Feeling

Assalamualaykum and Alhamdulillah

Yesterday i got my PMR result, Alhamdulillah i got straight A's. I am really thankful for that and i am happy for all of my friends that got the same result as i am.

But in my heart, actually, i don't feel anything much. Maybe emptiness. Or being frustrated because i work really, really hard not like some of my leisure friends but end up we got the same result. I kinda feel, unfair. How bad am i being like this? So bad right? I am someone who hope for them to get worst result. Well, i am sorry for my bad thoughts. I am so so sorry about it. After telling this i feel more calm because i cannot hide it anymore.

I will work extra for my SPM. I want to gain what i work for. I can know how hard i work because they are pluses and minuses. If this examination, we all got the same alphabets without knowing which is better right? So, i am going to prove it. I want to gain straight A pluses.

My dad always aim that i got a great results and go study oversea. He actually want me to participate in medic and business.He want me to be a pharmacy.

I hate it when people plan things for me or whatever. It makes me stress. It makes me feel like i am being push. I cannot study in that situation. I want to be support. To feel the love. So that i can study calmly. Is that so much to ask?

Yeah i need an aim. But, can you at least tell me to be something that i want to. Something that you think is the best for your youngest daughter to have a better future. I love you dad.

I want to travel. I thought about being a professional photographer. But i know that my dad will object that. So, maybe being a scientist and gain lot of money. In the same time i will get the opportunity to travel. Then i think back, will i get the time to travel? Is there that kinda scientist? What scientist i want to be? Science is too wide!

Maybe i dad i right about being a businesswoman. But what i want to sell? Will i be able to risk everything? Am i that bold?

Maybe i should just study hard and be a lady. Marry a businessman then use his money to travel a lot. Pfft, am i that cheap? Where goes my ambitious spirit? Am i born to inspire by doing things with my own hand or by staying at home and try my best to rise my kids. Can i give birth?

Future is too scary to think. What will happen next.

We can only pray for the best. Let fate do the rest. Allah had planned the best.