'You got accepted, congratulation! Your family must be proud of you :) After all, you deserve it!'
That was the first thing Mrs Jackson told me as soon as i stepped into the office. Everyone applauded and they even throw me an office lunch party. She said if i see a cake later, act surprise. Of course I'm over the moon! I called my dad even i know they are at midnight, i told him everything and he said, "I knew it! We are always proud of you honey :) Now let me get back to bed".
Yet
I still feel something very heavy on my chest. I guess the burden of choosing a guy out of two best men. I may sound selfish but some part of me wish, 'if only i could be with both of them'. I know it's wrong and they don't deserve such thing.
Lunch Party
After all cutting the cake and being congratulate by almost all of my office mates, I decided to isolate myself at an empty table. I just want to be alone and away from all the loudness. Honestly, I barely spoke to my office mate about things other than work. I don't involve with them personally. Some of them was nice and even invited me to their house for party at home. Believe it or not, i am very timid despite the confidence interview. I just don't 'blend in' well. The fact I dated Max was even a scandal in the office. They didn't said anything but I heard whispers. I heard some 'stories' while im in of the toilet cubicle. Ever since then, I just knew that most of them don't even like me because im too young to be where i am. I don't blame them but i paved my way to be here. I didn't sleep with someone to get this privilege.
Max and Alex approached my table. I didn't see them coming.
Two shadows came from behind and someone tapped my shoulder,
Max: Hey, congrates!
Alex: Congratulations Serene :)
S: Hey guys, thanks. *Try to smile back
A: You okay?
S: I am! They throw me a surprise party! Even i knew most of them dont even like me.
M: They even invited us to come. It must be a big deal.
S: Idk, you think? Are they genuinely happy because i managed to achieve something big or because i'll be leaving the office in a month? I'm not even sure about it myself.
Suddenly Mrs Jackson come,
MJ: Serene, Mr William here, one of our executive would like to personally congratulate you. Come with me.
She pulled me away from my chair, i could see Max and Alex seems confused. I bet they must be thinking, why am i being bitter about this ridiculous celebration. I just faked a smile throughout the day.
Mr William: Congratulation our young engineer! I heard a lot of extraordinary thing about you in the past couple of years. You were working very hard to get this chance.
S: Thank you Sir :) I just did what i had to do to be here.
MW: I'll be expecting more from you in the coming years! Keep up the hard work!
The rest of the day went by like any other day. I need to submit a letter about addressing that i will be continuing my study and fill in some forms. I should be very very aesthetic about today but i'm not. I even feel sad. I guess moving on to the unknown is scary. Everything used to be very well planned and I had laid out goals to achieve but now, things will change just like that. Some part of me don't wanna leave a world that i had created, a world i feel very safe and secure. It only had been 3 years with the company but it felt like a decade.
I came back, I saw Max and Alex standing on my doorstep with some pizzas and beers. I just walked towards them and hugged them. Im not sure what happened between them but i cried on their shoulders.
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We eat the pizza and drink some beers like in the old days. Before any of this.
S: Who came out with this idea? How do you guys know im not feeling it.
A: We came out with it together. We knew it as soon as we saw how gloomy you looked at your own surprise party. Well, Max and I came as friends because we knew you need friends right now.
M: We knew this day is coming since Mrs Jackson told us last week. Both of us love you, for sure but we dont want to make things complicated. We made a peace pack for today only.
A: Sort off.
S: *laughs* Peace pack? My ass! Hahahahaha!
A brief silence
S: Thanks.. both of you.. I mean it... I guess i need to make new friends after this at the new place....... At least its nearer to home.. *starting to sobs
You guys knew how much i worked hard in this company. I sacrifice a lot of energy and time to here. Yet...... even my colleagues thought i slept my way...up..
Max and Alex are speechless.
S: I always heard they talked behind my back.. especially in the toilet. No matter how hard the gossips get it didn't get to me as much as it does today.. I used to storm out as soon as they finished talk about me so they would realize i was there listening. Today, I stayed in my cubicle until they left. They said, I slept with you (Max) to get my position in the office then i slept with Mr William to get my scholarship... I just met Mr William today, I didnt know he was one of the evaluator... Am i that disgusting? *crying*
M: You never told me about this before... Did she told you (Alex)?
A: No... We didn't know you had issues in your working place.. We're so sorry..
S: I never told anyone about it.. I didn't expect things would be worst. It's okay guys. I'm finally out from that place! When i graduate, I'll be their new boss. Mr William did gave me a proposition, more like a position. I might work directly with him in the future. We'll see.
We had a good dinner just like in old days. I was nice. I felt very lucky I have friends to be here when im at my lowest point of my life.
A: We wouldn't be around until next month, do you think we could see you before you ..... leave.
S: Yes, of course! I'll never leave without goodbye :)
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I had most of the furniture I bought here, i donated to some neighbors and gave some to Max/Alex. I had deal with my landlord, wrote some emotional cards to people who are actually nice to me and sent most of my stuffs back 'home'. I'll be leaving in a week or so. My semester will begins the next month or two, i'll look back at the calendar. There's a lot to be done but, of course i didn't forget about Max and Alex. That's the whole point of this story.
I text .... I told him, let's meet over branch on Saturday or any day before I depart.
I text ..... I told him, can we meet over breakfast any day before the branch.
THE BREAKFAST
"Hey, it's nice to see you. How was the past weekends?"
'It was okay. I heard you had most of your stuffs sent back home and you sleep on the floor. *laughs'
"Kinda true *laughs*. I gave away almost everything. I need to ensure the condition of my house was just like how i came in, empty. Just a ridiculous coffee table that dont even go well with the colour of the walls. LOL"
'Hurm, i was kinda surprised you invited me over for breakfast....I guess you had decided...*look down* I kinda knew it...*look at Serene and smile* It must be hard for you to choose.'
