Felt for everything

Its funny how at first you felt nothing but the next day you felt for everything.

I guess, at first everything seems fine and normal until one moment you just realize how ridiculous you are acting. You realize that you are putting too much effort on making things work while the other person didn't even realize it.

You want to make them happy so you find the right way to make it happen. You are going against your own rules to make it happen but they dont even realize there are rules.

You wanted to know them but they dont share the same interest on knowing you back. You are the one trying to keep things flow.

I think i reach my limit. I am pulling myself back. I am done trying to make things working anymore. I am done trying to be 'good-enough'. I am done telling myself "Its okay to hurt yourself ainul."

I want to start saying " I dont want to be hurt anymore! It is not okay to be hurt! It is not okay to always be the fucking options. It is not okay to act like its okay all the time. It is the time you should start to take care of your own heart of your own feelings too." It is not about being selfish, it is about showing others that they are acting selfish first. You are just following the lead.

I dont blame people for accepting me for a friend. I dont blame people for treating me anyway they are. I am fine with it. What i am done negotiate is, people that look at me and find me not good enough. They thought they are making it easy for me. Not its not easy.

Why do i have to compete with others just so you can get the advantages? What makes you qualify to take me for granted? Should i start to rebel so you would realize? Why must i prove myself to get the title when others just got acknowledge without going for a war like me.

It is because i am not pretty enough? Not bright enough? Too stupid? Not in the same reputation?

I give up. I quit. I'm sorry but im just going to walk away. I dont want to be presence in your happiness anymore.