Depressing

Assalamualaykum.. I am back from school! But i am carrying a depressing feelings with me. Things gone back today. I cried because on 'namjal' aka boy. I feel like being stab by my own friend. This feelings makes me wanna blame the fate and what Allah plan for me but i try my best to accept everything and move on. Its for the best!






The story started a few months ago. I like this guy and we were kinda close. I called him Mr K. For me, we were fine but i realize that he was starting to get back with his ex. I am sad but i hid it. After awhile, my friend told me that actually he didn't like me and he said i am irritating to him. I was shock and i said to my friend to tell him how sorry i am to irritate him so much. He apologize and i accept it.

After awhile, things back to normal. He and I are friends but not too close but after awhile we start to be close. And a few days later i saw he being too close with my best friend, Miss M. I always asked if they are together but both of them deny it. So, i think there is hope for me to be with Mr K. Then, rumors and how they act when they are together makes me feel more suspend about them. But i ignore that and put fate on my hopes.

It really breaks me and tear me up today to see them actually being together. Miss M wear a bracelet with his name on it. Today only she start to wear it so i take it as they are official. How sweet both of them walk together. I cried.

She realize that i start to like him in the first place cause i always talked about him. He must realize that i start to like him because i always be so nice and always text and called him. Why both of them do this to me?

They used to be my friends. They used to be someone i always respect. They used to be people who honest with me. Guess i am wrong. Guess that i should just step back and let them enjoy their happiness.

If they admit their feelings earlier, i would be like this but i will respect their relationship and give them spaces. I am not someone who take other people's crush. I would be putting any fate in any of my hopes with him.



I feel like being cheat and being lie in my own face.

Miss M always try to escape form me because i will always be asking about Mr K. Why she never want to be honest with me? Being honest will makes me sad first but i will understand. Rather than lying to my face. What kind of friend are you???

Mr K swore that both of you have nothing special. He was willing to swear because she said to never tell anything to me. Even her friend said Miss M didn't want him but, look what happen.



Other story, Mr A. He had some misunderstand with me. I tried so hard to make it right but never want to accept it. Since the day of misunderstand, i always panic if he is any near me. I feel so awkward. I tried to talk to him but, he just response unwillingly. I am sad and depress about it.

I got to be his SA for the SA game and he thought that its part of my plan to get his apology. I never planned about it. It was my luck to get him.... Why he is always so negative with me? I never want any of this to happen but that is what Allah wants so, I have no powers against Him. All i can do is try my best to get the word 'its ok' from him.

Sometime i thought to myself, all the boys that i had been nice will never be nice back to me. My ex end up with my best friend. My dear crush is with my other best friend. My best friend that i used to love never want to appreciate me.



I feel useless. I feel like i am not good enough to be love. Maybe being nice is not a good thing. Maybe i should never trust a man. Maybe i should just let the future me gets the right guy.



I pray to Allah, if this is for the best of me, give me the strength to go through it. Show me the advantages. Show me the right way of being in His path. Lock my heart until the right guy come.

I think i should use the word, i am single and unavailable. I am taken my Allah and Rasulullah

Tonight, thats all. Assalamualaykum. Insha Allah i will continue the drama tomorrow.