"It was. I had made up my mind. Im...sorry. I did enjoyed our dates and everything else. You shown me something no one else could have shown me. I hope you...dont hate me.."
'How can i hate you? You are amazing and always have a special place in my heart :) I wish you nothing more than happiness because you deserve it!'
"Can we still be friend?"
'Yes!! OMG, its a 100% yes. Just promise me you will set me up with one of your beautiful Italian girlfriends.'
I was surprised he took it well. He seems calm and it doesn't involve a lot of emotional. I'm glad we could end it in peace. I know in his eyes, i could see his sadness. I hope he would find someone better than me and tread her like a queen.
THE BRANCH
'Hey, you came early. Or am I late?'
"Just on time:)"
'You look stunning *keeps staring '
"Let me get straight to the point. *blush even before beginning to talk* Give me a minute."
'*blush*'
"I hope both of us could start something beautiful together, Alex ^///^ The moment we end our dinner that night, I just knew it in my heart that you are the one. You amazed me and as much as i did loved Max, being in love with you felt so safe and calming... I need you to know, before you say anything, I'm okay if you want to bail now. After this, our relationship will pretty much be long distance. I wouldn't see you as often as I used to be. I would be busier from time to time. I would talk about myself more rather than asking about your day. I would be selfish about myself sometimes. I'm just letting you know that I'm ready for us IF you want the same thing."
'I'll always be there for you even from afar and I will never bail on you!'
A moment of silence.
'Hey, *Alex took my hand, looked at me in the eye* i know this will sound a bit cliche but I mean it. I know I can't compete with Max. I know I cant technically be there for you. I will always cherish you, you are the person I want to wake up next to or at least wake up thinking about. You wouldn't regret your decision.'
His words sank into my heart. each and every word. I know he sound like a fool to promise such thing here and now. Honestly, I want to believe him so bad but deep down I know, it is too early to say. He could be another broken heart. He could be the one who will leave me someday. The future holds such mystery fate. All we can do now is wait and see.
We ate and walked out as a new couple. A couple with a future to think about.
We hold hands, Alex just wouldn't let go. "I got something for you. I wanted to give it to you no matter what you decide. Take it."
Alex hand me like a mini album. I opened it.
This album was filled with pictures of me during our dates and most of it, I was not aware of him taking. I saw pictures of me by the beach, honestly it looks stunning. Below each pictures, he word captions. Most of them are quotes from taylor swift's songs.
"I hope you like it.. I'm sorry if you're uncomfortable if i took photo of you secretly. You were in the moment, I just had to take it. Those captions, well actually, my sister gave me the idea but I find the words myself. I know you love those songs especially swifty. I wanted you to know that no matter what happened, i really really love the time we spent."
*sobs* 'Alex... this is sooo beautiful! Omg im ugly crying again.. Im so sorry, give me a minute. *wipe my mascara* '
"Hey.. listen, i dont care if your make up are ruin as long as I could see you. It's not ugly cry, its just pretty little tears. Some people just magically have them in random times. *Pffft*"
'LOL, hahaha! Im not being random..'
We spend the rest of the day walking and talking about what will happen in a few months..
I will spend my last week in Alex's house. Enjoying each other's company as much as we could. He have 'work' on the day I fly back to Italy for good. In the next two months i'll start my post grad while Alex need to finish his races. We wouldn't be seeing each other as much as we could but we'll try.
Alex appreciates the small things. Even I don't see it. He is more sentimental then I am which, I think is sweet. He is more sensitive too. Sometimes it's annoying like this one night, I slept without saying good night. He got all moody the next day. He didn't even want to eat the pancakes I cooked for him! I had to call his sister to ask him about what happened. He is like a son i never had sometime. No matter how clingy he is, I never feel .... hurm .... uneasy? It that the word? I dont feel annoyed because he would look at me like im some kind of angel. The way he looked at me, his eyes is like the calm breeze of blue sea or babies laughs or puppy eyes? It's comforting.
Of course he have his egos and his temper but never once he treat me badly. No matter what we argue, small argument, he would still come to table for dinner. He would come to comfort me, give me random hugs and kisses. He wouldnt be distance for a long time. He knew that we can't waste time on being away with each other if we actually are so close (in distance) with each other.
He is my hardest good bye before I left. I know I will be back here someday.
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Five years forward.
I had finished my post grad up till I got my PhD. Alex proposed on my convocation in front of my family! A very classic way. He asked someone to take our pictures, while i was looking at the pictures that person took, he got down on one knee and said the magic words. I said YES!
We will get marry as he finish his season this year.
I got back working at Red Bull, things changed here. I don't work in office like how I used too. I still my own office but I spent most of the time in the factory. I need to catch up on the recent technologies. Urgh, need to study that first before I design anything in particular. I did took a minor course on environmental technology. Maybe I could apply it here. We'll see.
Max seems fine. He had a kid. I mean, guys like him may not be married but still can have a son. He had the time, you know what i mean.
Alex had move our from redbull into Mercedes.
For the past 5 years, nothing major happened. We had some ups and down but we never took a break or break up. Alex was and still very patience. He had a few explosions but never, i mean NOT EVEN ONCE he said any nasty things about me. He would be in silence and he would express his feelings and thoughts. He would come and visits whenever he could and i did the same. I had Max as my personal spy but surprisingly, Alex was private about our relationship whenever the press asked him about me, I mean, people saw us together.
So far, I think I live a good life :)
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