New post after ages

Assalamualaikum~ Its been years since the last post. I am so sorry about it.

I had involved in a camp. We learn orienteering, wall claiming and more. I got the worst group, i mean the boys. My group contain 8 boys and 2 girls including me. The other girl was a cute little girl and she is very innocent and she did not like socialize with boys.

The first day, we put up the tent and had ice breaking. It was fun and at the end of the day, we got our groups. The next day, we complete two activities and we had a cooking section called the survival. We need to use our own creativity to keep the fire and only use what was given. And it was the beginning of my nightmare.

I said something about cup that i didn't remember what it was about now, and the boys teased me about it. The called me something like, 'cupina' or what ever. It was so annoying and i was being patient because of Allah. They target me in every activity that need a girl as volunteer.

The other girls, which were my friends, they sympathize towards me. I adore them so much! They always support me and tell me about being patient. Love them!

I even met my twin. We didn't look alike much but our attitude join us as twins.

But, Alhamdulillah, i can see that my patients pay back. I could see the boys that teased me always get bad luck. Kinda. I only pray that they got something back because of teasing me. Let Allah do the rest.

The last day, we took pictures. And i wave goodbye to my twins and my teammate. And my friends and i always talked about how much we miss the camp. Even i don't like the boys but i miss the activities. And FYI, the leader of my group came to me and apologize to me about teasing you. I accepted his apology because i knew that he was the mastermind.

About 2 weeks ago, my uncle passed away and it was a shocked news. Most of my relatives pay their visits. I met my cousin which i had not talked to him for about 3 years. This time, we talked and exchange number. And things started to be weird between us.

I started to like him and i had admit it. He likes me too. After awhile, he was the one pushing me about getting into a relationship. He wants things to be official. I don't want to rush things. I refuse. At last, he said that he can't do it anymore and and want us to be friends. I refuse because of 3 reasons.
-It is not cool.
-Is this what you called love if you never fight for winning me.
-We are just cousins that made mistake. Not friends.

He never understand or want to understand why I am being like this. He is the only person I allow to call me dear, he is the only person I try to love. The only person I reply about missing him, and how I care about him. But no, never see that coming. He rush! And he never got back-up plan about our relationship. If it turn out to be relationship, it will be a fragile one.

I don't understand boys as much as the boys fail to understand me. I am complicated but what I do, I have my own strong reason behind it and it is not just a lame excuses. I pray to Allah about the relationship. I am scared if being with him is wrong. I want to have a relationship with Allah's blessing. I don't want a relationship with empty promises.

But now, I am happy that its over. I can expect about this relationship have no future. I don't know if I am the reason but I think, I am the reason. I am just to scared to involve into a serious relationship. For now I have the time but next year, I will be busy with studies and responsible.

I find songs that suits my mood. Insha Allah its for the best. I am free now. I just have to wait for the right person. And i need patient.

Life is like war. We have to fight for the right side to win. It does not have to contain the most soldiers but it must have the most strategic plan to win the war. What is the use of a number of soldiers if you don't have any plan. Your soldier will die in vain. Praying is the weapon.

About the drama, Insha Allah i will continue later on.

I think thats all for today. Assalamualaikum.