My problem

Assalamulaykum,, Alhamdulillah

I know how it feel to be push away. I know how hard it is to live while no one understand you. I know that i am not a good motivator as you are. I know that sometime i over react. I know that you never want to share. I also realize how much shits i had that i don't have to bother so much about you and take a good care of myself.

What you said to me, kinda make me feel like you want to push me away. I am sorry because i asked about your problems. I thought that as friend, we suppose to share our sadness and happiness. Always be loyal to our friendship. Trust.

Maybe, i am the one looking too far about what friendship means. Maybe its a sin to care about you. Yeah i admit sometime i thought of you an forgot about Allah. But that doesn't mean you are always on my mind. Or i am the one always forgot Allah.

As human, yeah, i do forget Allah because i am too distract about world stuff. No one is prefect. But if that the excuse you use to get rid of me, its working. Allah's name is too precious for me to ignore. I am sorry about it.

I know that you never care so much about me. I know that you are just a friend like my other friend. For a second, a thought that you are different. Maybe you already forgot about how we used to be. At the first moment of our friendship. How much we share. How mush i felt that actually you had my back.

Even i told you i had your back but your egos push me aside. I think you just take me just like other friends now. Hurm, i don't know if i said anything wrong but this is what i feel. I am sorry to bother so much about your life. Is that annoying to you? Well, you should just tell me that i should back off. I will. Don't worry.

I was right about leaving you in the first place. I tried to be a good friend but, you never trust me. I don't know what to do now.

You used to be nice. Entah la, aku pun dah x tau la nak buat apa lagi. Aku x tahu apa yang aku buat sampai kau cakap kat aku camtu. At first i was offended but after awhile, i think you just dont need me. You like to be alone. You like boys as friend not some girls that never understand like me. Maybe i am not even in your level as your friend. Maybe i am the one that never understand you because you never want me to understand you. You tell me about you but i never know what is about the inner you. Mentally. You never let me enter. Is it too much? Oh, i am sorry. Maybe i am being too much. forgive me.

Allah is the only one prefect. I am not a God to know what is my own boundaries about knowing you. I am sorry.

I just don't know. You .... Maybe you are right, this friendship maybe a mistake. I shouldn't say hey in the first place. The whole 3 years are just a waste. I am the one wasting my time, my soul and wasting your time.

I like being your friend but i feel useless. Like i am no one to you. I am just some girl in the big group of cheerleaders. Telling you to move one and bla bla. But you actually never listen to any of my voice. My screams. My cheers. For your, everyone's word is just the same.

Know what, even if got missing or walk away. You just never realize. If you do, you don't even care. Or if you do care, you will think how much you don't deserve my care and you're the one burdening me.

Everything is bullshit! I am tired of all the dramas. Spare it for other person that you care. You don't have to care about me. You don't even let me care about you. Why are we even friends? Are we actually friend?

I pray to Allah to always show me the right path. Not just for me, for all the people i care. Is it a sin for me to even care about you?

If you think you need me, i will be there. If not, let me know. So i could get over you and move on. Am i being cruel? Maybe? I am just telling you what you told me to do.

Adios~ Assalamualaykum