Nico 2.0

 

I'm actively writing my fan fic so this personal story happens during the series. I don't want to interrupt the flow of the series so yeah.

I finally have the guts to confront someone i used to call as Nico. After all these years (10 years), I finally tell him about the whole story. My side of it. I know that I'm not significant in his life. He was. 

I know shits like, we should cut off people who don't give the same efforts you give. We should never beg for friendship or a relationship. I'm not begging anything, i'm just releasing something that should have been released longgg time ago.

Being rejected was the trigger. He was the first guy that rejected me despite all the effort I made. He is the reason I am who I am now. He is the example of the asshole you should beware of. I was sooo blinded with love, I thought I was never enough and I didn't realize how he took me for granted until one day. The significant day I met him after almost 3 years since I last met him. 

First love hurts the worst and the pain is forever buried in your heart. 

I had put him away when I decided to move on. 

4 years later, God just decided to make my life interesting. We got into the same college but different courses. It is a small college with only 2 buildings and a small compound so, coincidentally we saw each other from time to time. The first time I signed up for a committee event, he was there too. Yet, he never once acknowledge my existence. 

For the next 4 years, we never said a word whenever we saw each other. 

In my first year, one night, I decided to hang out with a friend (yall know him as H). We walked past a group of people who turned out to be Nico's group of friends. He was there. That night, he actually looked at me like he knew me but he only stares. 

I have always wanted to tell him how he used to be significant to me because, i guess, i want an ending. He should know how much pain he had cost me. The same pain that builds me, this version of me. He might not even remember how close we were, at least i do. I was in love with THAT version of him. 

I'm not sure what God had initially planned for us, maybe just me. I guess God just wanna tell me that, the signs that I've been obsessing over were actually meant nothing. Sometimes you just need to walk past your guts. 

I'll quote from my best friend, she said, "A person full of 'what if' is not the happiest." Just because we felt something, does not mean it is significant anymore. 

I don't want to be with him. I don't even know who he is anymore. He is someone I used to know. It hurts when someone told you yearsss ago that you're his best friend but never admits he knew you in person after those years, sucks. I was a good friend before the twisted love thing. I was there when he was at his lowest. When i fell in love with him, all i want was to be with him. 

"Yall are just kids, give him a break."

No, that's unfair. While i was crying and beating myself up, he didn't even bother to come around. Whenever we had a fight or misunderstand, I would always be the one that pulls myself together and tell him i'm sorry. Or, when I texted him back, he would act like nothing happened and said he didn't remember what happened. 

I met a lot of guys after him, some gentlemen, some assholes but none of them made such a huge impact like he did. I had lovers that cheated on me, not one person, two. I had boys disrespect me. I had someone i love changed his heart after almost a year into a relationship. Yet, the pain i needed to endure the most was with Nico. 

I can't explain 100% what's going on in my mind and heart now. It's just a rush of sadness and devastation. 

Despite all, I made it. I made him read it. I told him, i hope our path will not cross again. 

Even if our paths DO cross again (God forbids), I know it doesn't mean anything anymore.