

Reminding me about, how much i really want to

study abroad.

travel the world as i please

make my own make up brand or open a make up factory

be helpful in charity

meet the icons like Oprah

meet my favourite singers and actors

write a book


Trust me, a lot of things. Some of it even sound impossible like having my own private jet. As funny as it may sound, thats what i have in mind and i know its not only me.

You guys have a lot in mind too. What we have in common? Our dream of making own parents the proudest one in the world. The time where they can rest and join us on our wonderful journey. Bring them to wherever they want to go. Buy them what they had always wanted. Anything for both of our parents. We are not buying them yet we are giving them whatever that make them happy. Of course they are always the first plan.

As im saying, the new plan? Yeah, create a new one. As you are growing older and mature, you must not forget the 'old you'. The one that has a lot in mind. That dream a lot. Its okay to postpone it. Yes, dreams can wait but time will not!

As the old plan cant be in your way, make it still happen. Change the plan. Plans will always be changing because faith has its funny way to restore the balance of the world. Nevermind, still, make it happen.

As you grow old and grey, trust me, you will miss those days where you were strong. Where you had those chances that you missed. Now, you felt like the world is against you, well they are not. They are with you as long as you are with yourself.

I cant make anything happen by talking and typing. I have to start taking actions. Maybe not now, maybe later. yeah, i as much as i hate the word later because I know i had been taking a lot of time for granted. Waste a lot of opportunities.

I am holding to " Patience is virtue. There will be the right time to take a step. All you have to do is making it happen."

I know im in a very slow motion race. I cant race if i cant see the road clearly. You guys can go on, i will catch up later. :)

Remember, there will always have plan B