First love 2.0

I saw this once, it said,

"Once you are in love. You never forget that love, you just love someone more."

At first, I thought it was such a ridiculous thing. You forget that person and moved on. Find someone better. Now, i hate to admit it. It is true, you just love someone else more.

Love is many thing and one of it is unfair. You could be soooooooo in love with someone but the other person could feel nothing at all. (Here is about a person with real connection not kpop idol or any fanatic artist you're in love with. Even anime characters are not included)

You could feel genuinely in love but it could never force the other party to do the same.

I know i sound angry and I am.

I just told my mum about my first love. This Nico guy (not real name). I told her how after those years I actually met him again. We're currently studying in the same uni but different course.

Nico dont even remember me. He didnt appreciate what we had or at least the friendship we had. I cant go to him because i dont want to be pathetic trying to prove my previous existence. If he really appreciate me, at least as a friend, he would notice.

Honestly, as much as it hurts me in the past, I really appreciate our friendship. What we used to have was one of the best thing in my life. He said I was a very good friend and I had achieved something. It's his lost to loses a friend like me.

I never force him to like me or to be my friend but once he admitted I was a best friend, I cherished that. I know that loving him got the best of me but I didnt regret being there for him. He had picked someone better than me in almost all aspects which is understandable but it is unfair for him to buried me underneath all memories.

Again, we can't force people to remember you.

The funny thing is about 'remembering' a person.

I used to have a crush on this one guy. He even gave me his tie clip (which was a big deal back then). The tie clip had his dad's abbreviation, 'DZ'. Years after it, i reached him out, i told him i still kept his tie clip, he said i have the wrong person. I might mistaken him and his unknown junior. I knew 100% it's ridiculous because i remember him vividly. I had never posses anything from someone I dont even know existed.

Why is it sooooooooo easy for you to forget someone. Even if you did, is it sooooooooooo hard to try make effort to recall it? I mean, don't you appreciate that after years and years those poor people still remembered you. Yet you just need to be a dick and deny everything.

If we kept the picture of you in our memory, it is because you once meant something. Im sorry we actually thought you care.

We are someone else's nightmare. We could be toxic towards someone without even realizing about it. I guess we could also be a dick towards someone without realizing it too.

You can't expect too much on a stranger with memories. You have had beautiful past with them but you cant expect they are still as beautiful as they used to be.

You get disappointed easily when you put too much unnecessary efforts on a person.

Moving on from anyone you once loved or you thought you might have something in common is never easy no matter how many times you did. You hurt yourself countless times before finally have a stable relationship.

Now, you (this is me) just need to admit that without those shitty guys, you never would end up with this guy you're in love with right now. The guy that treat you better, far far better. Very acceptable of your weakness and cherish every moment being together.

Thanks dickheads, im happy now :)