The lucky one

2017/early 2018

Full of ups and downs. Honestly, i would never imagine myself living the life im living right now. All i can say, if thins does not go according to your plan or at least, how you expected, it is for the best. Maybe not now, maybe later.

I would consider myself lucky despite my hard working and others.

About my degree life.

I never thought that i am going to be close with any of them. All i know its hard and i should bare it for 4 years. Alhamdulillah, the friends i got really understand me and they accept every part of me even i am far from a perfect friend. I try my best to at least make them feel like home. A person they could count on and work with. Having friends really mean a lot to me. Hopefully no immature shits happen like in school. You dont have to be mature to act the way, you just have to be rational.

Turning 20 in a few months means a lot to me. It is a new decade and a new chapter.

What i really have to stop let people get to me. I know what im doing. I know what i want. I accept opinions and such but don't expect me to act as you pleased. The thing about growing up in older siblings, they treat you like you know nothing. Sometimes, its not cool. I have like 2 weeks of holidays and they were like, "best nya cuti lama and such". Back in the days, they got longer holidays and honestly, i didn't bother much. My holidays are like all of my classes for 2 weeks are cancel. I still stay at home. I just dont have to wake up early and drive to class.

They say im lucky to be at home and eat for free. I guess financially I saved but i didn't get extra money to save. Its hard to save when the money i get is enough for me every week. I am not complaining but its the truth. I cant cut my budget for my petrol because i cant go to class without it. I spend at least rm30 for a week. The rest 20 is for my lunch. If i get some money for helping out my sister, i used it for buying my daily necessary. I mean, i can't simply asked my parents to pay for everything when i at least have a bit money to support my life. I am 20 for god sake.

Having a person that care a lot about me, yeah im talking about H. If you know me, you know who im talking about ;)

Honestly, i didn't plan to actually have someone. (one of the unplan stuff) But im glad it happened, just like me taking this course :')

As a pair, talking about the future like each tomorrow is possible is normal. Yet, my sister love to spoil each of it like she never been in love. I know that she is 10 years older than me and she experienced a lot! Like, a lot. Sometimes I would tell her about us and such because we are closed. I know she is worried about me and my studies and such. Can i just scream, I KNOW SHITS TOO....

If my study flops, its because of me, myself not because of my friends or H. Its me who don't work hard enough. I dont need a boyfriend or back stabbing friends or any important positions to drag me down in that threshold. If it happen, it is because of myself. ME.

I know as a 30 years old sister, it is relevant every word she spoke. I know that its a long way to go. I know how concerned she is about my future and my studies but how can you expect me to tell her everything when i told her that, "oh anatomy is hard because i have to remember everything and i am not really good at it." She said, " you cant choose what you like, you must remember it. Its important. At least do it for the sake of examination."

See.... I dont need a second dad. I know SHITS! Yeah i apologies THINGS ARE HARD FOR ME. I guess i should apologies for not taking medic like her because having professional job is more important in life.

In my family, pursuing passion is not taught that is why when i learned about it, it caught me. I was triggered. WOW!

I can relate why. Taking that kind of risk is A LOT!

Despite everything, sorry if i was taken away by my emotions -_-

Thanks for reading till the end <3

I still love my life. I love my family, friends, my course and everything about myself. Issues are common. Like they said, if there is not ups and downs in life it means you are dead.