Sebab abang Max upload video dia balik kampung, kite pun inspire nak sambung sikit drama dia. It will be maybe one or two episode. Just a brief update on current situation.
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Every relationship has ups and downs so does things with Max and me.
Most of the time we struggle with the same issues. Me with my time management with him and Max with his ego. We share the same field of working but a totally different area. You see, i work in the technician team and right now i involve in the making of the new f1 car rather than the current car thus, i wouldn't be joining most of the races that will be held. I don't really need to join the technician team on track if i want to. In the other hand, Max is the driver and he will be on the track most of his time OF THE YEAR which separates us.
Currently my manager told me I could apply for post grad scholarship or keep on working. There is probably a new program for sponsoring post grads for the research team. She can recommend me for the upcoming program because she said I have potential and i'm still young. She made some good points. I could even get my doctorate, then continue working here with a raise and my own research team. Be part of something more innovative and breaking the norm. You don't see an energy drink company giving money on sponsoring kids going to school. At least post grad program. Maybe this could be my only opportunity.
I'm not saying Max don't want me to continue my studies but he did seemed sad when i told him i'm applying for that program. Nothing is confirm YET because red bull hasn't yet announce any post grad program. It could all be just whispers and nothing in reality. I told him i might be back to school and probably be in America. I wanted to join MIT. Let me just keep it simple. We wouldn't be seeing each other much and also long distance.
It has been 3 years since I met him and also almost 3 years being with him. Tomorrow marks 3 years of me working with this company. I had shown a significant amount of contribution on the company and lately on the industry. I went to a convention and was given the opportunity to present my ideas about the new design of the car. Since then, I had a few offers from different companies taken interest on me. I am valuable to the company. Most of my achievements were achieved because this company had given me the opportunity to prove myself. I mean, this company is full of competitors and everyday is like going to war. You can't simply sit on your desk and expect a raise from doing 'just-what-you-need-to-do'. You need to be more than that!
I told Max what i had told you. From word to word! He seems amazed but you could still see sadness in his eyes. I mean, of course you will be upset if your partner just suddenly came up saying we might be separated across the globe.
Things are already hard, what i decide is making things harder. I guess so. I was so hyped about proceeding a future which honestly, all about me. I know it seems selfish but this might be my only chance. It's not about money but about breaking the sigma and ideas of women not involving in this industry. You don't see women much in the factory let alone the research team. I'm not trying to be feminist but we (women) are not given much 'space' to work there. They will said things about maternity leave, being too emotional for important decisions. It sounds like a total joke because even the most powerful person in UK is the QUEEN who is a female. Those things run in the company. We are the one who needs to adapt to the industry not the other way around.
Max is nice, sweet and very understanding. I'm trying not to make everything about myself but it is.
Since I told Max about my plans, he has been acting a bit strange and we have not spend much time together. Yeah its true we actually spend less time together but this time it is less than normal. It does get to me. I love him with my heart. I had been dreaming about being with him since I was 17 and right now i'm risking probably the love of my life over my future.
Max has not been selfish with me most of the time. We tried our best to be there for each other. The season usually starts in end of March or early April until December. Each month there will be 2 up to 3 weekends of racing in different countries and sometime in different continent. He would be home sometimes once a month or sometimes only on the 2 weeks break in June or July, i'll check the calendar later. Those 2 weeks would be spend mostly in his hometown where visits his dad and his mom. We would take some trips somewhere. Each of his race, maybe the first year i joined the company was the most i had anticipated as technician analysis or supportive technician. I got bigger assignment last year and this year maybe i would be in a few races to watch him.
I want to be able to be there for him but i also want him to be there for me. That's the dilemma. We don't get to be there for each other as much as we want. We do understand and support each other. I mean, we are far too busy to cheat on each other even if we want too. I'm not saying any of us are thinking about it. That is just how unavailable we are even for each other.
Sometimes i wonder, could be start a family? Could we have the time to actually build a family with stable homes and settle down in one place. Could be have a normal family dinner and have normal living in some part of our lives. Right now we are too young to settle down because we are still reaching for something bigger even for this relationship. Being together is a bless but it is enough?
*Beep beep*
Max: Hey, you free this lunch?
Me: Yeah. Wanna lunch together?
Max: Okay, meet you in your office in 15.
Yeah i know, i managed to get my own office after 2 years working in cubicle. Most of the seniors engineer were kinda jealous of my promotion. Right now Max is at headquarters for some stuffs so he is around.
*knock knock
Me: It's open. Oh, Miss Jackson, what can i do for you?
Miss: You got it!
Me: Excuse me?
Miss: I told HR you are interested in the post grad program so I recommend you to them. They just gave me a call, they said they are interested to interview you for that position!!
Me: OMG thank you! (knock knock) Max! I got it! *i ran to hug him
Max: *hug me back and smile* I knew you could do it!
Miss: I'll leave you guys to your lunch. *walk out*
Max: I wanted to talk to you about what you told me last few weeks.
Me: About the opportunity that i had been longing for and i got one step closer to it.
Max: I can't do it. We need to break up.
Me:
Max: Im sorry....
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