Falling in love

Assalamualaykum~

I was about to continue the drama but i need more time to plan the story so i hope you guys patiently wait for it.

So, tonight, falling in love.



They say, falling i love is hard, i say, falling in love depends on that person. its his or her choice to take it as love or whatever. Even you are a Moslem or not, feeling exist and you can feel. You will fall in love sooner or later.

Me? I fall in love easily. As easy as i get hurt. I am a girl. I might not be feminine nor girlish but i am sensitive. I get hurt so easy but its so hard to forget. Every wound in my heart, even i had tape it and glue it or sew it, but it will still open and crash me like before.

I am a Moslem girl and i am not shame about all the mistakes that i had done. Having wrong friends and falling in love with the wrong person. I learn from my mistakes but sometime i do the same mistakes more then twice. Why? Because i am a human being.

Love cannot be force and cannot be seen. Love cannot be weight nor be length. Love is complicated and so much more. Love. A word full of meaning. A word describe everything.



Before this i said about how i am confuse and stuff. Now i had one big decision that took me a while to decide. I am backing of from my first and really deep love. I had cried about this thing for a while. Its not easy when the memories are too sweet to remember and too hurts too remember.

Being with someone who never realize how important he is to you, how he never realize hoe deep your love just for you, how much you admire him and how you promise to yourself that you will wait. I am done waiting. I am done doing things about it. The sweet memory will not appear again.

I had decided when to start putting it as a full stop.

He will fly to Hong Kong and have a vacation with his family. Maybe the last day he stand here in Malaysia will be the last day he stand in my heart. Its not easy to do it but i think i can do it.

How to make it permanent? He had this post in his blog about the last time we had this huge fight, after about 2 years, that post still remain. Maybe that is a good thing for me to put it as a reminder how burden i am to him and how he actually don't need me.

I love him so much. It is hard to hear me admit such a thing beside my love to Allah and Rasulullah and my family. I care about him so much until i think caring about him and make me slip away. I never want to slip away from Allah and Rasulullah.

I have faith to Allah. i want to move on and leave everything back. I am tired being the person that he never see. That he never miss. That he will never love. If i suddenly disappear, he will never notice. That is fine for me. And i think it will be fine for him. He and I are like character from novel. I want the novel to have an ending and i think let me be the one create a beautiful ending.

If being with him is my future, so let the future show me. I will wait for the future to wait. If i am suppose to be with him, one day he will realize and Allah will get us back together.

I just hope, maybe after years without him, the first thing i get is his wedding card. But that is the fate, let it be because i am sure Allah already plan the best for me.

Thank you for being such a good friend. Having a piece of you is already enough for me to always remember you. I hope you will always remember me. I hope one day you will realize how deep my love and how i just wish, the girl you are looking for is me. How i pray you have a happy ending with your soul mate.

I am sorry foe being so bossy and being such a bad friend. For always stalk you and hope you miss me. For have to let you go for my own good. For getting away. Running far away.

Will i regret? I think, i will regret but if that is for the best, my regret will not be a great waste.

I will always perish all the moments. The first time we met. How i used to be your classmate. Your morning quotes. Your smile. Your texts. You voice. Your face. The time you RT my tweet. The moment you realize how caring and unpredictable i am. Everything. I am touched and i will never forget. It looks like its the end and i hope you understand.

I hope after this. You will miss me someday. Once is enough then never. I love you but i can't wait anymore. It hurts me more.

Love cannot be force so i never want to force you to love me. I just want you to be happy with the person you love.

After this, no more my mumbling. No more my texts. No more thinking about me. Just you and your business.

My last confession. I hate it when i have to say goodbye and you never realize that its a goodbye. I hate that you always meet the wrong girl and fall in love with them. I hate that you never care about me, if you did, i am sorry but i never feel like you care. I hate it when you never want to share. I hate it when i know that i am just your other friend and i mean nothing much to you. I hate it when you are the most prefect guy i've ever met.

Being with you is a dream come true, going away is like going back to the old nightmare.

I can't let history repeat twice. One day i over react and you get shock and leave me like you did before. I can't go through that again.

Just thanks and bye. Assalamualaykum.